Thursday, 06 December 2012
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Struggling With Homosexuality
I have been a Christian for about 5 years now, but to be honest, during this past year I have felt God really tug at my heart at the cross that I have to carry the most. I don't know how many of you guys are out there struggling with this issue, but I feel like I really need some tips and advice on this topic if any of you can relate.
To give you all a little background. I am a girl and I knew that I liked girls at a very young age. I've thought about it, and I think it has a lot do with my family. My dad had always been a very abusive man -- both physically and emotionally towards me and my mother. I grew up watching my mother get abused for most of my life. Things got better when she found Christ, but this affected the way I view men from a young age, and had always been scared of men and associated most men with my father's image.Secondly, I am Chinese. My father wanted a boy at birth, so I was raised as a boy my whole life. Growing up, most of my friends were boys so I always felt like I was one of them. And because we immigrated to Canada, both my parents were very busy with their jobs. Then they gave birth to my younger brother, so they didn't really attend to me that often. My mother never gave me any "feminine advice" growing up, so when puberty came I was scared and confused, but I always felt very dominant because I felt like I had to protect my mother and could feel only her love so I tried finding it in girls.
Anyways that's the background of my life, but the issue right now is that God has spoken to me in many ways about this issue and how it needs to be changed.I've been dating a girl for over a year now, and at the beginning of this year I started to feel guilty whenever we did things that we weren't suppose to. I say that God has worked the most in my life this year, because this was my toughest year so far but his presence was there very strongly the entire process, and my spiritual life grew tremendously.I think I received signs from God when a few times I would fall into sleep paralysis and see or feel the devil. The most intense time was this one night, I couldn't wake up from sleep paralysis but when I woke up I felt like I was going to die and that God had left me. I quickly opened the Bible and the first page it landed on was something like:
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 — Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.I knew that was God because it was the night before I planned to sneak from Toronto where I live to Quebec to visit my girlfriend. Months after that, I finally spoke to my pastor at church about it and I would have talks with her once every week. At one point I had completely cut off all connections, but then I would get back together with my girlfriend. I felt like I was living a double-life, unable to really pick a side but I knew deep in my heart that I want Jesus.To this day, this is something that I am struggling with. I am moving in December, so I really hope God will give me the strength to walk away and don't look back.I am the only person I know who is struggling with this problem, if any of you out there are as well, or know somebody that has triumphed their battle I would love to hear the testimony or any advice and thought. Thank you.Have you or someone you've known struggled with homosexuality? What are some action steps she can take to apply what she's learned from God about homosexuality to her life? What other scriptures teach us about God's love and forgiveness?
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- From: Eternal_hop3@xanga
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Comments (49)
"I've been dating a girl for over a year now, and at the beginning of this year I started to feel guilty whenever we did things that we weren't suppose to."
Homosexuality is sinful, as has been addressed. But, any sex out of marriage, homosexual or heterosexual, is as well.
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 ESV)
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1 ESV) (See the rest of the chapter, and all of Romans for that matter, as well.)
Flee from all sexual immorality, and trust in Christ. As for other practical things you can do, talk to an elder or pastor at your church, tell them what you shared here, and whatever else is relevant. They will pray with you and counsel you, and maybe suggest an older woman who has had similar struggles who may be helpful.
This is retarded. Go fuck girls, I say! Fuck them till you die! If Jesus doesn't let your heart love you wish, find another Deity. You're a child of the stars, for Christ's sake! Everything is "immoral" -- even wanting to not be immoral is immoral. If you try to be like Jesus, you'll be cast out like Lucifer himself. Do you remember when Whites dating Blacks was looked down upon? I really don't give a fuck if I receive any replies. Fuck fuck fuck! I'll swear as much as my heart allows me to. However, perhaps you are confused. You must find a stable sense of identity.
Also, as a side note. Yes, I'm an Atheist, but this does not mean I'm a bad person. How many times a year do you donate till you are left without blood to people around the world? Don't come and tell me I'm going to hell because we hold different values, and I won't say anything more.
