Friday, 25 May 2012
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I Like Him, but He's Not a Christian
By Janine
So, I really like this one guy -- except he's not a Christian. My parents wanted me to date a guy that was a Christian, but I love him. He's not open up to religion, and I don't know how to change this. I need some advice.
What advice or encouragement can you give? Have you ever been in a similar situation? What did you do in your experience, and what was the outcome?
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Comments (41)
being with a non believer is ROUGH, it will effect every single aspect of your life...what do you do on Holidays, what do you teach your kids, how about real support that only someone grounded in Christ can give.... I'm with your parents...or hold off & see if he''l let God reach him. I would really search your heart to see if he is truly the one...bc God WILL be in it if he is.
This sounds like a repeat post that was on here before. First you have to define what dating means to you. Is it just hanging out or is it romantic? Sounds like it might be romantic because you said you love him. As a Christian, if you're thinking of marrying him, then it's a bad idea. The bible says a Christian should only marry a Christian and not be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. You could take a gamble in hopes that he might get saved, but that is not a wise choice. Sure it's possible and has happened before but that's not what the bible guides you to do. There's a lot of people that took the gamble and the outcome didn't end up good. The ultimate choice is up to you. Do you care what the bible says?
You should be a grown-up and a truth seeker, which means not surrounding yourself exclusively with people who share your convictions, which is the easiest way to maintain an entrenched belief system.
A Christian girl once quit seeing me because of our differences, despite me being 100% okay with them. Her reason? Because apparently atheists aren't okay with dating Christians. Even though I was willing to date her. She said she was open-minded enough to see an atheist, but couldn't because she was convinced that atheists weren't open-minded enough to see Christians. I honestly doubt she ever grasped the irony.
Basically, don't be like her. If there is a God, then God is love, and you have legitimate feelings for this guy, then you should embrace them. You sound young so it's not like it's a big deal if it takes time. The worst case scenario is that you learn something.
Scripture is clear that we are not to be romantically involved with nonbelievers. I'm not really sure what else to say. It's that clear.
@jessispeaks - If it's clear why don't you produce references? All due respect but you leave the impression that you're just spouting what someone's told you.
It all boils down to how individuals are. My brother does not believe as far as I still know, it's been a while since we spoke about such serious stuff, but he married a devout Roman Catholic and they have a lasting happy marriage and have produced some fine upright children now educated adults contributing to society.
Let's remove religion from the topic altogether, if you want to change him, you clearly don't love him. Move on and look for somebody you appreciate for who they are.
1. You can't change him; only he can decide what to believe.
2. Do you wish he was Christian for YOUR sake, or only because your parents want him to be? There's a difference.
3. If being with a Christian is that important to you (and as a Christian it should be), wait for someone who is also just as amazing as this guy, but who also shares your beliefs.
I have been interested in a lot of non-Christians throughout the years, and it always came down to the same result; my heart couldn't accept the idea of dating a non-Christian. So now that's a dealbreaker and I don't even consider dating those who don't share my beliefs.
@Lovegrove@xanga - I'm not speaking for another user, and yet they do have a point. This verse is a commonly cited justification for not dating/marrying non-Christians.
2 Corinthians 6:14King James Version (KJV)
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
@Lovegrove@xanga - A Catholic cannot marry an atheist in the Church unless he converts.
So either your atheist brother is now a Catholic or his wife married outside the Church and is an adulterer.
That means she can't take Holy Communion anymore because in the eyes of the Church she living with a man while not being married.
My sister married a divorced non-Catholic and struggles greatly with not being able to receive Eucharist.
I walked away. I found that there was a whole aspect of my life that I couldn't share without getting a turned up nose. And that's not good for any relationship to have someone indifferent or against something that means so much to you.
And thinking about my future kids and how they would be so confused growing up about what to believe, because both parents are so opposed. You can't undo things later without causing a lot of damage. Your parents have practical as well as spiritual wisdom here, cause they know what it's like to be married, and they will say "I told you so."
Dragging him to church will start making YOU the spiritual leader in the home. Don't expect him to take over.
My advice: Though it may seem really hard right now, it will be a lot harder down the road to end the relationship. It has the added benefit of showing him how serious you are about your faith, and would be much more of a reason to check out your faith than being forcibly drug to church. Those are my thoughts.
Hope God leads you down the right path.
@Lovegrove@xanga - Most Christians are completely 100% aware of what the right thing to do is in this situation, but yet they try to find a way around it. I hope that this person is just unaware of this but I find that hard to believe.
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
Paul goes into detail as well later about what to do if you are married, then become a CHristian, but your spouse does not. People asked Paul questions about dating and marrying nonbelievers back in the first century; yet here we are, still asking what to do today, when the question's already been answered for us.
I truly believe that being unequally yoked has its weight for a
reason, otherwise it wouldn't be in the Bible, right? Its one of those
things that normally just doesn't end well and the Lord KNOWS
it doesn't so he is basically trying to keep you from heartbreak. Yes,
there are instances where it HAS, but that is few and far between.
