Friday, 30 December 2011
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From Vanity to Modesty
By Sharon at SheWorships
These last 2 weeks have been significant for me as a writer. In case you didn’t hear, I wrote a post for Her.meneutics on modesty called “How ‘Modest is Hottest’ is Hurting Christian Women” (I did not come up with that title, by the way), and it has received a lot of attention. Very rapidly, it became the most read post of 2011 and the feedback has ranged between anger and “Amens.”
Whenever I write for Her.meneutics, I am limited to a word count of 1,000 words which means I don’t have room to write everything I would like. Additionally, some issues arose in the comments section of the post that were not fully addressed in the piece, so I thought I’d share a few closing thoughts here.
First, when it comes to blogging and writing publicly there is one thing you should know about me: I don’t like criticizing specific people or ministries. Even when done respectfully, there is an element to this one-sided format that seems a little unfair and is most likely hurtful to the person being criticized, so I avoid doing it as often as possible. However, writing for Her.meneutics has taught me that I cannot make blanket statements about “Christians” without giving specifics. It’s just not good writing. That is why my editor asked me to be a bit more specific about which Christian leaders have endorsed this phrase, which I did as delicately as I could.
Whenever I do air a public disagreement with another Christian(s), I try to be loving and respectful. I pray for them, and I pray that they will receive my words in the spirit that I wrote them. Even so, there is a time for disagreement, and this was one of those times. A number of the commenters felt that I was attacking the women who endorse the phrase “modest is hottest” and not giving credit for the work they are doing. That was not at all the tone I hoped to strike. Christians should be able to disagree with one another as long as the disagreement is done in spirit of Christ. Whether or not I was successful in doing so is up for debate, but at least you know it was my intent.
Returning to the issue of modesty itself, my article was motivated by one primary issue: God created the female body, the female body is good, and our language and treatment of the female body should reflect that truth. It frequently does not. I think I made that point clear in my article, but there is one final point I would like to make here. It concerns the basic definition of modesty.
Merriam-Webster defines modesty the following way:
- Freedom from conceit or vanity
- Propriety in dress, speech, or conduct
As much as Christian modesty is traditionally given to women to uphold, this definition clearly has implications for both men and women. I particularly love the first definition because it provides us with a great standard against which to measure our ideas about modesty. A Christian woman might cover her body from head to toe but that does not guarantee she is “free from conceit or vanity.” In fact, some of the “modest is hottest” ideology helps women to be “modest” without having to sacrifice their vanity.
In 1 Timothy 2:9 Paul instructs women to “adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.” Notice that there is nothing here about covering one’s cleavage, though it is possibly implied. Instead, the emphasis is on vanity. Paul is concerned with our priorities, what we consider most beautiful and highly valued, and what brings us glory. Is it our outward adornments, our wealth, our bodies, our successes, or is it a life lived in submission to God?
I would love to reclaim that definition of modesty, one that both men and women can strive after. It is a definition that reveals the current hypocrisy in teachings about modesty and orients us rightly toward God. It is a more difficult goal that goes beyond legalistic appearances in favor of spiritual transformation. But it is the kind of modesty we should teach Christians. It is the kind of modesty I desperately need the grace of God to embody. It is a modesty free of pride and free of vanity. Let us strive for that.
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About the Author
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- From: sheworships
- Name: Sharon
- About Me: Sharon Hodde Miller is a North Carolina girl, born and raised! She is originally from Charlotte, NC, and she received her undergraduate degree and Masters of Divinity from Duke University. Sharon has worked for Proverbs 31 Ministries where she was a contributing writer to the ministry’s daily devotions and radio broadcasts. She has written for Relevant Magazine’s online articles, Lifeway’s Collegiate Magazine, Ungrind Webzine, and she continues to write and minister to women all over the world about being a Christian woman in an ever-changing culture. Sharon currently lives in Durham, North Carolina with her husband, who is currently pursuing a Master of Divinity at Duke Divinity School. If you would like to contact her regarding a speaking or writing opportunity, if you have any questions, or would like to submit a blog topic, please e-mail her at sharon(at)sheworships(dot)com.
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Comments (16)
Amen!
When I saw the picture with the words written across it I almost clicked away and decided not to read it because today is just not a day I want to expose myself to more disappointing theology coming out of the Church.
But I'm glad I read this post. I concur; the phrase "modest is hottest" is destructive because it gives life to the flesh and its desires and creates a law out of a teaching intended to restore our hearts to God.
Your definitions of modesty (or, rather, the dictionaries definitions) should be announced as a good reminder to the brethren in the Church. We need to hear it.
I just wanted to stop by to comment again, after having read your original article to express that it's very well written and courteous.
Though I might suggest that we (men and women) do not glorify God with our bodies, rather, in our spirits by faith we glorify God as the world sees something conducted in us (the work of God) that could not be conducted in the flesh.
