Saturday, 07 April 2012
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Skinny Pregnancy: Body Image Issues with a Baby on the Way
By Sharon at SheWorships
Now that I am well into my second trimester, I am loving life! No more nausea, no more fatigue, and I am reveling in the euphoria of post-sickness health–you know that feeling when you’ve been sick for awhile so you appreciate health with a new ecstatic gratitude? That’s how I feel.
Since the first trimester ended, pregnancy has really been awesome. Except in one way, that is.
The weight gain.
Now I will be the first to admit that I haven’t gained an excessive amount of weight. At 21 weeks I’ve gained about 10 pounds (more or less), which is pretty normal and healthy. Even so, I am not loving it. I talk about my weight gain just about every day, and I constantly ask my husband if I look fat. Which, of course, is an unattractive behavior in and of itself.
As much as I hate to say it, I have thought about my body weight more in the last 4 months than any other time in my life. It is constantly on my mind. And this has concerned me. It has tested my previously held convictions about the beauty of the female body and bearing children.
What is going on with me?
As I’ve mulled over my preoccupation with weight, I read an article by my colleague Rachel Stone. She addressed a recent piece in Vogue that seemed to advocate shaming children into healthy eating. In her article Rachel made this statement about her own struggle with body image:
“When I became pregnant for the first time, I was terrified of gaining weight, a fear I now regard as a failure of hospitality that still embarrasses me.”
Hospitality? What did she mean by that?
I thought it was an interesting way of thinking about pregnancy weight gain so I asked her to elaborate. She sent me a link to her personal blog in which she elaborated on the idea further. Grappling with the notion of “skinny pregnancy” (yes, that’s apparently a thing) she describes the under-appreciated reality that our bodies are ” capable of making room for, carrying, and bringing new life forth.”
Now before my husband and I got married, we decided to use Natural Family Planning instead of more common forms of birth control. This decision was made, in part, as a result of an ethics class I took in seminary. I distinctly remember my professor framing the birth control discussion in terms of hospitality: Is your womb a hostile environment or a hospitable one? As I thought about my posture toward my unborn children, that imagery really stuck with me and it’s one of the reasons we chose to practice NFP.
With that background in mind, it’s funny that I haven’t given much thought to my body as a site of hospitality since then. Especially since hospitality is such an obvious category for thinking about pregnancy. When else do we welcome a stranger into our lives in such an intimate and sacrificial way?
God’s timing is so good, because this simple reminder about pregnancy is just what I needed as I think about weight gain during pregnancy. Aside from the fact that pregnancy weight gain is necessary in order to have a healthy pregnancy, it is also an act of hospitality. Excessive and unhealthy eating aside, nourishing my body is about nourishing my baby and creating a welcoming, life-giving environment for him. And weight gain is an important part of that loving action.
All of that to say, I am working on re-conceiving the way I process these bodily changes. I’ve already written about the Christ-like action of suffering to bring new life into the world, and this is an additional way that I can mirror my savior through pregnancy. Just consider Matthew 19:14, where Jesus rebukes his disciples for preventing small children from entering into his presence, saying, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Some women have skinny pregnancies because of their genes. But for the average woman, skinny pregnancy should never be her aim. If I am to welcome children into my heart and life and not “hinder them” the way Jesus instructs, then I am required to exercise a hospitality that puts my personal preferences behind love for the other. Even if that means gaining weight.
So from here on out I will make that my goal. I resolve to stop complaining about my weight–hold me accountable to this people!–and start celebrating the beauty of my changing body. I’m sure it will be hard, but pregnancy really is beautiful and it’s time I start celebrating it the way I should.
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About the Author
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- From: sheworships
- Name: Sharon
- About Me: Sharon Hodde Miller is a North Carolina girl, born and raised! She is originally from Charlotte, NC, and she received her undergraduate degree and Masters of Divinity from Duke University. Sharon has worked for Proverbs 31 Ministries where she was a contributing writer to the ministry’s daily devotions and radio broadcasts. She has written for Relevant Magazine’s online articles, Lifeway’s Collegiate Magazine, Ungrind Webzine, and she continues to write and minister to women all over the world about being a Christian woman in an ever-changing culture. Sharon currently lives in Durham, North Carolina with her husband, who is currently pursuing a Master of Divinity at Duke Divinity School. If you would like to contact her regarding a speaking or writing opportunity, if you have any questions, or would like to submit a blog topic, please e-mail her at sharon(at)sheworships(dot)com.
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Comments (28)
Perhaps trying to focus on the health of the upcoming baby might help with those thoughts of weight gain? That you want the baby's health more than you want a perfect figure. And when they put the baby in your arms for the first time, you'll realize it really wasn't a big issue, rather, a joyful one. I'm not saying we should embrace obesity during pregnancy, for that carries risks. But you aren't obese, and you want a healthy child, no?
Keep a healthy diet and let the body do what it needs. In 6 months you can start a workout routine and more controlled eating to reshape your body into what it was pre-pregnancy.
Your worries about your appearance are somewhat normal; however, it has been my experience that slender, beautiful women are far more paranoid about weight gain during pregnancy, and the near-fanatical efforts to regain their pre-pregnancy size and shape ASAP after birth. Why? Vanity, pure and simple.
