I was talking to a lady the other day. She was talking about some struggles she was having with her relationship with her husband. It was a typical problem, as common as green grass on a rainy day. Yet still painful, for each problem, no matter how common, is still lived out one person, or couple, or family at a time.
As she was talking I could see that forgiveness on her part was growing. They were still in relationship, and now are living together as a married couple again, but there is still something she is holding back. It is of course trust, something we can bestow on one another, but when broken, well, the effect can be devastating. What she felt and experienced with that betrayal of trust is not yet understood by the husband and until that is seen by him and understood in all of its shock and pain, the relationship may not be able to move on.
To be able to trust can be very freeing, but the betrayal can cause deep wounds that will have an affect on ones whole life. Trust is in the end a conscious choice, especially after one has experienced a failed relationship over trust issues.
Mercy and forgiveness is good to give because it can be freeing. For the one forgiven or shown mercy to, however, if the offense is not understood on some deep level, then it will only be one sided. To receive mercy is a great shock to ones self image, hopefully a healthy one, leading to a reestablishment of trust and love.
I believe we are all capable of betrayal, and when that happens we often seek mercy, we desire it, and hopefully we can extend it to others as well. Mercy does not always reestablish trust, it is a gift, something free, it can’t be demanded and when it is lost, painful as that can be, it may at times be wise not to extend it again, or to expect it if guilty of betrayal.
When have you been betrayed? When have you betrayed another's trust? What steps can we take to regain the trust of those we've betrayed?
Recommend
Comments (5)
yep, this hits home. though not with my spouce, thank goodness.
Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Trust is a very fragile creature, and sometimes cannot be re-established after a breaking of it. When someone violates your trust, intentionally, that is very revealing about that person's character. Your decision to forgive is based on many things, including your desire to re-establish a relationship with that person, their behavior and attitude toward the incident, remorse or understanding of the incident by the perpetrator, amends made, or attempted by the perpetrator and so on.
In most intimate relationships, where we are likely to extend trust wholly, even small violations can be very damaging. Telling "white lies". "Forgetting" to be somewhere on time. Taking money out of his wallet. Flirting with the old girlfriend at a party. Getting home late from "girls night out". Being sketchy about who you were with, and where. All these little things erode trust, and tempt us to betray our spouses on a larger scale.
Sometimes trust is mortally wounded and either cannot be healed, or the violated person is so hurt they are incapable of extending forgiveness. Usually that includes a third party in a relationship. Theft. Most criminal acts. Sexual crimes. Many times, through counseling, and a true desire on both spouses parts, forgiveness can be achieved, but neither will ever "forget". And re-establishing trust will be very difficult, if it can be done at all.
Thankfully our Father in Heaven does forgive, He does forget, and He does trust us, even when we fail again and again. That is the part that is so hard for us to accept. How can He do that, when we are so incapable of it ourselves? When we come face to face with that, it often makes a huge impact on us of the level of love and sacrifice that God made for us, every one of us, no matter how rotten, how evil, how horrid our behaviors and actions. When we acknowledge our behavior, and vow to repent (turn away from) with sincerity, God forgives our sins, and they are wiped away, and we are once again as unblemished and pure as the wind-driven snow. Incredible. His love for us is greater than we can truly comprehend.
@xXrEMmUsXx@xanga -
Your lucky, I will pray that it will continue.
Peace
mark
@Ork58@xanga -
It is diffiuclt and can seem impossible to forgive, well it is without grace I believe. I do think forginess can be given, though trust can be withheld, since trust is something that is earned. For instance, one can love a family member who is an addict, but not trust them in ones house alone. Forgiveness frees us from the power the harm others do to us, it also frees others from the harm we do to them. Because we struggle so much, the wonder of God's forgiveness over and over agian is truly amazing beyond comprehension.
Peace
Mark
I've been betrayed many times by many different people. The fact that they still breathe proves that I have mercy towards them. I say this because there have been plenty of times in which I was hurt so bad that I wanted to kill the person. For my sake and their's I walked away from the situation instead, despite my anger. Whoever God is has helped me through the pain even though I have no set religion yet.