My boyfriend of six months and I have ended our relationship. We are both God-loving Christians and tried to live our lives that way. We weren't perfect and even submitted to temptation, but we were in love and felt, though we had things to get in order, our relationship was blessed.
Last week his mother, who is a minister, said that the spirit spoke and said that I was not the woman God had planned for him and that he would not meet her while we continued our relationship. He prayed about it and felt that he had heard God's confirmation on the word, so he broke up with me.
We are both very hurt and confused, but I think I am even more than he. I had been actively seeking God about our relationship and never heard what they heard. I also feel rejected, as though I am not good enough for this man of God, so what is wrong with me?
I also feel pain because there was a promise to my boyfriend that an even better woman would come to him; I don't have that.
I am truly in love with this man, and I find myself questioning everything. I have been praying for peace, comfort and even for things to change. But overall I have been praying for God's will and that, whatever that is, He comforts and soothes me. I truly feel as though my world has ended, and I am trying to trust God, but it feels so bleak right now.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Have you ever been broken up with because your significant other felt it was God's will, but you didn't necessarily feel the same? What do we do in situations like this to continue to trust in God and accept the circumstances around us?
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Comments (60)
Controlling and possessive mother using religion as an excuse to manipulate her son because of her insecurities. You don't say how old the two of you are, but unless he grows a pair he's going to be under his mom's thumb all of his life. You're probably better off without him.
God didn't end your relationship, his mom did.
I am 27 and he is 26. He does have past issues with her interfering with his relationships. The part that baffles me is that he said he heard God say it to him. I have a hard time with that because why wouldn't I have heard it too? I was constantly seeking and he wasn't. Just sad.
@Kikgirl - I agree with the former two posters- his mom is attempting to control his relationships through religion. He may have been in a period where he had some doubts about the relationship (as usually happens a few months into any relationship) and that might have carried over. I don't know if people actually hear God in these situations or if they just have a gut feeling that they attribute to God. :-/ In either case, whether it's his decision, God's, or his mother's- it's equally over in his head. :( *hug* You have to work with what you've got and just learn from it. You too will find someone else in life.
It sounds to me like he listened to his mother's crap. God didn't end your relationship. If you 2 love each other then talk it out. Don't you know the Bible says we shouldn't go by word of mouth but go by what is written? So what his mother said doesn't matter because it came from HER not GOD. If you 2 really were so in love then there was nothing that could tear you apart from each other. Obviously he had no faith in your relationship and he just went by what his mother said. Often mothers have this "you're not good enough for my son/daughter" attitude. So they tend to get in the middle and destroy that happy relationship. It happened to me once before. My ex boyfriend went on to be with someone else cause his mother told him I wasn't good enough for this or that reason. I guess he was a mamma's boy and it sounds like your guy is too. You have to ask yourself if he really loved you. I don't think he did because he left you as if your relationship meant nothing. If you 2 trusted God as good Christians should then neither of you would be confused. Get together and talk and forget everything else. If you 2 were meant to be then God will bring you back together. You 2 have to work on trusting God and pray together. His mother needs to stay out of it! Good luck to you both and keep the faith!
I can't stand when people use God in order to manipulate other people to do what they want, but if an adult man is going to let him Mom control him like that you are probably better off.
Yep, been there done that. One of my ex's insisted that while she wanted to be with me, God did not want us together and she broke up with me.
Oh dear, this is terrible.
Not that this relationship has ended, but that you don't see that you've actually been spared from having a nutjob as a mother-in-law the rest of your life, and a husband who doesn't know how to be a man.
@Kikgirl - God told me you and I should date. What time can I pick you up?
(Read your bible. Just because someone says God told them something DOESN'T mean God actually told them that.)
I agree that everytime someone says they hear from God, they may not. Sadly because he believes it, there is nothing I can do but accept it. I pray that God really does reveal himself to him because regardless of his mother, I love him and he loves me and I am still prepared and willing to do what it takes. I just wish he didn't believe it
Here is a quote from Genesis 2:24 that might comfort you:
24 Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh.If the minister's son really loved you, he would cleave to you. And since "God told me," is worse than, "The Devil made me do it," you can rest assured that the man you think you love is not being honest with you.
He neither loves you, nor is he able to be honest with you about that which to you is most important (your relationship with him).
So what good is he?
She sounds like a fortune teller more then a minister.
Maybe you are not the right one for him but I can assure you God would have communicated this to you or your boyfriend first before his mother. Ministers don't have any special hotline to heaven,despite what most of them would like you to believe. She just didn't want you with her son. It was petty of her to wrap her own convictions up with a God bow.
