Monday, 10 September 2012
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"50 Shades of Grey" and Christianity
My wife has read the first book of 50 Shades of Grey, and she is almost done with the second book in the series. I told her to underline anything she wanted to try so I don't have to read the whole book. From the parts that I read, it appears the book is mostly about bondage and sex.Now the pastor was preaching about "wives submitting to your husbands," and this gave me a little chuckle so I nudged her in church.
I can see how someone could complain the couple in the book are not married at least in the first book.
But let's focus on the bondage, pain and sex.
Is bondage and pain appropriate in a Christian marriage? Why or why not?
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Comments (51)
Why in the world is this post on Revelife?
@Pickwick12@xanga - Christians have sex?? I don't get what is wrong with it?
Whatever consenting adults do or do not do in the bedroom is fodder for pillow talk, not public debate. Sorry to be such an old fashioned type, but I really find this in an open forum inappropriate.
It's amazing the quality, legitimate posts that get rejected by Revelife only to have pointless banter like this put up instead.
I thought grey was only one color ? Φ ≡
can't stop laughing
First of all, the very fact that you say
"From the parts that I read, it appears the book is mostly about bondage and sex."it's pretty obvious you haven't read the book at all. Even parts of it. LOL The book is
NOTmostly about bondage and sex.
Secondly, whether or not something is appropriate is purely subjective. If you're implying that it's sinful, I would emphatically say no. What married Christian couples do in the bedroom is between them. In the end, my personal opinion should have no bearing on their sex lives.
There was another post on revelife about bdsm and @ancient_Scribe had a really good comment, I thought:
"It seems to me that the concept of BDSM hardly harmonizes with what we are taught in Scripture.
Ephesians 5:25-30
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to SANCTIFY her, CLEANSING her by the bath of water with the word, that HE might present himself to the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that SHE might be HOLY and without BLEMISH.
So also husbands should LOVE their wives as THEIR OWN BODIES. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather NOURISHES and CHERISHES it, even as Christ does the church, because WE are members of HIS BODY." (Emphasis added is my own)
The idea of chaining/tying up, beating, whipping, etc. my wife or letting her do the same to me seems totally against this. Even if I "loved" my own flesh in such a manner, and even if my wife "loved" her flesh similarly, Christ does not love the Church like this; rather, BDSM sounds to me like the way the WORLD loves the CHURCH, since this is the very same exact way the WORLD loved CHRIST. He was put in manacles, whipped, scourged, forced into submission, all for the pleasure of the world.
So, my thoughts on BDSM. Goodnight."
The bible says that the marriage bed is not defiled. Anything pretty much goes as long as they are consenting.
However, if you are SERIOUSLY hurting your partner (I'm not talking about spankings, pinchings, bitings, mild slappings, etc, but more serious) I have to wonder what is wrong with you.
Well as a heads up the book doesn't have anything really harmful to anyone's body and it ultimately ends up being about pleasure and alternative ways of giving/receiving it (in terms of the sexual parts). The book was originally a fanfiction based off of Twilight, so some of the themes including some aspects of the couple's relationship reflect the conservative views expressed in Twilight (with the exception of fornication, e.g. respecting the other person's body and being concerned at any marks on the body). Christian (ironically named main character in Grey) sets "hard limits" with his lover-turned-wife that I think reflects his intentions to treat her body the way he treats his own. For example, he specifically has a problem with any fire play and sets that down as a rule in the contract he makes her sign (yeah, there's a contract involved...haha).
I personally think that anything that you do in the bedroom should be done lovingly and with the Holy Spirit close to both of your intentions. As long as you or your wife don't have some underlying issues or want to harm each other, BDSM should be fine if done respectfully, imo.
Why are so many people trash-talking this post? Am I the only one who legitimately wants to know about this from the multitude of perspectives held by Revelife readers?
@Pickwick12@xanga - Probably because there are Christians-I knew a few personally-who seriously wonder if BDSM is a sin.
@snarkius@xanga - I think that is a valid discussion to have. What I objected to was the tone of the post.
Personally, I believe BDSM isn't God's best for anyone. The Bible talks about marriage as a representation of Jesus' love for His church, which is the opposite of bondage. I believe God's desire is to bring each of His children to a place of freedom, where we experience arousal from healthy and affirming love, not restraint and pain (which were not even part of the world until sin entered it). I say this as someone who has struggled in this area. I know from experience how unhealthy it is spiritually, even while it brings physical pleasure. Sex is meant as a celebration of life-giving love, and God is big enough to heal us all until we're able to enjoy it in that way, without being hurt.
if it is consenting, enjoyable to both.... the church can stay out of my bedroom :D
I do have a king sized bed.. but .. really not enough room for all y'all
of course bondage and pain are not appropriate anywhere! that is NOT love, its lust and porn and slavery! open your eyes
First of all I don't feel that pornographic reading has any place in a Christians life.
Secondly, "bondage and pain" seems to me the antithesis of the freedom and love that should occur in the marriage bed.
If we lose sight of our mate, and our expression of love to our mate - and instead begin to focus on our own fantasy/self fulfillment we have lost the purpose of sex. IMHO.
My question is do people that do not practice S&M in their sex lives.... doesn't the sex get boring? o_0
If you keep going the same scenarios all the time... I guess I don't understand the Christian way to have sex.
The issue that concerns me most is that Christian people are okay with porn being part of your marriage. This book is nothing but porn.
@IamSetFree@xanga - Won't whipping your wife leave a blemish ? Just saying.
@conrad_ma@twitter - I'm sure it does lol and I'm not sex expert either.
@IamSetFree@xanga -
Well said. Perfect. :)@gokellyjo@xanga -
Also, very nicely said.@SHEERROSE@xanga -
There are other things you can do to keep things different rather than BDSM.Maybe someone else would like to add some examples, but just a simple one would be change of position and rooms/places.. I guess it depends on the person, but that can be satisfying enough for some. Personally, the only time I've ever become "bored" is when sex is daily and I'm not in the mood for it. Other than that, I think being able to express such a closeness and love with your partner is such a special thing that I am never bored with it.