Wednesday, 21 November 2012
I have been in a relationship with the same woman for over 4 and a half years now. We started young; she is my high school sweetheart, and she's been with me as I've graduated college and just really begun to stretch my legs in life.
During our first 2 and a half years together, I was crazy about her. One of the nicknames I gave her was "the answer to my prayer," because I thought God had sent me the perfect woman, gift-wrapped.
Recently the question of marriage has come up after not being discussed by us significantly for a while. With the question comes a lot of mixed motions, actually. On one hand, I'm ecstatic. I love her and I have dreamed of marrying her for a while, but at the same time she worries me.About a year and a half ago my girlfriend came home from church on a late October Sunday and told me God told her that we should fast from each other for 40 days -- warning bells maybe. I was stupefied, but at the same time I loved her. I do feel she has a real connection with God and trusted she wouldn't mention something so severe lightly.
We did this 40 day fast, got back together and it sounded like all was well. I appreciate her a little more. I read through the 40 Days of Purpose book again for the second time, and I even bought her a promise ring during our dating fast -- the most expensive gift I have ever purchased for anyone in my life. Considering I didn't observe any major issues in our relationship, I assumed all was well. During this time, a family friend and her became particularly close but, considering the bubbly personality she has, nearly all of her friends are very close to her.A month after giving her the promise ring and starting our relationship from where we left off, she told she had developed feelings for this family friend. I was beyond devastated. This was a woman who I had felt in the deepest pits of my heart I was going to marry -- a woman I trusted absolutely -- and now she broke my heart in a way I would never have imagined.
Over the next year we broke up, but I tried to stay in her life as a support system -- her entire life began falling apart. Due to how close we were and the fact she was entertaining this relationship with the family friend, though, we ended up having a strange love-triangle. At first it was crippling. We fought daily, and I cried more in that year than I have my entire life. I was broken, depressed and trying to hold together my sanity. I will say it made me learn to love God more, learn to trust no human being more than God -- a lesson i had to learn -- understand what true love is and even learn to value myself as a person.In the past 2 months her life has calmed down again, and she has returned to being like the person I dated in high school. Things are better, but when she mentioned marriage, I didn't know how to respond. When she stated she felt like we could have been married or she was in a state to be married for the past year and a half, I didn't know what to say. A year and a half ago she was still "dating" the family friend .
To the point of the topic of this article, when we were talking about marriage and the future, she mentioned one of the main reasons our relationship ended the first time was because she felt we had done everything we could do as boyfriend and girlfriend. She was frustrated with life and our lack of marriage in general. She said God told her it was okay to be in a relationship with somebody else and not me because our relationship had advanced as far as it could have without being married.I post this more looking for an answer to a question I don't know if I want to ask. I guess ultimately I want to know what your take is on it and how should I proceed. Our relationship has returned to a good point. We have re-kindled our flame, but scars remain. I trust her, but not as absolutely as I used to. I love her, but not in the near-obsessed level I used to. At the end of it all, I still feel as though she's accepted she had a major role in our break-up, but she doesn't realize how much it felt like she stabbed me in the heart, lied to my face and just hurt me in the worst way .I guess I want advice or direction or I really don't know -- I am at a loss on what to think about our future, and I am praying God gives me answers. But the Lord takes time and, at the speed at which my mind is going, I am having hard time waiting for an answer. I'm just kind of stuck. I want to go forward, but I still have so many questions I need answered before I can.
How do you respond? Do you have any encouragement for this couple? Have you ever been in a relationship like this? Are there any lessons from scripture about true love and honest relationship that might be applicable to this situation?