PPS: I wonder how much commotion it would cause to have a post labeled "Struggling with being Chinese." CWIDT?
Such_are_you@xanga.com has a LOT more information and advice on this topic. Not only does he have experience with it, he knows a lot of other people who have.
My gentle reminder would be to focus on the truth that Christ forgives, and less on how others condemn. It will be in Him that you find not only your strength, but your way.
It might be helpful to think about this from a larger perspective than those of one's feelings. "Heterosexuals" are just as honor-bound in Christ to obey parents regarding whom they date as are those who date the same sex.
Similarly, "heterosexuals" must obey the commands of Christ not to engage in sexual acitivity outside of marriage, just like those Christians who desire to date the same sex must obey Christ.
As odd as it may sound, no one is born with the medical condition that requires them to date anyone or to have sex. Dating and sexual activity are choices...always: http://craigwbooth.xanga.com/757665251/what-does-%E2%80%9Cborn-gay%E2%80%9D-mean/
So, while the issue of enjoying same-gender companionship may be bothersome, it is somewhat subsumed under the larger issue of whether Christians are obligated to obey Christ in all matters of life. If you are unable to abstain from sexual contact until marriage, there is a larger question of the certainty of salvation to wrestle with than the question of homosexuality.
Like one of the comments above, I'd highly recommend talking to Lonnie a.k.a. Such_are_you.
I'd say you have a lot of wounds from your past that need healing. Christ is willing and able to heal those wounds. Some may take longer to heal than others, but you can be renewed. Your father was a poor example of what a husband should be. It may help to talk to couples from your church that are happily married, to get a better idea of how they make their relationship work since you weren't given a good model of that.
Though this is not one of my areas of weakness, I do know others that struggle with it. We all have our weak points that Satan tries to exploit. Have hope, and keep seeking God's will for your life. He is faithful in leading if you seek Him.
Your blog entry makes me so sad. I really wish I could help you. I wish you could understand that nothing you have felt or have done has been wrong. You are who you are.... and if you continue to deny this then you are at risk for severe depression and even suicidal behavior.
Trying to "pray away the gay" is always a potentially hazardous practice. There is no evidence that gay "conversion" practices work. Furthermore, even during the 1970s when homosexuality was still listed in the DSM-IV handbook of psychopathology, psychiatrists strongly cautioned against "conversion" therapies because patients who were subjected to these therapies would often fall into depression and self-harm.
I do agree that you should probably not be in any sort of relationship- gay or straight- until you deal with your past history of abuse. You are a domestic abuse survivor and you need to visit a group about that. You need to talk to other people like yourself. You can contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and see if they have a group in your area.
While some young women do go through periods of sexual experimentation before settling into a heterosexual lifestyle.... it doesn't sound to me like this is your case. You said I am a girl and I knew that I liked girls from a very young age. This is a common story among gay women. You should be proud.
Please do not let an episode of sleep paralysis (a frightening but harmless phenomenon that affects over 5% of the population and is often linked to anxiety) push you into a way of thought that could ultimately be very damaging for you. Visit a depression support group and talk to other people like yourself. Remember: Gay conversion therapy can be very dangerous... FAR more dangerous than simply accepting yourself as a girl who loves girls. Take care of yourself during this confusing part of your life.
I guess that I am going to be the only poster to actually touch on the subject of, love who you are. There are names above of people I generally respect (Like Tom), but I just don't agree.
Sugar, Gay isn't something that you are groomed to be. You're born that way, you're born with an attraction to the same sex that you just can't shake. There are several phases of revelation when you realize you could be gay, or are gay, and it sounds like you're in the phase of shame. You're afraid of rejection. From your peers, your friends, and your God.
