Sometimes when I hear someone talking about what God is teaching them, I start to think: I don't think He's teaching me anything right now. I've decided that this is an inaccurate view. A better perspective would show that God is teaching me something (many things?) all the time, I'm just not always learning. How often have I fallen asleep during a lecture, or just zoned out when I should be listening? I'm afraid I haven't been paying much attention to what He has been showing me lately. But I have been jerked awake (looking around to make sure nobody saw me jump), and am as determined as ever to stay focused.

So what has God been teaching me that I've been ignoring? That my future is in ministry. That I have a passion and desire for teaching and leading others within the Church. But that I can't expect to fulfill that desire if I don't start with myself. As long as I'm living my daily life for ME, I won't be an effective teacher, if I can even get into a position to be teaching.

The future is very foggy for me, with Woodcreek having its final service yesterday. I don't know where I will find a new home or what type of ministry in which I will find myself involved. But I do know that seeking God in my own life will help me wherever I go.

I've gotten out of the habit of posting on here. This needs to change. For starters, here's an update of what is going on in my life:

• ginni and I are engaged! I asked her to marry me on Dec 2 in front of the fountain at Firewheel and, of course, she said yes. We are still looking at a couple of churches and, depending on availability, will be getting married on June 13 or 20. This is a very good thing. :D
• Colt didn't win the Heisman and the Longhorns aren't going to the National Championship, although both deserved it. Sometimes it seems fate or luck or whatever unseen force may be out there is biased against UT. There's always next year...
• I can use prayers regarding my work situation. That's all the detail I'll go into for the time being, but feel free to ask me for details in another forum if you are interested.
• My church is closing, given a unanimous vote by the congregation this morning (myself included). Not sure what the future holds, but I am confident that this was God's will for us. Even so, nostalgia makes me sad about it.
• Call of Duty: World at War is amazing. <3 Kiefer Sutherland.
• I think I'm on top of my Christmas shopping for the first time...ever. I've always been really bad about it, but ginni is helping me a ton.

That's all I can think of for now. Hopefully I'll post again soon, with actual content and such, but no promises.

As long as you have a personal interest in your own character, or any set ambition, you cannot get through into identification with God's interests. [...] When I stop telling God what I want, He can catch me up for what He wants without let or hindrance. He can crumple me up or exalt me, He can do anything He chooses. He simply asks me to have implicit faith in Himself and in His goodness.
~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

This caught me off guard today. It seems counter-intuitive to not focus on how I can build my character or to leave behind my ambitions. But upon closer examination, it does make sense. In fact, by focusing on how to build my character, I am making it harder to grow. By striving to achieve my own ambitions, I am taking the long route (which may never reach its destination).

God doesn't want me to leave myself behind so that I can fail. He wants my selfish desires to die so that I can grow and so that I can achieve those ambitions which will bring Him glory (and give me fulfillment far beyond any other ambitions which would not do so). He wants me to die so that I may live.

That's great, but it doesn't seem very applicable (at least not when it is worded in that way). So what does this mean to me? How does (or should, anyway) this change my daily life? Well, for starters, I can evaluate how much I actually think about myself, my desires, my needs. I'm tired. I wish I had internet at home. How can I make more money? I feel miserable today. These thoughts flood my mind almost every moment of every day. I can't imagine what my thoughts would look like if I thought about what God wants for me as often as I thought about what I want for me.

I think this gets back to the "run the earth, watch the sky" mindset. Being eternity-minded. As long as I am focusing on this life, my desires seem to be very important. But when I focus on eternity, I realize how small I am in the big picture. And I begin to understand that the best way for me to "make my mark" is to let God use me. I need to be more conscious in my effort to bring glory to God in all that I do.

I guess I should start by getting back to work. >.<