Essentially, continuing the thought of removing the objectification of women from our rhetoric, we need simply to match the rhetoric of Christ, which was much less about their bodies (whether to glorify God, or as sources of temptation) and about our faith and purity in spirit- our spirit of modesty, so to speak.
Thanks, again, for writing it. This is a reminder the brethren do need.
Modest is hottest. Hottest for whom? Are women trying to be attractive to men? Or other women? Who decides who is hot and who is not? What does it take to be "hot"? Cleavage? Sheer blouses? High skirts? An hourglass figure? Can the same not be said for men? Slender, six pack abs, speedos, curly wet hair, 5 o'clock shadow, athlete, these are all terms used to describe men who are hot.
Bible teaches us our bodies are the (temporary) temple of God. And we are to respect them and use them properly for the God given purpose of spreading the Gospel of the Good News to the four corners of the earth.
So what does that say to the obese? The person with tattoos and piercings everywhere? The dyed hair, shaved head, etc. Study your Bible and you find references to these subjects in there.
Men are attracted to women visually. They are sexually stimulated visually. Women are attracted to men on more of an emotional level. The physical appearance is less critical for men. This is nature, the way God designed us. We need to embrace it.
Should the women cover their bodies from head to toe, obey Sharia law, keep us men from sinning cause we might think "impure" thoughts? What a crock.
You think thinking about sex is wrong? Read the Song of Solomon. Teaches us how to think of the opposite sex in a Godly manner. There is nothing sinful about our sexuality, unless we allow it to be so..
@Ork58@xanga - our sexuality can be sinful when it is self-seeking rather than valuing a person for who they are.
Should women cover their bodies from head to toe? No, but we should be modest in a way that doesn't encourage men to have impure thoughts, and men should practice self control with their thoughts because it can be self-seeking and objectifying.
P.S. why do you say our bodies are the "(temporary) temple of God"? Do you not believe in the resurrection of the body?
That was your post on Her.Menuetics??? I loved it....I'm grateful for the clarification. Some bloggers don't care about misunderstandings that may result. You have wisdom.
@Ork58@xanga - She said nothing to those points. She wasn't criticizing the fact that we men are visually oriented. She isn't criticizing that women want to be found physically beautiful. What it comes down to is a HEART issue. If our hearts are more and more oriented with Christ, then all the other matters begin to fall into their proper places, including how we ought to dress and view each other physically.
When we understand how God designed our physical drives to be, and we begin by seeing each other with a Christ-like heart, then we'll "naturally" be mindful of how we dress and how we see each other. We'll adjust our minds and eyes to help honor and protect one another.
Then, all the other factors - how much should we cover up, what we should do about our sex drives, etc - become less of the problems to deal with because the foundation of it all is already set in place, allowing everything else to be built solidly.
So, while you ask many questions about the different aspects of life - weight, tattoos, piercings, how much to cover up, etc - these become distractions from the first thing we need to deal with: Are we striving for a mind/heart like Jesus?
(And just so you know, this isn't meant to be anything of a personal criticism. I HOPE it doesn't sound like it. I only mean to address your comments.)
@BehindTheSeens@xanga - Bible teaches us we are given a new body, not male or female,and we will not "be given or taken in marriage" in Heaven. Hence, not our old bodies. There are some religions that believe if you have a crippled body in this life, you take it with you into the next life as well. If we are to be in the midst of God, and be "like him", and He cannot be in the midst of "impurity", then how can we have a crippled body in heaven? Jesus routinely healed the blind, the sick, the crippled. Why would he do that if having disease or handicap is "perfect in God's eyes"? Other food for thought, if a child is born with a birth defect, since the child is a "creation of God", does God create imperfection and condone birth defects?
@Rhindon@xanga - You must have forgotten to read the second paragraph of my post.
At any rate, the other issues, tattoos, piercings, etc., were thrown out for food for thought amongst other commenters, not necessarily to address something the OP said.
Yes, ideally, when we place Christ as the center of our lives, everything else falls into place. Reality is something different tho. Many of us have urges, addictions, weaknesses, strengths, that are different from one another. We don't declare ourselves to be "saved" and then become this little robot, thinking alike and reacting predictably, and watching everything fall perfectly in place around us. God didn't promise to take away our miseries or weaknesses, He promised to stand beside us and give us strength as we deal with them day to day.
As long as we are "striving for a mind and heart like Jesus" then we have our priorities right. Tattoos and piercings, outrageous appearance, etc a mere distraction? Bible doesn't teach that. Teaches us not to draw attention to ourselves, either with lavish jewelry, ornamentation, etc. At least I think that's what it says. I imagine I have read that in there somewhere. I'm quite sure that's what it says... oh, and you never acknowledged the Song of Solomon.... ;)
@BehindTheSeens@xanga - "and men should practice self control with their thoughts because it can be self-seeking and objectifying"..that is not a male-only suggestion. You make it sound kinda sexist. A gal wearing a skirt 6" above her knee, 3" spike heels and a blouse v cut to her navel isn't "self-seeking and objectifying"? She certainly isn't "being modest in a way that doesn't encourage men to have impure thoughts"...
