Tuesday, 31 January 2012
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Wrestling: When God Asks for a Step of Faith
By Amy at Make Me a Mary
Guess what? I’m hosting a guest today and I didn’t even clean house for her. This is totally my kind of houseguest. :)I’d like to introduce you to my friend Sarah (anyone remember the friend I met on the plane last summer?). Her beautiful new blog has been in the works for some time, and I know you’ll definitely want to check it out.
And now I’ll shut up and let Sarah talk.
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Wrestling isn’t my thing. I’m not into the sweaty, hairy, spandex-wearing type. Or the type who gets beat up for a living. (Or I guess if I’m on the topic, the type who beats other people up).People say it’s good, clean fun. A safe, controlled way to demonstrate physical strength against an opponent.
That’s fine. It still doesn’t change the fact that they’re wearing spandex. (Is this what men think when they see women over 90 pounds wearing jeggings? Do I need to go return those???)
Anyway. So unless it’s a sentimental movie where the good guy wins and everything, I don’t really watch it. There are just more important things to do.
I take the same approach with decision-making: I like to avoid wrestling. I’m not Jacob. I don’t want a ladder, I want clarity.
So I tell God this all the time when I’m searching for answers:
I will happily sit with my mouth open to be spoon-fed. I’ll eagerly follow a road map. I’ll sit for as long as you’d like and take lots of notes from that still, small Voice, and do exactly what You say.
Just please don’t make wrestle. Don’t make me wait, don’t ask me to struggle and weigh the options, don’t be mysterious, don’t give me freedom. Just hand over the road map!!
But the thing is, God doesn’t always tie up His purpose for a human life with a pretty bow and deliver it on a silver tray. In fact…I’m thinking He about never does that.
So, I wrestle.
These days, I wrestle with what I’m supposed to do about blogging. I started a blog last week, and it’s been a nightmare. I don’t think I’m supposed to tell people that (poor Amy here has been getting a lot of emails). No, but I really mean it. Starting a blog has been a nightmare. When it went live, I had borderline panic attacks. I even cried. I know. Cried.
SARAH! You say. It’s just a blog!!!!
That’s very true. But it consumed me, and I was paranoid about it, and anxious, and insecure—and all of that because of this: It was the one thing in my life where God didn’t hand me a road map.
Meaning, above every other big deal, every major life-altering thing going on—job transitions, moving downtown, breathing in and out—
This was the only part of my life where I had to walk around blind.
I knew I needed to move downtown. I knew God was leading me to take new steps in my work with teenagers.
But blog? Me? I just don’t know if that’s really what He wants. Right now, as I write this, I don’t know.
It’s been annoying to be so confused. I feel guilty, like I’m supposed to have it all figured out. Guilty for caring so much. Guilty because I must not be listening very well if I can’t hear Him.
Or maybe I feel guilty because I’ve wondered if God is withholding Himself from me.
Which is something His Word tells me He would never do.
It came to a head a couple of days ago when, at a day of prayer sponsored by my church’s women’s ministry, I poured it all out to God raw for the first time.
And then I got my clarity.
Sarah. If you don’t know the answer, it means you necessarily have to step out in faith.
Which is maybe, just maybe, all God really wants. Maybe He wants just a little bit of faith walking, the scary kind that’s unsure of the destination and all the how’s and why’s, the kind that leads a person to lose herself as she finds she can do nothing but cling to Christ.
This might, it really just might, lead her to a deeper walk with Him as she comes to realize He’s got her.
So I’ve got to wrap my timid, over-analytical, sight-loving heart around this: It’s okay to wrestle. I just have to outfit myself with faith.
(Not spandex. Fortunately.)
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About the Author
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- From: makemeamary
- Name: makemeamary
- About Me: The title of this website was born out of a prayer I began to pray when I became widowed: "Lord, please help me love you more". Over time, I grew to deeply admire Mary Magdalene for the way she loved her Saviour and was completely sold out to Him, and my original prayer evolved into "Lord, make me a Mary." I long to be at the feet of Jesus, too, learning from Him and taking Him in. I also aspire to be like Mary the mother of Jesus, because she exemplifies a total trust in God and in His sovereign plan, even in the midst of frightening circumstances.
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Comments (5)
I'm so tired of the wrestling. So tired.
@blonde_apocalypse@xanga - I hear ya
"The scary kind that’s unsure of the destination and all the how’s and why’s, the kind that leads a person to lose herself as she finds she can do nothing but cling to Christ."
Yep, that's what faith is. It's a risk actually, but, God will be there no matter what. I stopped doubting when I understood more how to operate my faith, and it worked! The Word works :)! I am now confident using my faith to trust God. Fear was holding me back and I was blessed more taking risk out of faith than to take risk out of fear.
@blonde_apocalypse@xanga - Meee tooo...
@Japanesenightpurplegeisha@xanga - I wouldn't mind hearing about the leaps of faith.
@sinicline2000@ireallylikefood - Sorry, so long. The thing is, it takes time to even have faith and confidence in God and the only way you are going to have faith is through his Word and receiving things through his Will. If people are not up to part, that is okay. The more you spend time reading the Word, confessing, receiving it, hanging around those to encourage you, and confidently standing on his Word no matter what the circumstance then, your faith will grow. Once you keep on having faith until the end, and it appears like nothing is happening or you have no hope, God will turn that around because we walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT. God is faithful to his promises.
Also, what I did that helped was to have faith in small things first, then move up to bigger things such as getting out of debt, job, etc. I had faith in two traffic tickets (that wasn't my fault) and I never received them. Then I had faith in a car ( I didn't have one but I needed one to get around) and I received it. I kept getting rejections after rejections for an autoloan. But, I still remembered "Psalms 21:2- "You have given him his heart’s desire and have not withheld the request of his lips". (But, in order to RECEIVE it, you have to speak it based upon your own situation so I said "Lord, you have granted ME my heart's desire, and have not withheld the request of my lips".) I didn't give up and kept telling God "Thank you for my car now. I thank you so much for being so good and giving me my car". I kept saying it in the mist of getting all these rejections. Then one day, later that week, I got approved and the car God gave me was awesome. That's faith. Not giving up and staying consistent in your confidence no matter what the situation is. Satan tries to make you throw away your confidence! IF I would of given up, then I would not have received. I would of doubted God and remained fearful I would of doubted and believed in those rejection letters. Things in which we see are temporal. God is consistent. You will never have faith in something and receive it then not have faith and receive it through something else. I use to have more faith in a chair's ability to stand and hold me while I sit than to trust God. I use to beg and plead God but later realized that's a form of doubting, quitting, and unbelief on my part. If I had belief, I would of said "Thank you Jesus for....now...I thank you for giving me...now" because faith is NOW, not going to be and begging Him to do it later. But not anymore. I didn't know better. Christians have the spiritual authority in Christ Jesus to receive anything according to God's Will in the name of Jesus. Jesus spoke to a fig tree and it withered within 24 hours. I want to get to that level in my faith, where things happen sooo quickly.