Tuesday, 17 July 2012
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Are Children Really a Blessing?
By Conrad Ma
One of the things that I struggle to believe these days is how children are a blessing. As I grew up as a Christian in the past decade, I've always been taught that children are a blessing. They are cute, they are a joy to work with and they bring alive my inner child as I work with them on the job. I work with kids for a living at the moment. I can say that I am at least part way there to becoming a daddy. For all my clients, I try to put as much as much care as I can. So I know children deserve and need love from a caretaker no matter what.At first, I did believe Children are a blessing. But I ran into a few doubts. As I grow up to learn to manage a household, finances are a very important part of that. In Canada, there are a few estimates on how much it costs to raise a child from 0-18yrs. I found ranges from $166,000 - $182,000. I guess that depends on a lot of factors. But the point is that costs do add up when raising a child. (and is just this is just ONE child) It adds up to quite a bit per year if I am the man and sole breadwinner of the household. And of course depending on where you're reading this blog, the cost will vary. But for the most part, children cost a lot of money to raise.
So it is the cost that first got me to doubt whether Children are that much of a blessing or not. On a daily basis I deal with children with autism. For parents of these children I really feel for their situation. Some respond to therapy and others don't. And if those others don't, what happens? It's just tough. Getting back to the economics part of this post, there's the additional cost of therapy on top basic needs for these families.
Moving on to another part of my life, I also serve at the youth ministry at my local church. And one of the biggest things in youth ministry is conflict between parents and counsellors on how parents are leaving it up to the youth ministry to teach their kids. You know what? If our parents believe whole heartedly that children are a blessing, then why aren't they teaching their kids like they should be? Its not that I hate being a counsellor. In fact, I love getting to know all these youth. I can teach these kids all I know but I'm technically not their Mom and Dad and Moms and Dads should be just that...Moms and Dads..period.
Also, as I struggle through where I fit in this world as a 20 something, I struggle to figure out how it will all work out. When I go into workforce, my generation is already facing a lot of competition going for just one of those good paying jobs out there that would be able to provide. In addition, universities upped the admission averages and requirements to higher than ever. Its not just a degree that would get you a job. Now the magic word is a "Masters" degree.
So I look at that overall picture, and I wonder whether I should even bring a kid of my own into the picture with these seemingly scarce amount of resources out there. Some say that there is enough resources out there for everyone. We just have to manage it better. But can we seriously count on people to manage it better with how sinful and greedy we are? In North America, we have a upper-middle class living in 3000+ sqft homes with plenty of room to spare while there's children and families in Africa starving to death and living in next to nothing. Nevertheless, I can't seem to ignore the economics of everything.
To conclude, all these doubts I have can really be attributed back to a lack of faith in God and Jesus who I have come to know and love. Even for the tough situations I mentioned with my clients, I can see how special needs children can be a blessing in disguise. And really, all those economic things that I mentioned here are just things out of my control. It is only my faith in God's provision that I should be worrying about. Now, I can't say I am willing to think of kids of my own. But what I am willing to do is learn to have more faith in God.
Do you believe that Children are a blessing? What doubts have you been wrestling with?
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Comments (9)
I have issues with this too....that came from 7 years of working in nurseries and day cares....and as a woman, I have big issues with the way I would go about getting a child....the whole process....from start to finish.
It isn't what we believe, it is what God says. He created them, male and female in his own image he created them.
It is being created in the image of God that we are blessed.And God also created a universe overflowing with resources. So if things are tight, the problem is not God's blessing, it's man's ignorance.
Further, how is it that bad parents are somehow the cause of children not be a blessing? It is not the children's fault that parents aren't doing their jobs properly.
I see where your coming from but I think once you actually have your own kid you'll be able to see why a child is a blessing. I don't have any kids but I have 4 younger siblings and, as much as I've hated them at times, I truly enjoyed raising them and growing up with them. Sure I wasn't in charge of paying for all their needs but being able to take care of then and bulding up a relationship is priceless. I've asked parents, well moms, if it really was that painful to have a baby and that much of a sacrifice to raise them and they all said that it was but that every bit of pain and struggle was all wroth it at the end.
I think it was Padre Pio who said, "Pray, and don't worry."
I think our secular culture has a world view that could be reduced to: "Worry always, feel guilty, don't have rug rats -- they're using up all our stuff."
Choice: listen to the voice of our culture which is ok with aborting babies by the millions, or follow Christianity which sees kids as a blessing. The choice is easy.
When things seem hopeless, my favorite quote, by the obscure Catholic writer Reinhold Schneider, is: "Pray always, even when it is not possible." Kids are special.
The best quote I ever saw on making the decision of whether or not to have children was in the movie Eat, Pray, Love.
"Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it's what you want before you commit."