Another
scenario to put out here~2 young believing Christians, same faith, have
dated 5 years. All of the sudden, one changed faith. Now there are all
kinds of problems. It doesn't even, or at least in my eyes, have to do
with being "CHRISTIANS." It has to do with same faith or as some call
it, religion. In order to have a wonderful marriage and family life,
there just has to be balance. A common ground.
At this point, all
you can tell the girl, is purely to pray about it. SHE NEEDS TO BE A
WITNESS to this guy, and who knows, he just may come to know Christ. But
if she knows his heart is hardened and he WONT, she needs to find love elsewhere.
And
to think, what she thinks is love NOW...if and when she finds the RIGHT
guy, how much MORE that love will be. We throw the word love out so
much that some just dont understand the depth of the word.
you're still a teenager. wait until you find out what love really is before you start throwing away your standards and convictions.
@iones_island@xanga - wonderful way to say that! Amen!
I was engaged to a non-Christian. I had a lot of sleepless nights about it. When I looked at families around me where one parent wasn't a believer, I noticed that the children, more often than not, also did not believe. Although there are no guarantees, I wanted my future kids to grow up in a Christian home and have the best chance at also becoming Christians. That was really what led to me breaking up with him. If it was just about me, I'd probably have stayed, but I had to consider the bigger picture.
I know you're just talking about dating, but what's the point of dating if marriage doesn't become a possibility at some point. The real question here is are you accepting or rejecting God's authority in your life?
The bible is pretty clear, do not align yourself with someone who is not equally yoked...
ask yourself, does my relationship with this guy bring glory and honor to the Lord, does he challenge me in my relationship or walk with the Lord?
These both are valid questions, it is my opinion, that we as christians should have high standards, we are to be set apart from the world, not looking more like it
Also you can't save him or change him.... only God can draw the hearts of men toward HIM. so dont date him thinking that you will lead this guy to the Lord, because you can't and you wont
I'm going to tell you this right now, and I hope you listen. You can't change him. The only person who can change him is God. And we all know what God says about being unequally yolked. Now I know you're thinking you can go into this relationship thinking you will change him. But the only way you will be successful is if God wants to change him. And it goes both ways. He will change you, and because he's not a Christian it will not be for the better. I'm not saying that he's not a good guy, but he's not a Christian. And he doesn't have Christlike standards and morals. I'm telling you all of this from experience. All of my other relationships suffered because of my relationship with this guy. He was saved, but he was a very new Christian. And wasn't ready to change his life because of it. I liked him and people told me that it would be good for him to date a good Christian girl (aka me). Well, it may have been good for him, but it was not good for me. I was changing. I started to get a really nasty attitude towards my parents and siblings. I stopped hanging out with my friends and started hanging out with his. And the worst of all I started neglecting my relationship with God. Towards the end of our relationship God opened my eyes, and I was disgusted with who I had become. I prayed about our relationship and I knew that I had to end it. After I ended the relationship, my family said there was almost an instant change. I hadn't completely changed back to my old self. I still have to work on some of the things that changed when I was with him. I'm not perfect. I never was. I never will be. But, now at least I'm trying to be the person God wants me to be.
So I just have a question for you. Do you want that to happen to you? He says he's not open to religion. That may never change. I think you really need to pray hard about this and meditate on God's Word before you make any sort of decision.
@PrisonerxOfxLove@xanga - They married in a church and she goes to mass regularly. I guess the RCs are more relaxed about things in the UK.
@xhalesx - I know atheists with more standards and morals and act like Christ far more than some Christians I know. The only important part should be how you treat and respect each other.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14: ... " For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the
unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your
children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."
The important part should only be whether you treat each other with respect. You can't change him, nor should you try.
@Lovegrove@xanga - Roman Catholicism is the same everywhere and priests are sticklers for the rules. It's probably your sister who is relaxed in her religious practice.
Christianity in a nutshell: Love Christ, love others.
If you love him, you love him. He is one of God's children just like you. Your job is not to tell him he's wrong or that he NEEDS to convert, just let him know the reason you love him, and the only way you're able to love him, is because God loves you. Without God, there's no love.
You have to live like Christ, that means being around non-believers more often than other believers. That means being humble and not trying to change someone, only showing them love and telling them why you're able to love the way you do.
@timeformycoffeebreak@xanga - This is very true. We become beings of Love once we are born again in Christ. As far as marriage goes, dating and being married to an unbeliever is not the same as discipleship with an unbeliever. When you marry you become one flesh. Christ was able to take on our transgression and wash them clean. Unfortunately, we cannot take on each other's transgressions. All we can do is lead them to Christ who can do that. We should lay down our lives and devout ourselves to that very thing. When you are compassionate about Christ...Christ becomes a part of everything you do. If that person is interested in the Christ in you, they will want to know him for themselves and that will become evident, but if they are not, they will not. As believers, the strongest part of our love is that others around us come to know Christ because of us. If you do not wish for that person to become a believer, to have eternal life with Christ as you will, why do you Love him? I think that is a question you should ponder/pray before making a decision that affects the rest of your life and your commitment with Christ