Tuesday, 07 February 2012
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Playing the Christian Dating Game
How many times between adolescence and adulthood are we told; "there’s someone out there that God has created ‘just for you’?"I don’t know about your personal experiences, but from the span of 7th grade to my senior year in youth group, I heard so many lessons on finding my future mate, saving myself for marriage, and trusting God with romance that I could have done a month’s worth of 3-point sermons on it.
I have been blessed thus far in my life with great biblical teaching full of depth and wisdom. I may have thought at the time that the lessons on purity and relationships were overdone, but looking back now I am so grateful for those ideals being pounded into my head.
Not only is purity 100% biblical (Heb.13:4 – just for starters), but it really adds a whole lot of freedom to the brain. One statement in particular that has always stuck with me is something my youth pastor’s wife said once, “you can always become like every other girl in school; sleeping with her current boyfriend, but they can never again become like you.”
Ain’t that the truth? Girls get mocked everyday because they have retained their virginity beyond 10th grade, but when it comes down to it; that virginity is something they ought to be dang proud of! And because of the way guys are wired; it amazes me even more to hear a guy speaking about how he has chosen to wait till marriage and will do whatever it takes to follow through on that choice.
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about marriage and relationships. A little boy at church informed me that I am old enough to be married so I really should get on that. I smiled and told him as soon as God sends me the right man I will see what I can do. But after awhile it does start to get hard; to ‘let go and let God.’
What if I’m destined to be forever single? Can I truly be content in that? What if I don’t get married until I’m past the age of childbirth? Can I be content then? And the thoughts slowly wander in and begin to pester. It’s amazing the way we as humans can doubt God. If it’s questionable, we question it. And somehow even the most innocent comments seem to trigger the most disturbing thoughts.
And which of you by being anxious can add a single day to his span of life? Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:27, 34
I don’t know where you are in life.
Maybe you’re a high schooler sitting through those once-a-month talks on purity in youth group and feeling like it’s being way too overplayed. Trust me, they wouldn’t emphasize it so much if it wasn’t so important. Stick to what you believe and are taught and one day you’ll be glad you did.
Maybe you; like me, are at that stage in the grand Kingdom of Singledom wondering if there’s anyone out there for you or if God truly has called you to be single the rest of your life. When we’re 15 it sounds awesome to hear that God has someone for everyone, but ya know what? God can have a pretty awesome life designed for you even if you do remain single on this earthly planet. Glory in the fact that you are already betrothed to the only PERFECT being in existence and if someone happens to wander along who turns out to be your other half on this earth, then all the more glory be to God.
Or maybe, you are a parent of a child and trying to teach them the ways of sexual purity and modesty. Maybe it seems hopeless in today’s culture to convince your child that purity is the way to go. Please don’t despair. Don’t cave and offer ‘safe sex’ as an alternative. I’m really not that far out of the teen years myself and as much as I wanted to go crazy sometimes from hearing the same purity talk over and over, the pounding into my head has stuck with me and made me grateful beyond belief for parents and leaders just like YOU who were there to guide me and teach me. Thank you for your faith, your persistence, and your patience.
And we know that for those who love God all things will work together for good; for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
What’s your story? Can you relate to the importance of learning Biblical principles such as sexual purity at a young age?
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- From: Krazy_monkey09@xanga
- About Me: I write because it's therapeutic. It's my way of sorting out everything running through my head at any given point in time. "I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style, park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with."
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Comments (34)
Virtue is a habit of excellence. Virginity is a virtue most excellent.
Liked this post. Thank you for sharing. I really liked the thing your youth pastor's wife told you, "you can always become like every other girl in school; sleeping with her current boyfriend, but they can never again become like you.” How true!! I really liked this post. Thanks again for sharing.
This was a great post!!! :) I was brought up the same way and am now in my early twenties with two exs and a few almost boyfriends over the years. Currently I am trying to stay out of the friendzone, but also be patient for what God has for me. I am also doing a Bible Study on Emotional Purity which has really given me the tools to not only protect my virginity, but also guard my heart for the man that I have faith He has for me.
Note: In all the 19years of virginity I was never made fun of because of it. I gained a lot of respect out of my peers. The sad part is you can see the gilt in their eyes when they ask and you tell them.
I'm 33, still a virgin, and very happy with that. It's not so bad to be single--it gives you more time to figure out what you want out of life, what kind of person you'd like to be, and the kind of people you want in your life. Eventually, if it's God's will, I'll be married one day, but if not, no big deal. He has a reason for me being single.
Anyway, yeah...keep the faith. It'll be worth it in the end. :D
"Maybe you; like me, are at that stage in the grand Kingdom of Singledom wondering if there’s anyone out there for you or if God truly has called you to be single the rest of your life."
Yep...that sounds like me. 30, single, and not worried at all about whether I'll get married one day.
Well....when people say, "God has that person for you." It's not always true. God has actually called some people to BE single. There were a few people in the Bible that were single. I know that I am not called to be single, because God has already told me that I'm going to be married. Therefore, I'm not called. But, there are people out there that are actually called to be single.
Purity, to me, means the world to me. Not just sexual purity, but being pure in all aspects of my life. It's important to be pure in everything that you do. Sexual purity is also important to me. I'm 22 and never had sex and not planning to until the day I marry. Because I made a covenant with God about it, and I'm not planning to back out. I even bought a purity ring to be a constant reminder. (Even though purity rings don't keep you pure, but it's a good reminder of the promise that you made to God!) :)
True Love Waits sermons made me want to marry another virgin. Now that's really probably not gonna happen, and it's spoiled me.