If a once-beautiful woman is no longer beautiful, then she has to look in the mirror and see the deeper person, not the one in a size 4... as much as size and shape and appearance are bandied about, fat is not attractive, fit is. Women's rights groups will tell you to "love the person, not the package they come in" and so on, mostly said by fat, unattractive women. You don't see fat girls on the nightly news, or doing the weathercast, as stewardesses or cheerleaders. You don't see the young, attractive, fit, wealthy Doctor going to the Country Club with a fat girl on his arm, do you? These are not criticism, these are facts.
Most of the controlling, angry women, especially in the workforce, are obese ones. They have no control over their own bodies or food intake, or exercise amount, so they use force and control where they can, often against employees.
You are a pretty girl. I hope you can regain your pre-pregnancy size, for your own self-esteem, as well as the pleasure of your husband. It is nice to be slim and fit when raising kids, so you can run and play with them, ride bicycles and roller blade, and not have to waddle to the bleachers and huff and puff to watch them play soccer or volleyball.
For those women who are obese, find 15 minutes a day for a brisk walk. We all have 24 hours on the clock, you can find the time. Quit eating garbage. Get in shape, if not for yourself, for your husband, kids, parents, brothers or sisters, or just to be a good example for others. It'd be nice to only have 4 pallbearers at your funeral, not 8...
I'll pray for you!
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for being a mother.
God bless you for the hope that you bring to the world.
It's not unusual for a mom to be to worry that the body she had may not be the body she ends up with post delivery. I can tell you that eventually you'll have this wonderful, loveable, little gift from God who will awe you by doing nothing more extraordinary than drawing breath.
You'll also have a body that has just given birth. It will not be anything like the body that you walked around in 10 months ago. Shhhhh. It's okay. Don't be scared. It's not unusual for women to look like they're 6 months pregnant when they leave the hospital with the baby. It's not unusual to have a few stretch marks (even women who don't gain a lot of weight can get them), a jiggly, boggy tum, edema, varicose veins, linea negra. A Cesarean delivery will include an abdominal incision. A vaginal birth can mean hemorrhoids and possibly an episiotomy incision. When your milk comes in, you'll learn how amazing breasts are (you'll also wonder why anyone would deal with formula when you can make your own milk). Be kind to yourself as you recover from the delivery. Concentrate on being a healthy mom, on taking care of the amazing little baby who resides within you now.
For now, eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, walk everyday, and sleep when you need to. When you are proactive, you are in control. Walk with other moms and pregnant women. Take a special exercise class for mothers to be. It's a great way to meet other moms and it's good for you.
Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to wait 6 months post delivery to work out. Breastfeeding is going to be your first workout. You automatically eat a healthier diet when you know that what goes in comes out in your milk. Someone who loves you dearly will get you a sling for the baby. You sling it around your shoulder, settle your angel in it, and now you can go for a walk. You can walk even if the baby is only a few weeks old. Walk around the block. It's not the Boston Marathon, but it counts. Your stamina will improve, and you'll feel stronger. Should you lift weights? Be careful with that. During delivery your body produces a chemical that "softens" the connective tissue; this allows the pubic symphesis that joins the pelvis to release and allow the baby to pass into the birth canal. All of your connective tissue is affected. Sometimes that connective tissue doesn't "harden up" right away. So weight training should probably resume later (and take it slow, and always have a "spotter").
The exercise is important for another reason. Your hormone levels change dramatically after childbirth. It's not unusual to cry for the most ridiculous reasons. Exercise helps because the body releases endorphins when we exercise. Endorphins are good for you.
The most important thing to remember is to be kind and patient with yourself. Your body will be beautiful even if there are some spots that are a bit curvier, a bit softer than they were before. It will be different.
Trust me on this. It will be a better body.
As you baby grows, so will your workout. You may not find time to go to the gym, but running and playing at the park with your growing child may be part of your fitness routine. Jogging strollers are fabulous. Monkey bars are as much fun as they ever were.
It's really not about reaching your pre pregnancy weight. It's not about getting into your old jeans. It's about being healthy so you can be there for you child and your family. It may be about finding new jeans. It may be about living without beating yourself up because you can't seem to lose that last 5 lbs.
Don't laugh, but there were days after my second child was born, when my beauty routine was brushing my hair into a ponytail, applying a coat of mascara, and slicking on lip gloss. I still had weight to lose, and I felt like a frump. My father in law was terminally ill, and my mother had just had a heart attack and was afraid to be alone when my father was working. I ran into the grocery store one day when all this was crashing down on my head and my heart. I plopped my toddler into the buggy seat, my youngest was in a sling. I hurried down the aisles, tossing items in the cart. I thought I probably looked about as awful as I could possibly look. In the produce section, a young man caught my eye and smiled. I smiled back, thinking that he probably thought my kids were cute (they were adorable). He pushed his cart closer and said, "I just want to tell you that you look beautiful today." It was a kind gesture. I'm not sure what possessed him to say that to a stranger, but it was a very sweet thing to say. As frumpy as I thought I looked, he saw that beauty that only mothers possess.
