I was talking with my girlfriend about some purity stuff and how largely, porn and lust and other issues of such nature are things that most guys deal with over the course of their lives in some regard. She showed me an article where the author was giving suggestions to women to help their husbands and men in their lives who struggle with these issues. She mentioned how, for the most part, women do not stick up for their men; rather, they just let them struggle. Some do, however, stick up for the gentlemen in their lives, but those ladies are very few are fewer are vocal about it.
I am a guy who has had my struggles with purity-related things and, over the course of my 24 years, have met only a handful of ladies who back their men and come along side them in an active way in saying, "Let's beat this together. You do not have to worry about me leaving you. I want you to beat this and I want to beat it with you." No one did that for me when I was struggling. I was afraid to let most people know when I was really struggling (teenage years) and the ones I did feel some resemblance of confidence in were males.
When that burden is lifted, when a guy does not need to worry about performance and "doing right," but rather, is able to live in the grace of his significant other rather than strict orders, I think it makes it easier to shake off the awful manifestations of lust in the heart and to rid themselves of those issues.
Women: this is a call out. This is a call out to the ones who care, the ones who love. Where are you? Perhaps you do come alongside your boyfriend/husband silently, that you do it in a manner that is not known outside of the walls of your home. If that is you, great. Keep doing that. I would urge you to encourage other women to do so also. As a guy, I can vouch that your support in these endeavors are GREATLY appreciated.
For those of you who do not do these things, pray and ask for an opportunity that you may be able to approach your significant other about how, if they are struggling, you may be able to help them. When your family has experienced freedom, help another family out. Galatians 6:2 says, "Share each other's burdens..."
Men, how helpful would it be for a girlfriend or wife to come alongside you and help you battle your inner demons? Would it be something you would appreciate, or would it be something that made you feel weak? Women, how do you feel about the idea of helping your boyfriend or husband through struggles with purity? Do you feel like it's your responsibility to help, or is this something that men need to take care of themselves? Have any of you been in a relationship where this sort of supportiveness existed, and how did that change your relationship?
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Comments (5)
(1) I love this article but it also leaves me wondering about the single person. Who fights for them?
(2) I still like this article, but sometimes I think guys get the brunt of this. In my opinion, women also have things that their spouses, fiances, or boyfriends can help them fight. I am speaking of the girl version of pron, which to be includes erotic books/romance novels ("50 Shades of Gray" or the new movie "Magic Mike" being current examples), as well as shows like "Greys Anatomy" (and other Soap Operas)). To be these types of things initiate the same emotions in women that lust and visual porn do in men, also leading to unrealistic expectations as well.
just some thoughts.
@luctamur@xanga - I know, what I meant was, I think as brothers and sisters i the faith, we can help one another fight, not just spouses/significant others, but as godly people and godly friends. I just left it as a rhetorical question, to provoke thought, but I knew my answer
I think having other guy friends are good, but sometimes I think it lets us maybe feel it is not as bad because others, so men go from too much shame to not enough shame... if that makes sense. I think it could work the same way for women on the opposite end as well.
In my 56 years in this wretched society & 3 husband's...I've FINALLY found, that there's only ONE who'll always be there, always be strong, always be healthy, always put you first, always NEVER leave you nor forsake you...(you know the answer)...yup, our Messiah !
True blue to the end & I'll swear to that in any country's court of law...
Do not rely on our brothers & sisters, as the fall can/does/will wipe you out, with often no complete recovery...you also never know how long they'll remain !!
(ref: Psalms 18: 35 -36)
I just wanted to say that porn and lust is not only a man's struggle, and I think in some ways it's even harder or more shameful for a woman to admit to. Society and even Christian circles often talk about porn as if it's a male temptation or sin. It's sort of 'normal' (and perhaps even expected) for a man to struggle with porn, but not a woman. I tried talking to female counsellors/leaders in church and although no one ever responded with shock, it was obvious that none of them had the slightest idea how to help me.