It took me twenty seven years to admit to my attraction to women and to realize that there is -nothing wrong with it-. Chances are these feelings of yours started much earlier than pubescence, you just didn't know it. Don't feel ashamed of who you were born to be, this leads to a life of depression and shame. A lot of people who undergo gay conversion are miserable, lose their faith, or become suicidal.
I don't mean to quote overzealous popular pop stars, but God makes no mistakes. Love is a gift, a beautiful gift we are given to share and it doesn't matter who you love in your life. Sex is sometimes a thing that is confused with love, or too closely associated with it. You will love who you love, be it woman or man, and there is no one in this world who -can- judge you without admitting to one of the greatest sins. If God didn't want you to be gay, he'd never give you the chance to feel that way. He'd never make such a flaw.
Sex is such a small part of a relationship, and it should be the smallest part of your relationship with God. He loves you for who -you- are.
God warned me like he did you too when I had a near death experience and later on I opened up the Bible and had a warning to stop masturbating. It has been a sin that I just have such a hard time giving up (I used to do it to comfort myself when my parents would fight as a young girl). Don't expect everyone on here to understand. We both know what it's like to get a warning from God. Obey it. Don't be deceived. I'll definitely be praying for you and for myself that we'll resist and flee. It's not impossible. "For with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
I'm a guy so some perspective is different, but I just wanted to reaffirm that you are not alone. There are many other Christians, myself included, who get to deal with unwanted same-sex attractions. The Bible does condemn homosexual behavior as sinful, but as far as battling lust (whether it's homosexual or heterosexual).. join the human race. No one reading this is guiltless because all humanity is indicted under Romans 1: all have exchanged the glory of God for something else and are under judgement. That's a big deal! We're going to die because of it. No one escapes God's judgement. That actually means our biggest concern as Christians isn't homosexuality, but the restoration of God to his rightful place as our ultimate treasure. It's hard to do that when our whole mind/body/emotions/flesh craves to do the opposite, but it's the command to every Christian regardless of the particulars of their brokenness. Remember that Jesus said this life would be hard. I think his response to those battling homosexual desires would be the same as it would for any other struggle: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).
That's hard. It's bad enough that the culture around us hates the idea of denying homosexual behavior, which you can see even from certain comments here, but even our own flesh hates it! I lust at other guys. In my heart I don't really want that, but there's a conflict that's never very far from me. We're all dealing with brokenness everywhere and it's going to be a daily battle. It's ok to struggle though. Even Jesus battled temptation.
You also aren't struggling with this one alone. It feels like an isolated struggle (for years I felt that no one else was able to understand me), but the truth is there are many other Christians dealing with this. It's an affliction you didn't choose, and it's not shameful to battle sin. The other guys who I know who are same-sex attracted are some of the most authentic Christians I know, and I'm proud to call them friends and brothers even. I also have many more heterosexual friends in the church who know my struggle and are still there for me. Finding authentic community like that in the church with people you can trust isn't easy, but I'd say for people like us it's urgent. We have legitimate God-given emotional needs, and there's a huge difference between being single and being alone. The church is no place to be alone. It took me years to find a church where I felt like I belonged, but having found it I can assure you it is possible. Right now I wouldn't trade the community/friends I have through the church for anything. Definitely keep looking until you find something similar.
More importantly though is that God is with us in our struggle. Other people will let you down, but he never will. In whatever hurt you've experienced from your earthly father, God is a better and more faithful Father. In whatever way you may feel lacking as a future spouse, God is your husband (if you don't read any of the other links, read that one - especially the last verse, because in whatever way we have failed, and whatever our accusers would say- yes sadly even some within the church-- ultimately that's what His blood was shed for: our righteousness is from Him). He loves us so much it's mind-blowing. He seeks you out in such intimate detail that the hairs on your head are numbered. We fall so much and he still draws us back to him. Whenever you feel like you've failed or your sin has distanced you too much, know that it's exactly then that he longs for you to return because he loves you and wants you near him.
