Tuesday, 15 May 2012
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Praying My Mental Illness Away Didn't Work
Mercy Ministries is a six-month residential treatment center that treats young women with “life controlling issues” such as self harm, eating disorders, victims of abuse, drug abuse, alcoholism, suicidal tendencies. They are a multi-national, popular, charismatic, Christianity based, residential treatment center that I’d like to see shut down.I was 20 when I stayed at Mercy Ministries America for four months in 2008 to deal with issues that had been affecting me for years -- eating disorders, PTSD, dissociative disorders and severe chemical depression. By the time I made it to Mercy I had been in a dozen or more psychiatric wards and all I wanted was to feel better. To feel ground under my feet. I was greeted with something far from that. It was much more then just throwing me out the door. What they did to me was very wrong.
Going into Mercy I was basically promised the world. I was promised freedom from my illnesses if I would just obey them and in turn obey God. If I did as they said I would be free. And that's all I wanted was to feel better. If you told me that walking across country would make me better, I would have done it. I was weak, I was vulnerable, I was very sick. I knew going into Mercy that it was a "tough" program. But I was convinced that's what I needed.
I had been convinced that I had somehow faulted in someway and that in order to make myself right I had to go through some type of 'boot camp'. It's a popular mindset among those who suffer with the types of illnesses Mercy takes in. That they did something wrong, that they caused it. Mercy reinforced this type of thinking.
I walked through Mercy's perfectly cleaned doors on June 18th 2008, hopeful for a full recovery -- not knowing that mental illnesses doesn't go away with prayer, or the turn of a Bible or all the chores in the world. I was excited, I would walk out of there a champion. But three months went by, we had worked on removing me from my medications, I had read copious amounts of books, done my weekly "counseling sessions" with my "counselor", did all my chores, followed their every command and I was just getting worse. I finally broke down one day after getting yelled at by a staff member and asked to call my mom, so she could help me make a decision on leaving the program.
They kept yelling at me "You're not calling your mom. You're not special!" (we were only allowed phone calls on the weekends.)
I walked out of the home and down the driveway to find my own phone. Only I didn't make it. They caught me and brought me back and put me on probation. No mail. One phone call a week. This is the first time I had gotten in trouble at all and they used it against me to the max.
My month of probation went by, and I was tired. I was exhausted. I had been taken off all of my medications at this point and I could barely pull myself out of bed in the morning, and we were not allowed to sleep during the day. I was so tired of them ordering me around. They weren't helping me. To say I was tired of it, was an understatement. I don't usually jump when one says jump. But I did it. I did it for three months, because they told me it would make me be able to live again. And after three months and no results I was tired of it.
One morning I refused to get out of bed. I told them "I am tired. I am not getting out of bed". This may seem like "okay you're an adult, you can make your own decision". But to Mercy, this is a total lack of "willingness to work the program" and follow their every whim. Yes this only happened once. They called me down to the head's office. "We called your mom, your plane leaves in 4 hours, get upstairs and pack your stuff". It was October, right after my 21st birthday.
I started sobbing, I still had it in my head that Mercy was the only way that I would survive. I belted out "but I'll die out there!" They cared little. They shoved all the pills I never got to take in the front sack of my suitcase and sent me out that same day, with no follow up care. I sent a letter soon after asking them to please take me back, but they didn't respond until January.
They kept playing weird games "Yea you'll get back in", "Well we're not really sure". Until finally I cut them off, I stopped all contact with Mercy and haven't spoken to them since. Two days later I ended up swallowing the pills they sent me home with and landing myself in a medical hospital for two weeks and a psychiatric hospital for two months. At that point I had no hope whatsoever of ever feeling better.
I finally got my insurance back, that I lost while I wasn't receiving my mail there, I was able to receive psychiatric care again and it took a lot of hard work to be able to "feel better," Like real recovery of mental illnesses, I have down periods and I can admit them and work past them and it's okay for me to have them. I don't have to hide them. I no longer act on my eating disorder, but am careful, because it will always exist and my depression is manageable now, although unfortunately Mercy has heightened my PTSD and dissociative disorders, so that is still a constant struggle. But it's one that I am taking strides to accomplish at mastering so that I can continue to move forward with my life.