I'm sorry this happened to you but break ups hurt whatever the reasons. I know you still love him but your ex sounds weak minded and easily led. You probably dodged a bullet. Im praying that your heart will heal and you will find someone more worthy of you. Big Hugs!!
Girl, you hit your knees and THANK the good Lord that he has led you away from these pair of kooky, pseudo-incestuous, lying freaks.
Now go find yourself a nice level-headed young man who actually loves you for who you are. Do not contact your ex. Just run, run, run away.
fruitcake! lol. you are much much much better off. when you marry someone, you marry their family too. that kind of crazy... you dont need it in your life.
sounds like you might have dodge a bullet..and If he is the guy for you then consider this an opportunity for growth as individuals.
I had a friend that was in what seemed like moving forward courtship..when it had to end. it ended because they both felt they were distracting each other from what was important to them "their faith" after taking the time to pray and and what they felt as growth..they got back together.
His god must have approved him being intimate with you and now his god regretted making that decision!
Proving his god is fallible!
Realising his god is a failure, he asked his Mommy, LOL!
Next!
You lucked out my dear. He's a momma's boy, and trust me on this one, you don't want to spend the rest of your life with one. For him, it had nothing to do with God. He listened to his mother, probably since the beginning of your relationship. Whatever reasons given, the pain will ease, and in time you'll find somebody worth your energy. I wouldn't want her for a mother in law. Nada. Zip. Over and done, thank you very much. I did feel at the time the spirit moving me in the direction of my present husband of 24 years. But it doesn't mean you don't have problems. We've had our share, but the bottom line was a willingness to doubt and to search when it came to churches, and, he's always treated my children like his own. If you get locked into life with someone who will never allow a conversation about changing churches, or exploring scripture meaning with you, to me that's one life of hell.
wow, you seriously believe god ended your relationship. newsflash, there's NO god, his mom ended it. christians are such morons
OUCH!
Something good must be in this!
Matthew 10:39 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever losesFirst, know:
their life for my sake
will find it."We are first to obey the law of God.Matthew 22:34-40 The Greatest Commandment Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees
got together.
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:
“Teacher,
which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your
soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest
commandment. And
the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" All
the Law and the
Prophets hang on these two commandments.I will not comment about the mother and her son; your former
boyfriend. Instead, I'll challenge you to keep the law and next, I'll ask you: "What does
God want from you?"There must be something specific about you as an individual,
as a person gifted
by God to perform His meaningful tasks of service to Him and to
others. Ask ceaselessly for this gift and ask for the wisdom to
discern what is for you
to know and what you must do. Otherwise how will you
sort out the chatter
and the knowing?There seems to be much chatter here in the comments.Your questioning is natural and it seems that you may know
that it is by
discipline and diligence that we grow in God's wisdom. He brings
about what
is necessary for our lives. We sometimes unexpectedly get a new
lesson and it
may sometimes be uncomfortable or even painful. Ask Him what is
to be
learned by this painful experience.
You people are crazy.
If you're going to go for this personal revelation stuff, then wait until you have one. If you're going to be influenced by other people with agendas then you lives will be just doing what other people want you to do. If God didn't speak to you, why?
Use your heads for pity's sake.
And go find a sane church. Any reputable minister will advise you fo course, but will tell you that in the final analysis, you have to follow your conscience.
i am thankful that you are out of that relationship. you are all the BEST that will fill someone's life. you are never second best.
Whenever someone tells me that "God" told them whatever thing, I always want to ask them how they knew it was God. In this situation, it seems like the classic case of someone using another person's religious beliefs to manipulate them into doing what they want. BF thinking God also told him you weren't supposed to be together could easily be explained by him being influenced by the power of suggestion.
First of all: women are excluded from being ministers by Scripture. That was her first mistake.
Second: no one gets direct revelation from God. That's why we have the Bible. Saying "God told me this" when it's clearly NOT him is using God's name in vain, and it breaks a commandment.
Whether or not you should date him aside, she sounds like a really messed up crazy lady thinking she's speaking for God, when she's really in sin for being a "minister" in the first place. Do you want a crazy lady mother in law?
@PrisonerxOfxLove@xanga 's comment was very good!
Supposedly God (or "the spirit") will never say anything outside of scripture... IF you feel you need to contact them, ask them what part of scripture is not being fulfilled by the relationship (Always go back to scripture: you can't argue with it!). Because if God puts an end to it, there's probably something not going according to scripture.
If they can respond with specifics of where your relationship was not fulfilling scripture (understanding that scripture accounts for sin and stumbling with grace and repentance), then perhaps they did hear something you didn't. However, if they can't clearly state what was wrong, using scripture, without allowing for repentance and forgiveness, then they are officially "Scumbag Christians", and you should run away and find better company.
scripture, scripture, scripture scripture! Sola Scriptura!