Ultimately while there is some healing available, there is the very real likelihood that this will be your cross to bear. God never promised to remove us from temptation. Remember God's promises though because whatever healing is not gained in this life will be given in the next and will have been well worth the wait. God does not do futile things. If he has authored faith in you, he will also be faithful to complete every good work he started in you. This is the "hope" spoken of in Romans 8- we don't hope for what we already have, but we wait for it with patience. God will deliver. Keep pressing onward because you're in good company. Feel free to message me anytime too.
This post makes me so very sad. I wish you were free of religion.
Any god who would not love you for who you are is a god I would not trust.
.... Stop chastizing yourself for being who you are. There's a world of people out there waiting to love and appreciate you for the very things your god would make you change.
Please break up with your girlfriend. You have no right to bring someone else into your crazy. I'm sorry that religion has you so warped and hope one day that if you are a lesbian you will find that there is nothing wrong with that and the one true God will love you as you are. However until you find that resolve, I think it's wrong to try and be intimate with another person man or woman until you find out exactly what the hell it is you want.
The main struggle for believers is to not give up as well as not to overly focus on oneself and how one is doing. We need to look to the Lord and his infinite mercy. We all struggle with something in our lives, be it with food, drugs,acholol and sex, the seeking after riches etc.
There are few people who don't have great inner struggles with their sexual natures, to give up is to allow onself to harden in whatever weaikness one has. Sexual sin can lead to just using people as 'things' and to dispose of them after use. You don't seem to be doing that. Just keep trying to do better, get up, and move forward, again looking to Jesus and not oneself. Will power will not do it, since it comes and goes, but an ever deepening trust in Jesus and a knowledge of his infinite for you will slowly heal you. Also not being afraid of the suffering that goes with seeking to be more chaste.....embrace it, befriend it, in the end your suffering will be less. Just read some of the blogs of those who get involved in relationships outside of marriage, there is great suffering that is lived over and over again with one person after another.
We all struggle, I am 64 and still struggle and yes fail at times in my desire to be chaste. Yet people who try too hard, use just will power have to shut down on some level and come across as cold and demanding of others. The more we love others as well as ourselves, the less we will fall, though again this takes time and patience.
All things really do work out for those who love the Lord. Chastity is a habit, sexual bondage is a habit as well. We can get our disire for love and sex mixed up. Over time, being chaste will become a way of life and you will steer away from the 'dance' that often happens in sexual relatinships outside of marriage. It is a mutural form of seduction.
If your girlfiriend is anot a christian or a comitted one, then you need to seek out someone who will help you on the road to leading the kind of life you feel called to. I will pray for you, never give up hope.
I think there are flaws in the Bible, itself... just like the Old Testament.
If you are naturally sexually drawn to someone of your sex, it is okay. You are not hurting anyone, as long as you become committed to the person you love, man or woman.
@IonaLoire@xanga - FINALLY! Somebody talking sense!
I don't know if the other commentators suggested this or not, but perhaps it would help you if you found a mature woman of God that was demonstrating herself obedient to Christ that you could speak to privately on this subject. You mentioned in your post that you did not have any "feminine" model when you were growing up, so perhaps someone like this could be of immense help to you.
To that note, spend a lot of time reading the scriptures to see if you can see what a woman should be like (examples- 1st Tim. 2:9 f.f; [and following], Luke 7:36 f.f; Acts 2:17-18 & 21:8-9; 1 Corinthians 11:5 f.f; Galatians 3:28; Ephesians 5:21-33; Colossians 3:18-19; 1st Peter 3:1-7; and Titus 2:3-5).
Finally, as a second note, please do not let other people convince you that homosexuality is acceptable; the scriptures are clear that it is a sin that God will not accept- you yourself have said you've felt that He does not accept it and said you felt His absence even. These are VERY real things and I can tell you that it is true that God will not abide with sin. The natural order backs up scriptures teachings that homosexuality is unnatural and unacceptable to God (as the creator).
I pray grace and peace for you as you learn Christian womanhood and draw near to Christ, our God and Savior.