Mercy will try to take on really severe cases in order to get better success stories, but usually these girls end up being kicked out in the end and even more sick. It starts from the very beginning when they tell you there are "700 girls on the waiting list" and "only God knows if you should get in". That's when you start fighting for your life. But you're fighting for nothing and when you realize that, it really hurts.
I now continue to fight against Mercy Ministries and try to get people to understand they are a destructive cult who takes advantage of young girls weaknesses. I am not the only one who claims this of Mercy, who calls them a cult. Even Rick Ross, cult expert, will tell you that Mercy Ministries fits the BITE model for mind control and is in fact a cult.
Have you ever heard of Mercy Ministries or other ministry organizations that try to heal mental illness through prayer, duty and counseling? Do you think it's wise to attempt to heal mental illness just by prayer, or is there a better way? Have you ever been in a similar situation?
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- From: NoMercyGiven@xanga
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Comments (83)
Your story belongs in the papers. Spread the word that mental illness cannot be solved through spiritual means. It is not an issue with the "person", but with the chemicals in the person. Proper treatment and respect will lead to legitimate progress and success. And only if the person truly wants it.
You will get it and succeed. I promise you.
Have you ever heard of Mercy Ministries or other ministry organizations that try to heal mental illness through prayer, duty and counseling? I have not. I will look them up though and find out more about them as they are severely misguided when it comes to treating mental illnesses.
Do you think it's wise to attempt to heal mental illness just by prayer, or is there a better way? I became a Christian the day before I was admitted to a hospital for what was eventually diagnosed as Schizophrenia. For me, a mixture of medically sound science and my own personal faith is what has helped me to not necessarily be healed, but be the best I can be at this point in my recovery.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? Sort of. I think that when news reached some of my family of my illness that a lot of them turned to prayer simply because they were unsure of how to deal with it any other way. The only relative I have who has my illness is in North Carolina and is unavailable. So I couldn't turn to him for advice on how to deal with it. How to cope with it. Any of that. But I took my prescribed medications and stayed away from drugs and alcohol and prayed constantly. Early on I prayed to not have my brothers have the same illness. I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemies. Now I pray that if they do get it that they would seek help and receive genuine help in the form of licensed medical doctors and prescriptions. I would also recommend to them seeking out a counselor who is familiar with mental illnesses and can help them in their spiritual walk as their faith, like mine, will be severely tested over the course of the rest of their life.
To the OP: Thank you for being brave enough to post this. I am going to friend you now.
Mental illness can be caused by many things. There is no one size fits all solution.
Some mental illness has a spiritual cause so addressing it with spirituality would make sense.
But in your case there might be other factors that contribute to your illness.
@PrisonerxOfxLove@xanga - Shit knows what's causing yours, sweetness <3
This is so tragic and sad, and I am truly sorry that you have experienced this. As someone with experience in mental health and having previous experience with "ministries" like this, it just breaks my heart to see so many people neglected, abused, and hurt, by those seeking treatment for their mental illness.
With mental illness treatment, there have been numerous studies done that have documented the positive effects of faith and spirituality on recovery, but this was done WITH legitimate treatment (ongoing counseling, medication compliance, group/family therapy, etc.). The idea that things I named should be removed from treatment and that banishing a demon or prayer will help is quite scary to me; not only as a mental health clinician, but as a Christian as well. I recognize that God can use the scientific advances in mental illness study and treatment to help someone with mental illness decrease their symptoms and live a better life.
As you stated here, no one is really "cured" of their illness. It is an ongoing process that needs to be reviewed, tweaked, and examined regularly, however, with support from family, friends, coupled with your faith, I am sure that you will find "the peace that passes all understanding." I wish you nothing but the most imaginable happiness!
One, I'm sorry for the bad experience you had. It doesn't sound like a very loving, Christ-centered place. I don't think anyone would advocate that this is how things should be done. As a Christian and a person who has taken many psychology courses, I can say that this is not how I would go about helping a mentally ill person, whether their problems be spiritual or physiological.