I'm scared that I won't find anybody. Its hard to be content when I think I may never have the opportunity to have children. (I'm already 30 with no prospects)
Like you said, when I was a teenager, I was hammered with all these ideals that "God has someone special for you" talk. It brought me hope that some day, I can be that fairy tale prince charming to rescue a damsel in distress.
I'm now 27, never had a girlfriend, and question God more than I have faith regarding his "special someone" for me. Growing up and facing the harsh reality of life does that to you.
I've never believed in the whole soul mate/one special person thing. I will say that I am very, very happy that I was a virgin when I married. It's hard to date and really like someone and see that awful look on their face when you tell them you are waiting for marriage. As I look back on it though, I think it really helped weed out the guys who not good for me spiritually. My husband was my best friend and eventually convinced me to date him. He was also a virgin and the stronger one of us about abstaining once we were engaged. People often question how good the sex can be when neither partner has experience and I can say that it is awesome! You just have to have a sense of humor. It's fun to explore together and treat it as an adventure. It gets better and better as the marriage goes on.
Being a virgin or not being a virgin does not make you better than the other. That's egotistical.
@NightCometh@xanga - Spoiled you how?
@SpiritFanNumber1@xanga - I don't at all mean to imply that being a virgin puts somebody on a pedestal. Everyone has been created equal with an equally sinful soul. "For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God" - Rom.3:23 I only meant to explain why being a virgin is not something of which to be ashamed. Sexual purity is encouraged in the Bible, and this post was only meant to expound upon that, not put down anyone who has made alternate choices in their lives.
It is so encouraging to hear all the comments here and to know that there are still people out there in this society who would hold on so strongly to sexual purity until marriage. I have to say that sometimes when I look at this society and all the things are people are doing these days, I start to wonder how would it even be possible to bring up a child to have Godly values in this day and age. I don't have a child yet but the thought has crossed my mind numerous times. Hearing you all comment about how you've kept your promise to God to remain pure until marriage sure gives me encouragement and hope that all is not futile.
I "lost my virginity" when I was 19. For a while I was chained to that one sin in my life, and I thought I would never be free again because I would always regret that I couldn't say that I am a virgin anymore. But thank GOD he healed me from that! He can break any chains, and I can say that I am FREE from that and I am a NEW virgin. So, my point is, virginity is a beautiful thing, but we need to be careful about emphasizing it so much that it makes people who have veered off the path of purity feel like they can never have that back. Yes, physically, you are no longer a virgin, but spiritually, we are being renewed daily! That is just so wonderful and so beautiful to think about.
Could I be content if I were called to be single forever? I hate to question God's wisdom, but frankly, NO. I worry all the time about this since I've never had any good luck with girls. To be single forever would be hell, and I pray that God has not chosen such a fate for me. I'd really rather die.
well spoken
the truth I've been struggling during at my teenage time tooI always wanted to have sex but somehow God has kept me away from it for all those time till nowright now, I think if I'll be single foreverthere won't be any problem for meas long as if I were in a relationship, I hope I'm with someone that I love
:DC:
@SpiritFanNumber1@xanga - Think about it. the poster just listed reasons why being a virgin until marriage IS better than not. If it IS better, then it doesn't necessarily make you BETTER, as in more valuable, but it does make you better in the same way that doing anything that's good makes you better.
Props.
thank you for writing this. It is completely relevant to me right now.
I've been eally cynical lately. I feel like I just need to accept the fact my future husband will not be a virgin. Is this irrational?
K, shutting up now.
I grew up in the church. I was told "God has someone out there for you." Okay, that's fine, but you still have to FIND that person. I am 24, my boyfriend and I have a child together. I lost my virginity at 16. My parent's version of giving me "the talk" was sending me to sex ed in school, throwing me into the True Love Waits thing every year since I was 12, and making me read books by some Josh something-or-other on how happy he is to be single. ::Shrug::
I don't think that we should become nuns, and just sit around and wait for some Prince Charming to suddenly pop up into our life. It doesn't work that way. On the other hand, I'm not saying we should sleep around or even date a lot. I think, if you want to be a "proper" Christian, dating shouldn't be a priority. You can meet the person you are "meant to be with" while doing other things. I had a friend meet her fiance while being a counselor at a church camp. Live your life, and if you meet someone you enjoy being around, be around them (within your morals, of course). It's not a sin to go on a date every now and then.
On a lighter side note: Does anyone actually go onto ChristianMingle.com? I saw a commercial for that and my first thought was "Why can't Christians meet other Christians at church?? Because, you know... you can't lie on the internet if it's a Christian website, right?"
I'm in the same spot you are. At the "marriage age" but still single, and still committed to wait to get married before having sex... i have the same thoughts running through my head as you do... i pray daily and have to also keep telling myself that God knows the deepest desires of my heart (which includes being married) and HE is in control, not me... until whenever "then" may be i'm focusing on having fun and getting a good education (and trying not to think about wishing i were married, what if i will be single forever and end up the cat lady, etc.)
Just keep praying, and I will pray for you as well,
give it to God, that's all you can do right?
<3 Sarah
I was raised a Christian and still am. As far as purity goes, that wasn't put in my head as a biblical thing but rather my parents declaring sex before marriage a trashy thing to do. That might not be the truth, but it's more than a moral compass, it's a spell. I'm 22 and people ask about my plans for the future. I really don't care about the future as far as that is concerned because I find friendship more sacred than romantic relationships. The strongest love is platonic love. I don't even understand romantic love without platonic love, and yet it seems to exist in the world. I'd rather build a bunch of friendships, because those are real, they are pure, and I feel free. And that feels amazing everyday.