I also wrestle with same-sex attractions. Even though I'm a guy, feel free to check out my Xanga for any insight. Haha. For the last 4 years I've blogged my entire lifestory, and lately especially I've held little back. I won't say "do this" or "don't do that," but I will say from my own lifelong experience with homosexuality that there truly is nothing more fulfilling than following God. I've given into my other beckonings from time to time, but the fulfillment and joy just isn't ever there. I could never be at peace in a gay relationship with another dude. The two just don't mix for me. A relationship with the God of the universe satisfies me so much more; there's just no comparison.
Thanks for the honesty in this post! It's super inspiring, and you're in my prayers. Please message me anytime if you'd like to talk further.
- Tom
Perhaps your guilt stems more from your
sexual activity before marriage,rather than from your inherent sexual attraction to someone of the same sex?
That said, there are more helpful LGBT Christian communities that can TRULY support you during your time of struggle. Get off this "community" that wants to tell you that you were brought into a life of sin and that you can "pray away the gay" -- and go find a real community that understands where you are coming from, that truly loves you and that enriches your spirit. Find an actual LGBT-friendly church in your area if you can. You have the whole internet at your tips. From just a quick search I found these:http://www.gaychristian.net/mission.phphttp://gaychristianfellowship.com/resources.php?go=questions
-grace and love
Hello there. I've had several similar experiences, not with homosexuality specifically, but with being attracted to someone I couldn't be in a relationship with, because it would not be God-honoring. I have a bad tendancy to fall for guys who don't care about God and who would be bad for my spiritual well-being. God tells us in 2 Corinthians not to be unequally yoked, so for me to be in a relationship with someone who does not share my spiritual beliefs and who doesn't have God in his life would be just as bad as for someone else to be in a relationship where there is sexual immorality.
You say you felt like you were "living a double-life", because you kept getting back together with your girlfriend but also wanted to be with Jesus. I had this same problem with a guy not too long ago (who definitely did not have a relationship with Jesus). It can be SO HARD to try to cut someone out of your life when you love them, but if you want Jesus all the way then you can't let *anyone* come between that. Please believe me when I say that NO man or woman is worth being with if you feel it would be against God's will and/or would damage your relationship with Him.
I'm afraid I can't give you any advice about homosexuality itself, but I will say that I don't think that your homosexual attractions/feelings themselves are a sin, since that's not something that anyone can control. The sin involved with homosexuality is the sexual immorality, as you cited. And since God views all sin as the same, sexual sin is no worse than anything else. God will love you no matter what and will be pleased if you are earnestly trying to follow His will for your life, even if you do mess up sometimes. He will give you strength and He will get you through this. I'll be praying for you!
People who say that homosexuality is wrong are using religion as an excuse to be assholes.
Scripture condemns a lot of things, including wearing mixed fabrics, eating shellfish, letting witches live, and menstruation. What is really right or wrong is a delicate mix of valid ethical philosophy plus what you know to be true with your heart.
I think the greatest thing to realize as a Christian and often the hardest thing is that you're not alone. Even in my life and struggles I've found both men and women who have had the same problems I do, and to become accountability partners. I've also found that my quiet times with God fill me up with Him and His word and that it's easier to resist temptation (Ephesians 6:10-18) so that it's easier to stay on His path. Not saying I don't fall off at some point everyday, but it's a life journey, not an instant destination.
You putting yourself out here and asking for help is also a great step in realizing these things. In my life I've always done it alone and during my current college years, I truly found out how little that works. As is the personality of an introvert, I'd hold in the pain and never share my struggles with anyone and it simply drove me to worse places including almost flunking out of college. As I mentioned earlier, I'm still on the journey out of that mire and into the light, but I've found people who were right there all along who I never let walk with me and know me, but now I have and that instant freedom and realizing those people weren't going to condemn me for my bad choices helped so much. Many of those things will never go away, but with God all things are possible. I pray that your journey with Him leads you to His amazing plan for your life and you keep Him close all the days of your life.