Two, you may have not meant it this way, but I got the overall vibe that I got from this article was that, Hey, I tried praying and that didn't work *shakes fist at God* and now you are bitter. Maybe I'm wrong but if not, I would definitely advise not to do that :) That's not going to help you and God's not going to be like, "Oh crap, prayer didn't work?! Now what am I going to do?!?!"
Three, how we deal with suffering--be it mental illness, a death in the family, or some horrible physical illness--is 90% about our attitude. If you're not a believer, I'm not really sure what to tell you. Because there is no hope for you, apart from the Gospel. Whether you wake up tomorrow and you are suddenly incredibly happy every day for the rest of your life, you still need a savior because you have sinned against your creator. So, all that to say, don't have a "poor me" attitude (maybe you don't, I'm just saying). But also, know that the Gospel is the answer to your problems. I'm not saying that once you put faith in Christ that your mood will lift suddenly, but you will have something you don't seem to have now: hope.
I had some PPD after my child was born. Some days I didn't want to get out of the bed. But medications weren't what I needed. I constantly reminded myself of the Gospel because that is our light and our hope. To try to use Christ as some magic formula to help yourself feel better is definitely not the angle you should approach this. You need to be spiritually well before you can be mentally well.
@RazielV@xanga - I've had some offers which I cannot speak of in public :)
@Shadowrunner81@xanga - There's a lot of sub groups really similar to Mercy who tend to take in young girls for some reason, Mercy is the biggest, then there is teen challenge, that's a huge one that needs dragged to the floor and kicked.
@lydialynn2012@momaroo - you're preachin' like they preach. I ask Christians this all the time. Just give me a break. Just a small break, that's all I'm asking for. I was a Bible college student prior to Mercy. I knew God. What they did hurt. The last thing I want to hear is what I'm doing is wrong and bad and sinful and I'm going to hell. Just give me a break. Let me heal. Let the whole close before you throw more crap into it.
@lydialynn2012@momaroo - Just because it worked for you, does not mean it will work for everyone else.
I have seen many, many people end their lives because a church member or pastor encouraged them to stop taking their medications and to stop visiting their counselor. Mental Illness treatment is just like any other medical treatment. It takes time and evaluation to determine what works, so assigning a particular treatment to someone because it works for you (would you honestly do that with another illness like cancer or pneumonia?) does not mean it will work for someone else. Hence why things like chemo and antibiotics work the first round on some people, and why they do not on others.
It is not all black and white, my friend.
To add: there are many, many other easily reference-able PPD cases that were made public because the ending was extremely tragic. Depression in any form should NOT be taken lightly, however, I am happy that you had the emotional and personal support to get through it. Perhaps you should consider that along WITH your faith there were other positive reinforcements there to encourage recovery. It is, however, not like that for everyone.
Sounds like a cult to me. I've seen the type. They start from the premise that you are shamming and making wrong decisions. That you are possessed rather than ill. I'd make it public somehow, not sure which way would be best.
I trust you're getting the support and treatment you need now.
I haven't had any experience with Mercy Ministries. But it does not sound like they were treating you in a Christian manner at all.
For me, my breakthrough did come through spiritual means. But not every case of depression can be fixed in that way alone. Many times it is a chemical imbalance that needs addressing as well.
Are they related at all to Mercy Ships? Is it all one big program? I mean...Mercy Ships doesn't deal with the mentally ill, but I'm wondering if they're connected?
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - I'm a little confused. I didn't say to stop taking medication. I'm all for that. I just said that it wasn't what I personally needed, and addressed the real issue: that the Gospel, IF this girl is not a believer, is where she needs to start.
I was using myself as an example. I didn't say it was black and white either. I guess I just wasn't as clear as I thought.
@NoMercyGiven@xanga - I'm kinda confused, honestly. I re-read my response to see how you could have interpreted it the way you did. Did I say you were going to hell? I thought it was a pretty nice response, so either I was just completely unclear (not sure how else to say it though) or you misread me. Not sure quite how to reply to that. I gave you a general answer. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't read in your blog about you being a believer so I had to assume that maybe you possibly were not. There have been similar posts on revelife where nonbelievers have said they struggled with depression/some mental illness and they prayed and sought spiritual help and, "guess what christians? It didn't work for me! Guess your God isn't real!" If you had said you were a believer (and again if you did, I'm not seeing it in here), then I would've responded a little differently.
