By MelissaMy boyfriend and I just broke up. We are both Christians, but we both have really bad pasts. I have eating disorder issues as well as month-long bouts of severe depression (they come and go and tend to come on fast) and abandonment issues; so I have a lot of baggage I know I need to work on. And he used to have an alcohol/partying problem and would basically just use people. Before we started dating we were both managing really well, and trusting God to take care of everything, but somewhere along the line things went bad.
I think what happened is I got stressed. Really badly stressed and in a moment I tried to "be strong" and take care of things myself. This triggered a relapse into my bulimic behavior which brought about everything else. I was raised in a home where self-destruction is the normal way to cope with negativity, so I quickly relapsed and have been quite sad and angry and lonely-feeling lately.
My boyfriend understandably noticed what I was doing and for a little while tried to encourage me to stop and rely on God. I tried but I felt God was so distant and wasn't listening. He (boyfriend) then suggested I go to therapy. I've gone for two sessions so far. I hate it but he wanted me to try so I am. And then he said I was too stressful; he has his own issues to handle. I trigger bad memories in him and I've changed from the person I was when we were first dating. And he broke up with me.
Now I feel more alone, not only because he left me but also because that is exactly what my ex before him said when he left. And now I feel even more guilty and depressed because now he has to deal with all of the things he was handling so well before I came along.
I don't know what to do; I'm trying to rely on God still but it's taking a lot of effort. I still feel incredibly lonely and distant from people and God -- although oddly a little less so since the breakup, I guess because my Bible study group finally opened their eyes to me looking kind of zombie-ish and talk to me now.
How do I cope with this? And is there any scripture you suggest I read?
How do you respond? What scripture has helped you move on after a break up? What are some other resources that might help someone get through a break up?
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Comments (3)
No one thing that anyone might happen to write is likely to be a cure.
However, know this: 1 John 4:10 "This is real love--not that we loved
God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away
our sins."
Even as we may say, "I love God" we fall short. He approves not of
our character. Yet, God shows himself to be love, and we cannot come
short of eternal happiness. Still, that God dwells in us and us in Him is
too high knowing if God would not put these words into us.
1 John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only
Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
eternal life."
Your loneliness is painful. Your affliction is consuming. Go into the pain.
Face your fear. Take this with you: Jesus is the way, the truth, the life.
I used this for a long time, many decades ago when I felt myself to be a
reprehensible. It comes from a novel, “Dune” and is perhaps not normally
thought to be a Christian practice. We are maybe to quick to say “Pray
about that” and not say how. Well this is not so much a prayer as a way
of thinking that brings about peaceful thinking. Anyway, I said this: “I must
not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total
obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through
me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” I
practiced this and I said it over and over. I worked out. I said my mantra
against fear and I worked into a muscular and fit young man until I could
flip myself off of a wall and back onto the floor and feel as though this
is as natural as walking. Having a great power, I was not controlled
by my fear and by my resentments and by the evil that lusts and seeks
to consume the we of weak spirit and fearful dejectedness.
You are not alone. Reach out wherever you are safe. Take time to
exercise and to eat healthy foods. Attend your bible studies. Share your
thoughts with safe and caring others. Allow God to guide you. He will
perhaps seem to draw you too slowly into a vital living. Be patient. He
is not slow; He waiting for you. He is extending His hand. He is always
there with you.
In my early 20's I also felt the same way. I had struggled a lot with anxiety, had numerous relationship problems/failures, and was overwhelmed by school and the deaths of several family members. It was then I felt most alienated by God, but you have to remember to take of your own body.
It's hard, but exercise and eat well. Having a body that is physically well does a lot for your mind too. Make it a goal to jog at least a mile a day and eat lean proteins, fruits and nuts. Take supplements. Get enough sleep. Once you do all of those things consistently for at least 2 weeks, you should at least feel a bit of improvement. Matthew 6:24-26 has always been my favorite verse because I'm prone to anxiety and stress.
I have found something Solomon said in Ecclesiastes to be very helpful; a stress reliever, if you will.It's Ecc 7:13-18.
Ecclesiastes 7:13-18 (NIV1984)
13 Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten
what he has made crooked?
14 When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future.
15 In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:
a righteous man perishing in his righteousness,
and a wicked man living long in his wickedness.
16 Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?
17 Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
18 It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.[a]
These verses can easily be taken out of context,especially verse 18. He is not saying it is OK to sin, what he is saying is understand that you will sin, for all of us sin. Knowing that, we move toward the middle ground so that we see ourselves as we truly are and moving closer toward Him. The idea Solomon is passing along is that over-righteousness leads one to pride, arrogance, and legalism. Over-wickedness leads to immorality and death before one's time. In other words, examine your life by the Holy Spirit and realize we are not perfect yet and the Spirit is your tutor. Your sin may have consequences but it is the moving ahead away from your past that the Lord honors-finding the middle ground in your life. See where you are now, perhaps in a fearful state, and set your goal far ahead of you for fellowship with others and the Lord. Paul emphasizes a similar course for you with, "forgetting what is behind, I press on toward the goal................for which Christ has called me."If you set your mind to eat an elephant, you do that one bite at a time, don't you!
My wife was bulimic when we married, she set her goal ahead of her and moved toward that goal That was 43 years ago; the temptation still comes on occasion but she has learned to deal with it and continue moving forward. It is not easy, but it is worthwhile. God is a GREAT GOD AND FATHER! He WILL NOT allow you to be tempted BEYOND what you are able to bare. Dan