Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Hello everyone. I'm just recently re-discovering Christ and have been spending more time in the Word. I feel there's something I need to do, somewhere I need to go, but I'm not 100% sure what. I feel if I were more focused on God and His will then I would know what that something and somewhere are, but I have a hang-up on my weight and body shape.I am a 18-year-old, 122 lb, 5'6" female. I wear a tight-lacing corset to cinch in my lower ribs to get an hourglass shape and wear it 23 hours every day, tightening it every so often. Despite it causing minor nerve damage in my right leg, I still insist on wearing it. I weigh myself each morning. Aside from a reminder of my vow of purity and a deterrent from guys trying to hit on me, I use my purity ring as a gauge of whether I'm retaining water or not.When I'm stressed, I try distracting myself. More and more this means listening to Casting Crowns or my pastor's band, but sometimes I hit a point where distractions aren't enough and I revert into my old habits of eating when upset. This is the same habit that caused me to gain a lot of weight this year -- 16 lbs so far. This same habit was indirectly a cause of an anorexic-type eating disordered part of my life this time last year and self-harm such as cutting -- due to feeling so worthless.I need to get over my body-image issues, my gluttony, my envy of thin people, and my ultimate dislike with myself. I need advice. And maybe some prayers, please. I can't stand myself most days.
What advice or encouragement can you give our author? Have you ever struggled with a similar weight issue? How do you go about coping with and growing past an eating disorder?