I'm sure you would agree with the point of my post: that the Gospel is your hope, ultimately. Don't read too deep into that. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. THat doesn't mean to not take medication. It just means that Christ is your ultimate hope. That's all it means.
I figure any bona fide list of people who have had their longstanding blurred vision problems corrected by a spiritual healer is extremely short, if you can find one. Certainly there have been many more prayer requests for vision correction than for mental illness so don't stress yourself out looking for a supernatural fix for your condition. Think of going more in terms of a laser surgery sort of route but something appropriate for mental illness. That's the more typical sort of solution God provides.
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information Jesus Saves!
Stories like this break my heart.
A few months ago I was at Mass and noticed a beautiful woman who is probably in her forties, still very youthful, but walking with a cane. After Mass I made a point to go over and greet her, and I told her, "I hope that you are well soon," thinking that surely someone so young and otherwise healthy looking was using the cane temporarily. She smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, I have MS, so it won't be going away soon." Before I could feel to stupid, however, she looked at me with one of the most sincere and peaceful looks I've ever seen and said, "But He has healed me."
It didn't make sense to me at first since, obviously, she still had MS and was going to have it the rest of her life. But the conviction in her voice and look, the confidence and peace she had all about her, spoke of a deeper healing I think, the kind of healing that heals the wounded heart and soul so profoundly that the body can suffer from just about anything without crushing the spirit. I think this is the kind of healing so many people, like those at the place you described in your story, aren't open to. They come at suffering as though it were a problem that needed fixing when, for some people, what is really needed is healing. To go in to offer healing for someone with a boot-camp attitude and a technique that operates on a "one size fits all" attitude can be so wounding; every wounded soul is incredibly unique, and to assume that multiple people with the same malady therefore can be "fixed" in the same was is arrogant and harmful. I'm so sorry that you've been hurt by that same arrogance. I can only hope that the folks at this ministry are open to hearing the testimony of people they have hurt and are moved by it and motivated to adapt their methods so that they do not end up wounding someone worse than when they first came through their doors.
I hope that you are healed someday, whatever that according to God's love for you. I will be praying for you.
i feel for you. i understand. although i pray, i do not think that will take away my mental illness. i was traumatized and cannot forget...but i do ask God for help to move on with my life. i see a psychiatrist now and take an antidepressant. i also go talk to a therapist at least once a month.
religion and prayer alone cannot solve everything.
do what makes you happy or gives you joy.
in those things you will find peace and happiness.
hugs!!!
jess
I actually agree with LoBorn on this one. I do think that there is no "one size fits all" approach to mental illness or even depression, and that Christians in general are often guilty of treating it as such. Yes, some mental illness may have a spiritual cause and prayer may be the solution, but some mental illness has a physiological cause and prescription drugs are simply necessary, and some has its root in emotional trauma which needs to be faced and dealt with--and neither the drugs nor the prayer alone will suffice. This is an issue that Christians need to educate themselves on, and to be more sensitive toward and give grace to those struggling with such illnesses.
But above and beyond that, this ministry sounds off-the-wall wrong. Even if your issues DID have a spiritual cause, enforcing the idea that it is "your fault" is NOT the way to bring about healing. There are red flags all over the place for these guys.
My friend went to mercy and it seemed to help her for a while.
@NightCometh@xanga - most girls come out of these with a false sense of hope and do good for "awhile" but then they realize Mercy did absolutely nothing for them and that's depressing, because they promise you a full recovery. It's the worst feeling in the world to realize you weren't saved by this place. I have a mercy friend leaving for an eating disorder clinic tomorrow and she's going through a really rough time with it.
@lydialynn2012@momaroo -
Definition of preaching -
Whether you wake up tomorrow and you are
suddenly incredibly happy every day for the rest of your life, you still
need a savior because you have sinned against your creator. So, all that to say, don't have a "poor me"
attitude (maybe you don't, I'm just saying). But also, know that the
Gospel is the answer to your problems. I'm not saying that once you put
faith in Christ that your mood will lift suddenly, but you will have
something you don't seem to have now: hope.