To the people condemning religion: don't you find it hypocritical that the people who preach the greatest tolerance are intolerant to Christians? I understand Christians have done wrong by people in the past and still do, but then you are exactly as some of the Christians were to you. We Christians are human just as you are; no better, no worse. We choose to follow God as you have your choice to not follow Him. Is my choice therefore wrong? Why stereotype Christians? Are we expected to be perfect simply because we say we are Christians? Think on these questions and statements. Life is a journey for everyone who lives.
There is no god; just accept who you are and ditch the guilt-trip religion has you on.
Ignore any comments from those who say you can't "pray" the gay away. Philippians 4 :13 says that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Those people who say that prayer doesn't work are not true Christians and are working against you. True faith is absolute certainty, and if you are uncertain that God can fix your problem then it's not God you need to question, but your faith in Him. Getting the Holy Spirit is the only way to combat sin in the world today. It will physically numb any attraction towards the same sex and will completely transform your life. No form of sin at any time is acceptable in God's sight. Pray for the Holy Spirit and that God will strengthen your faith and you will definitely be changed. Any "Christians" supporting this sin or limiting God's ability should probably read their Bible.
Just ask What Would Jesus Do? And he wouldn't give a fuck. You're gay if you're gay. You're straight if you're straight. And when something says it's biological y'all be laughing.
There is nothing wrong with you, science has proven that homosexuality happens within genetic makeup of the child. It is unpredictable and not a mental disorder or physical disorder. The American Psychiatric Association along with countless other mental and physical and sexual health practitioners agree that it is not an "affliction" or anything inherently wrong with the person.
I grew up in a very strong Christian home, went to private christian schools, all the way through High School. I grew up feeling different, and knew I was different for sure at 13, I liked girls. And I liked girls the way songs described falling in love, or crushes. I hid it as best as I could, though there were some girls I fell for in a more than friends type of feeling/longing to be with them, accepted, and even wanted. But I knew that in school/life, that I'd be different, outcast, because I knew that the "Christians" would hate ferociously upon a homosexual in their school.
Fortunately for me, later on in high school, there were a few secret gays that I found out, made me feel a bit more "normal". I dated guys in high school, sure it was nice to be treated nice by some of them, but whenever they'd touch me.. it was rough, clumsy, and unappealing. I didn't like the way boys smelled, I didn't like the way they talked. I enjoyed them as friends, even some very deep personal friendships, but I know when I was dancing with a boy at homecoming, and looking over at one of my female classmates, all I wanted was her arms around my neck and my arms around her waist.. listening to slow dance Leann Rhimes in the background. Take me away from my masked life.
I'm near 26 now, been out of the closet since 19, I came out because of my first love, my first gf. She meant the world to me, and we'd been together for a year, and I just couldn't hide anymore. I told my parents, I was shaking as I confessed in the kitchen as both of them stood there. After I finished, they both smiled and opened their arms. "We've known for a while.. " and hugged me. Here I was, afraid of the hellfire that I'd been religiously shamed into believing would happen to me. I am lucky, I have parents who have embraced me entirely, they wish for me to be nothing but happy, and when I do find the right woman, to settle down and they are exited for their first grand - "gaybie".
Whatever you do, is your choice. But know that Jesus loves you no matter what, there are far worse things in this world. Sometimes the family we are born into, is something we must grow out of, to gain the family we truly are to have.. family isn't blood, it's a language of the heart and understanding. You aren't broken, you are whole, you are beautiful. Gay is just a word, be true to your heart. I hope you find the true love who makes you realize you're a good man, with love that is just as great as anyone else's. Love is love. It knows no bounds.
Isn't it funny, that the Christians we hold so highly in our lives/religion, have nothing similar to the conduct and actions, and words... as their messiah.... let he who without sin, cast the first stone.
Much love to you, be strong. And above all, be true to YOU!- MW