Deuteronomy 6:6-9 says, "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."
Following what's written in this scripture creates a happy life for both children and parents. I don't want other little children to have excessive fear towards their father because it is not a healthy relationship within a home -- especially a home of Christians.
From the first time I was aware of what was going on around me, all I thought about my father was that he was the authoritarian leader of the house. I've feared him much up to now, and I don't feel it is good. During the times before we were Born Again Christians, he disciplined us in a shameful way. At some points, it brought good to us, but what is bad about it is, all of us, eight children, grew up distant to him. I can't remember moments when my father and I talked in a casual way. I hadn't asked him for an allowance or even felt comfort when he was around. I feared him much even up to now, a result of what he did in the past.
No doubt that he is a hard-working father, but what we don't like about him is he is so disciplinarian, unpredictable, and demanding. But when he became Christian in 2005, a few good changes took place. Thank God! He is truly a healer. But there are still few negative behaviors waiting to be washed out through prayers.
Today is Father's Day. It will be difficult on my part to greet my father because we aren't close and I am not vocal. I hope I could be. I am working on closeness between us, although I know it is not that easy. I believe in the power of prayers, as Luke 1:37 says, "For God nothing is impossible."
So when I celebrated my last birthday, I woke up at dawn and went to our Church Center to ask for nothing but for a forgiving heart towards my father. He had not hurt me directly, but I feel there is a broken relationship between us. I also prayed for a healed relationship during the Women's Encounter when I was out of the country. I even plan to move out of the house because sometimes I feel like distance helps in recuperation.
But even my father is not perfect. Even though we have this kind of broken relationship, I thank God Jesus for giving him to me because without him, I would not be like I am right now -- successful in my field because I was trained by a disciplinarian father.
May he finds happiness in us, his successful offspring, and may he be closer to God Jesus, the One who can truly change life on a brighter side so he will be a father loved not feared by us. I bravely say to Papa,"Happy Father's Day, Papa!"
Do you have a strained relationship with your father? How difficult is it to celebrate a day like Father's Day when there is distance in the relationship? How can those who have distant relationships with their fathers show their appreciation for their fathers on Father's Day?
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Comments (3)
Since you have the gift of being able to express your thoughts in writing, perhaps the best way to communicate with your Father is to write out your feelings in letters to him. Who knows, he may be quite eloquent with a pen. If you are not comfortable facing him one-on-one in person, then find another way.
Sometimes a person comes across unpleasant or too strongly without even knowing it. My kids friends would often quietly ask them, "Why is your Dad so angry?" when I wasn't angry at all. The look on my face made them think I was upset. After my son told me that, I made it a point to break out in a big smile and greet them all whenever I saw them. Totally changed the relationships between us, opened up lines of communication and trust. And I never even knew there was a problem.
You state in the early days he "disciplined you in a shameful way". Perhaps that was the only way he knew. Often we raise up our kids in the way we were raised. If that was how he was disciplined as a child, could well be he felt his methods were quite normal. At least you have the benefit of knowing how you would not discipline your child when the time comes. And even in that, you acknowledge you have benefitted from his disciplinarian style, in that it incorporated self-discipline within you.
Pray continually for him, petition God to change his heart, and try novel ways of communicating with him. You may find he is terribly lonely on the inside and just dying for good communications with his kids, of whom he no doubt loves very much. He may have no idea why he isn't "close" to any of you.
I have a good relationship with my 90 year old dad, but growing up, he was a rageholic, and the most abusive to my brother. I find most of my resentment goes towards my mother, for never even attempting to step in and help my brother, who was close to strangulation on many occasions. As an adult I called her on this, and she seemed totally surprised, exclaiming, "What could I do?" These things should be addressed from the pulpit. Ways to make a plan to leave. Ways to make it unacceptable to live like that. Guest speakers from local shelters should be invited. Take it down a generation, and my father tried to abuse my son the same way he abused my brother. My father is LDS, and my husband took this problem to dad's bishop, who called him on it, took away his temple recommend for a year, basically cut him off at the knees. He actually told us once when we were having difficulties with our teenage son that he could kill him for us and no one would ever find him. A good talking relationship, but warm and fuzzy, no.
Everyone out there, even if you haven't what it takes to bring this to the pulpit, you need not live in anxiety and fear. Seek out a counselor. I hesitate to say Pastor, because too many times in my life I've seen Pastors counsel women to stay and figure out ways to make it work, when the problem doesn't start with them. You need a plan. A plan for leaving. A plan including a good friend, shelter, social worker from your child's school.