I just would like to know where in this post does it say I don't have hope? Okay take away the title that says "Praying didn't get rid of my mental illness". Because I didn't create that, revelife did. And then read through my entry and tell me where exactly you read that I say or even inadvertently say "I have no hope". I talk about being freed from the chains of my eating disorder and my depression and looking towards the future of being without my PTSD.
It's just you want to talk to before you think. You want to talk AT. You never want to take into accord what a person is going through. It's always so much preaching. Like everybody else here. @Ancient_Scribe is a Christian and his response makes me more curious of the Christian religion, then yours does, because his was sweet and not preachy.
Don't talk down to me. I am not lesser then you. That's not going to make me want to suddenly grab a Bible and join your religion. You're whole post was centered completely wrong. You start off by saying "but I got the overall vibe that I got from
this article was that, Hey, I tried praying and that didn't work *shakes
fist at God* and now you are bitter." Where did I say this? can you please point me in the direction of where I said this? besides the title, which I did not write?
There have been similar posts on revelife
where nonbelievers have said they struggled with depression/some mental
illness and they prayed and sought spiritual help and, "guess what
christians? It didn't work for me! Guess your God isn't real!"
And so you're grouping me in with ALL the other people have written about mental illness on revelife? That doesn't even make sense?
I never once mentioned my faith on here and I didn't purposely and I will continue not to, because it's not a public matter and it belongs to me and I feel no pressure whatsoever to expose it to anyone.
I've heard about places like that, though not that one in particular. My major in college was Counseling, after all. We heard tons of horror stories and what to try to avoid. It's crazy. :/ Sorry you had to go through that. From my studies, there are some forms of depression that no deal of counseling will help. Why? Because it's chemical based. For those types, you need medication. I struggled with chemical depression for years! Thankfully, I got a handle on it before I needed medication for it. :) But yeah. People like that tend to think that all mental illness is self-inflicted. It's not always. Sometimes, yes. But the majority of severe cases, no. You know? Anywho...
How are you doing today? *hugs*
<3,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
YES!
I was prayed over because I was told, by the deliverance ministry team of my old church that I was demoniacally possessed.
Now 17 years on, well last year I was diagnosed with bipolar type II, a diagnosis I am happy with. I take my medication and I'm not doing as bad.
God treated me using doctors, my healing comes from acceptance. GOD rules! Amen!
@NoMercyGiven@xanga - Okay, so let me know when you actually read my response because I'm pretty sure you didn't.Good day.
@lydialynn2012@momaroo - is this your way of saying "I was wrong but I won't admit it"?
I don't understand when commenters are saying that there are mental illnesses that are spiritual in means. Can I get some examples? I just need clarification because every mental illness. My other point, as someone who is working on their PhD in Health Psychology, is that mental disorders should be treated by a professional in combination with your own beliefs. My program is geared toward understanding different cultures. Some cultures don't believe in medicines they don't consider natural so I would have to work with them. Perhaps recommending a doctor who deals with alternative medicine and working closely with them. I think the bottom line that I'm reaching is that both medicine and prayer (if that is your religious background) should be used together. If you're atheist, then stick the medicine and a good counselor.
Your story was heart wrenching. I grew up as the sole care giver for my schizophrenic mother. I don't think anyone can understand the true impact of mental illness until they have experienced it themselves or in the lives of someone they dearly loved. My heart goes out to you and I'm glad to hear that you're doing better.
I had a post about my mother's situation published here several days ago and I want to warn you about something. As more people post their thoughts you're going to get more and more comments like the one from @lydialynn2012@momaroo. These people will be well meaning but they are incapable of understanding that they are actually being cruel. They will discount any assertion that you are a believer, because your belief system doesn't exactly match theirs and they feel compelled to correct what they perceive as your misunderstanding. They will think they are helping, because they truly believe that if they can just get you to understand things their way that everything can be ok. They don't understand that by pointing the finger back at you they are doing nothing more than kicking you in the teeth. They will write eloquently that they don't understand why you would be offended by what they said because they simply don't understand they are being offensive.
Ignore these people. While lydialynn might not think that I believe this, I do believe that God loves you and wants the best for you. So continue on the path you;re on and continue to get better. I wish you happiness.