My favorite time of the week. Argh. Why do I feel guilty for saying that?
It's been tough, getting over this break up. And in the midst of a heartbreak, how do you expect me to come up with a sermon? I am hurt and jaded and feeling sorry for myself. yes I'm human. yes I'm a girl. yes. I'm a pastor. I guess a woman would be more accurate. A young woman.
how am I suppose to make a proclamation when I'm angry at men, myself, and yes, a little at God.
Why does it allow it?
and How am I suppose to give an answer, when all I have are questions and doubts. I am suppose to be the one, who preaches a solid conclusion. but how does one do this, when in confusion?

It's not an easy thing for me to admit, that it is difficult for me to pray these days. I'm not allowed to say that! I'm suppose to have an epiphany or an inspiration, every week! at least! I'm suppose to have it every day! and the guilt isn't helping. really.

My sermon was crap today. Mind you, I am only a 1st year seminarian, who preaches every week. Yeah I know. It's not the most ideal situation, but it's also a great training and opportunity. it's just that... it's hard.

Oh well. Will do better on the next one. it's only 6 days away. Should start the preparation earlier.

I will. *sigh*