Remember, be gentle with yourself. You are beautiful.
@Ork58@xanga - For someone who complains about fat people you seem pretty chubby yourself.
Keeping you and your family (baby too) in my prayers!
That sounds like it could be quite a personal challenge. It seems like the female body has become quite an idol in our modern society. There seems to be a idolatrous focus on the female body, and I can't imagine how hard it would be to be a female and have to resist that.
I hope for the health of your baby to be protected over everything else.
@Ork58@xanga - I get that you're trying to be encouraging and I totally fall into that "fat, unattractive" women category that is in favor of loving people for who they are and not what they weigh, but I think that its Biblical to view the soul as the most important aspect of a person. After all, Jesus didn't die to save our physical bodies (we get new ones when we get to heaven) but our spiritual souls.
Now please don't misunderstand me, our bodies ARE a temple of the Holy Spirit, so being good stewards of what we have been given by eating healthy and getting that "15 min" daily walk in is important. Its just not the most important thing. What does the Bible say we are to keep our eyes on? What the bathroom mirror? No, we are to look to Jesus and mirror his actions.
I am guilty of vanity here and there (yes, I did do my hair three different ways this morning before deciding it was best not to do anything with it) but I think labeling our shortcomings for what they really are -sin- is important!
You mentioned that "fat" girls are never cheerleaders, trophy-wives, or stewardesses (because that's what most women these days want to be???) but you do see faithful girls (regardless of weight) feeding the poor, encouraging the downtrodden, and sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ with this lost and lonely world. These are the ladies who find their value in Jesus, not in what they see in the mirror.
As i said, this isn't a write-off for being lazy and eating at McDonalds every night but the women of the church need to be told (especially by the men) that their true beauty (the beauty that lasts and matters the most) isn't in their weight, their clothes, their hair color, their ability to make a mean casserole, but their beauty is in the fact that they are a new creation in Christ Jesus!
And, sheworships, great perspective! I'm glad God has revealed this truth to you!
@Ork58@xanga - Dude seriously? You look like you're probably pretty unfit if that's you in your profile picture.
A healthy diet, plenty of water, and YOGA! I did it throughout both of my pregnancies. I gained 30 with my first and *hangs head* 42 with my second (who ended up being pre-term, and 4lbs). I kept up with the yoga after they were born, and bounced back in less than 6 weeks both times.
All you have to do is be healthy, and your body will love you for it.
@Ork58@xanga - Ha, wow. I've read some stupid, ignorant, and sexist things in my day, but you manage to put all 3 into one package and add an extra scoop of failure on top. Bravo, champ, bravo.
I think focusing on your child helps. I know it helped me tremendously. I had to remind myself not to be selfish and give my son the best chance at life. Whenever I found myself hung up on my weight, I would talk to my son. I read him stories, sang to him, and told him all about the beautiful things he would be able to see when he was born.
i didnt pay attention to the weight thats how i coped with it! the only number i paid any mind to was what i was after i had my little girl. I actually weighed 5 punds less after i had her than before i got pregnant! My mom did the same thing with her babies she always weighed a little less after having us, as did my grandma.
im not a huge number watcher anyway. I judge my size by how im fitting im my clothes i cut back on portion size if i feel like things are getting a bit snug.
i think it's pretty normal for a mom to sort of panic during pregnancy. it's a huge change...you're seeing your body transform right before your eyes, in ways you've never seen, and frankly that can be a terrifying experience!
every woman will gain weight differently though. with my first i overate and gained 30+ pounds. with my second i didn't overeat (nor did i under eat) and i gained 20lbs. both children were, and are, healthy.congratulations by the way!! i wish you the best of luck and just know that every feeling you feel is probably normal (partly thanks to those hormones lol).
May I ask what resources you used for Natural Family Planning? I am considering that as a birth control option, for similar reasons to yours. I also have similar fears concerning pregnancy, worrying that my husband won't be satisfied sexually with my changing body, and I wonder how to cope with that when the times comes.
This post was encouraging. Thank you for the reminder to live selflessly, that there is joy in that.
@Ork58@xanga - Wow...you are kind of a pig.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - FertilityFriend.com has a free tutorial and free charting. They are a wonderful site that helps you to understand your own body. The site is geared somewhat more towards women who are trying to have a baby, but the same principles apply. Also, the book "Taking Charge of your Fertility" is AMAZING. :o)
@Ork58@xanga - Coming from someone who has 'Ork' in his name and looks like a basement dwelling WoW player.
>.< Focus on health an health alone... Don't look at your weight in number or your size... Look at what keep's you and your baby feeling best and working to maximum potential. :D (I know it's easier said then done.)
This was a tough read. Wack! Pregnancy is a time when you can eat without guilt. Breastfeed after the birth and the pounds will melt off. Enjoy this time. This is about giving life to another, not a time to think about your figure. It'll be good practice for the next 18 years, because you can just forget about putting yourself first.
Like everyone above me said: just keep a healthy diet.
I think almost every mother or mother-to-be experiences this. All mothers gain weight during pregnancy, so there's nothing bad or worrisome about it!
@Pollypinks@xanga - kll.,