I have found this to be absolutely true. I am a hands-on parent; every school meeting, doctor's appointment, teaching opportunity, meal and playtime, I am there. Parenting is not a part-time thing, it is a lifelong career and beautiful beyond measure. However, if you are not 100% sure you can do it, DON'T. My son approached me a few years ago to tell me he didn't feel that he would ever want to have children of his own and I struggled with it a little because eventually it'd be nice to have some grandchildren and he was only a teenager at the time and I thought he might change his mind. A decade later he still feels this way and I support him in it because being the mother of three children I know the work and expense involved (especially with special needs children, as I have two). It's not something you can do half-assed. As wonderful, kind and caring as my son is, he knows himself well enough to understand that he needs to set himself on a different path and that he won't be able to accomplish what he wants to do if he has children.
I only gave him two small bits of advice, which I will now share with you:
1) Be sure that the decisions you make are the right ones for your life, and
2) Don't let anyone pressure you into doing this or anything else that isn't right for you. Not to please them, their church or their community; they do not have to live with your choices. Only you do.
Of course, whether you decide to apply that advice to your own life is up to you.
And please, stop thinking there's something wrong with you or with your relationship with god if you don't want children; not everyone is called to be a parent. Having a fully operational reproductive system is not the only prerequisite for good parenting and that's what people should be concerned about. Not just having babies, but being good parents. You're doing the healthiest, wisest possible thing you can by putting some serious thought into it first.
I have raised 3 kids- the youngest is 22yrs. the oldest almost 30.
I can understand how you feel. I did daycare and children's ministry till I got burnt out and sounds like you need a vacation lol.One thing to keep in mind is, there are those parents out there that DO raise and teach their own kids. My husband and I are a set that is very much that way. What you are seeing more and more are kids that come from home with either 4 "parents" or 1. And it is sad to say that a lot (Not all) of these kids just "kinda happened" to their parents and the parents really don't care the way they should about raising them.
And things are Really different when its your OWN child. You can raise him how YOU want to - not according to someone else- with the exception of your spouse lol!
We were flat broke most of the time we were raising our kids. We had bill collectors calling us and my husband and been "down sized" and laid off and all three of our kids were in the hospital - 2 with tonsillitis and one with an appendicitis. We prayed like EVERY day, All day. And lot of the time we had no clue where our next dime was gonna come from.
I can tell you, that do this day, I do not know how we made it except that the Lord took care of us all! I have come to the conclusion that raising kids is THEE Most important job in the world and the Lord in His wisdom makes it impossible to do without His help because He so wants to be apart of raising HIS kids. Yes, His kids. He knits them together and He wants to be apart of their life and if you don't let Him... well... He has His ways of letting you know LOL.
YES they are a HUGE Blessing and they are also your BIGGEST source of pain. But I would not have traded being a parent for anything! You learn so much about G-d and kids and life, its crazy!
And there is only ONE, count 'em 1 thing you need to know how to do before you become a parent- how to PRAY. Everything else you have to learn as you go - 'cause every child is different!
And like ZombieMom says- not every "has to" be a parent. Some people prefer not to be and that's ok!
....YES!!! With no reservations, at all... But all GOOD things come with a price, as anyone knows, GOOD THINGS ARE NEVER 'FREE'!!!.... Never forget that little fact!!! .... Peace
What you have to realize is to actually have kids is a blessing, to raise them is a responsibility. I think you get the latter but haven't thought about the former.
I am a 44 year old woman who is childless but certainly not by choice. When I hear people gripe about children, it hurts my heart because there isn't anytihng that my husband I would want more than to have a child of our own. Why God never blessed us with any is beyond our understanding. There is nothing medically wrong with us; never has been. Sometimes God just says no. And in our case, that is exactly what He has said. We will never truly understand.
I see children as a blessing because they are not something you can go to school for or work towards and purchase. They are not like pursuing a college degree or a promotion at work. They are given by God. Just like love. You can be the wealthiest person in the world or the most educated person in the world and even so there is no guarantee you will have the love of a suitable spouse. Like children, it is a blessing. .
God doesn't have to give us anything. He only wants our love and our obedience. But God gives some of us special blessings. Some of us are BLESSED with the love of a good spouse and some of us are blessed with children. Some are given both. And both are GIFTS from God. Like I said, you can't go to school for it and you cannot purchase it.
I watch the young mother across the street from me quite often as she sits outside and watches her children play and I wonder if she realizes how blessed she is...or if she just takes it for granted. If she could ony see herself through my eyes then she would see what a treasure she has in having af family.
It's not healthy to look at all the negatives in raising children. Everything has a negative. There is no up with out a down. Yes, it takes money to raise children but they are your legacy. It also takes money to get a college degree. Or to maintain a car. Or maintain a home. But no one seems to gripe much about those things.
I WISH I would have been given the chance to have children......and to give back. To be in charge of another human being....to help develop their minds and their bodies...and teach them about God is such an honor that I don't have the words to adequately express it. To give of yourself to that extreme and to love unconditionally is a BLESSING that I have no words to describe.
I hope and pray you will rethink the way you see children.
God bless.