Monday, 23 April 2012
I hate waiting. I'm trying to let God have my life, but I still try to take control, despite the fact that I know better. One of the ways I do that is by expecting things to happen on my schedule. And when they don't, I get frustrated. I think something should be happening, and if it doesn't, I start wondering why. I start looking for ways in which I haven't been holy enough, or surrendered enough to God's will. I start looking for exactly the right words to say in my prayers to make whatever I'm looking for happen, as if I were casting some magic spell.
But God isn't magic, and He doesn't need perfect prayers. What He needs is surrender, and one of the ways in which I can surrender to Him is to allow nothing to happen, if that's His will. I can surrender to God's time and be content to be where I am, to rest my head at night in the same place where I woke that morning.
My time is always right now, today. But God doesn't think like that. His timing is perfect, and that often means that it doesn't fit with our time, because we are not perfect. God doesn't work around our schedule. We have to fit into His. Which means that sometimes we have to wait for Him when we think we should be out there doing something, or when it seems like nothing is happening. It can be frustrating to say to God, "Here I am, ready to work!" and God answers by saying, "Okay. Hold that thought, and I'll give you a job to do when it's ready for you."
Now, there are a lot of things that can be done, and I've heard people say that it's better to be doing some good, like volunteering, than to sit at home waiting for God to give you something to do. My only problem with that is that it means taking matters into my own hands rather than allowing God to work. If God wanted me to have that job, He'd have given me that job. But is it better to spend a day doing nothing because God didn't give me a specific instruction than it is to spend that day doing something good for someone else? Let me rephrase the question. Is it wrong to volunteer for something that wasn't given to you by God? Yes, it can be.
You should know that nothing you do outside of God is going to be successful, and nothing we do to get 'around' God is a good thing, even volunteer work. I've seen plenty of people become frustrated and miserable or frazzled and burnt out by volunteering for things that God didn't call them to do, and which they never should have been involved with in the first place.
It's not my place to tell God what to do, and it's not my place to tell Him when to do it. And where God and I don't align, it's me who's wrong. Because of His never-ending grace, He listens patiently when I do tell Him, and then He goes right back to doing His own thing. God has a plan. And He is infinite; He doesn't need time any more than He needs money. He already has all of both.
What He needs from me, or to be more truthful, what I need to give Him, is my trust. My faith that His plan is best, that His timing is perfect, and that He is big enough to work it all out. It doesn't have to look to me like everything is going to be okay; it can look like a big mess. And lots of times, it does. But that's okay because God is great enough to handle it all without my interference. I have faith in that.
How hard is it for you to trust God's plan for your life? When have you trusted Him, and how did God work through that? When have you not trusted Him?