Friday, 02 March 2012
I have a need to be distracted. I’ll take distraction in pretty much any form, but the most prevalent is entertainment. I need to be entertained. The need goes against most of what I want to feel inside. I want to be focused, intentional, and create a body of work with my life that matters. But…as much as I want those things, I have this desire to be entertained. I have a desire to avoid pressure, avoid making decisions, and avoid looking into people’s eyes. To get back to the opening sentence, it’s truly more of a need than a desire. I’ve fed the desire to the point that it’s now more dependency and less desire.
I’d rather run around frazzled and “busy” than spend time connecting with people. Of course I don’t really want to feel busy and frazzled and burnt out, but it’s an easier alternative to living an intentional life. Living with meaning and purpose is exhausting. And it’s more than the surface level exhausting than a “hard day at the office” is. Meaningful lives take every bit of our attention and emotion. And I’m awful at giving others my attention and emotion on a deep level. I’m guarded. I’m insecure. I lack confidence in myself and I’m full of doubt.
So distract me. Entertain me. Don’t look deeply into my eyes and ask me a question that you truly want to hear answered.
But my soul longs for you to do so. And so does the soul of your neighbor, and spouse, and colleague. So let’s resolve, starting with today, during this Lenten season, to set aside the distractions and be fully present.
This is a part of a series of daily reflections on the season of Lent.