Point is, both sexes have a responsibility to dress modestly and not flaunt what they've got. Any wise man will tell you, the hottest woman out there is the one that looks beautiful, sexy and alluring without showing any cleavage, wearing modest clothing, very light makeup, etc. The one who lights up a room with her smile and eyes when she walks in, who has a kind word for everyone and makes each person feel valued. The one who is hot without even trying. People are naturally drawn to that kind of woman. Confident. Optimistic, Friendly. Kind. Compassionate. Warm. Not afraid to initiate (an appropriate) touch. We all need human contact, remember the hugs from your Mom? Those intrinsic values, and many more, are what make a woman "hot". Not the length (or lack thereof) of her skirt, how much boobies she is showing, how much eyeliner she has troweled on, etc.
@Ork58@xanga - *chuckles* I didn't forget to read your second paragraph and I did rather "forget" to mention SoS. Although my comment did somewhat confirm that what SoS praises is all good.
I agree that God didn't promise to take away our troubles when we follow Him, but the fact still remains that through it all, following God is the only way to address the entire matter. What I meant about them being distractions is if we start worry about things like, "is this too much jewelry to wear?", "How much cleavage is too much?", "Am I going to be single because I have tattoos from before I was a Christian?" ...things like that. When we start worrying about what the Bible does say about these things needlessly, and not worrying about the heart of Christ we ought to have, then they become distractions from the bigger pictures: that we first ought to worry about the beauty and strength of our hearts before we worry too much about the conditions and appearances of our bodies.
Certainly, as you alluded to with SoS, the body is wonderful and to be enjoyed, temporary as it is.
I hope that helps clear up what I meant to say. I think I understand your points, but if it seems not, I'll do my best to listen to any clarification you want to offer.
I read your article on her.meneutics, and it is very well written. My personal feeling toward the phrase is indifferent, but I think that you made some very good points. We sometimes try to correct a problem by going to the opposite extreme, and that's problematic in itself.
As a kid I grew up in a very conservative family, and my parents were very concerned about me dressing modestly. The problem was, in my family, dressing modestly didn't necessarily mean dressing attractively. They would forbid me to wear clothes I liked, force me to wear clothes I hated, and buy me everything at least 1-2 sizes too big because "it's better for it to be too loose than too tight". Not surprisingly, I had a less-than-positive body image.
It was a struggle to get to a point where I'd buy and wear clothes that were actually the right size, rather than clothes I was swimming in, just to keep from showing too much skin or wearing things that were too tight. But I've come a long way since then, and I now have a much more positive view of myself.
I went to a fashion show not too long ago, and I was sending pictures of my outfits to a friend so she could help me decide what to wear. A guy friend saw the pictures and pointed out that the first one was "provocative." I'd noticed that when I put it on, so I chose the second one, which was (literally) buttoned-up, but still attractive. And that is really my focus--now, when I buy clothes or get dressed, I do it with the goal of being modest, but still feeling good about the way I look.
This topic has always been an important one for women, and is becoming more so for men as the pressures that men face regarding appearance are on the rise. I suspect that as more men go to clubs and bars wearing designer t-shirts that are intended to show off their musculature, and more men use scented body washes and hair care products, men's awareness of the unfortunate reality of objectification will grow. Which may turn out to be a good lesson for men on the importance of not objectifying women and pressuring them to conform to certain standards of beauty. One can hope, anyway.
@Ork58@xanga - When Jesus walked out of the tomb he was buried in, don't you think it was still his body? Transformed of course, a resurrected body, but still his own. His body still had the lance piercing on his side, and holes in his hands and feet from the nails. Would you say these are "damaging" or "impure?" Yes his body was different, but still his own.
Yes Jesus went and healed the crippled, gave sight to the blind, and cured lepers. But that wasn't what was most important. He FORGAVE them first. That's what was most important. Jesus didn't cure every single person on the planet and end all their physical sufferings, that's missing the point. Jesus wants us all to get to Heaven, where the blind with have sight and the lame will all run free.
I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying that crippled people are not pure or like God? As for the child born with a birth defect. What do you think happened? Do you think God creates imperfection or that that child couldn't have been created by God because he's "defected?" I believe that child is a creation of God. And that God gives to each person their share of weaknesses and challenge so that they may learn to unite their sufferings to Jesus and carry their crosses. I don't think it's about impurity, or having damaged broken bodies. God created our bodies as we are, they are also a gift to us. I don't think it's right to think it just gets thrown away. Jesus went up to heaven BODY and soul. (HIS body, lance piercing, nail holes, and all)
@Ork58@xanga - and your second paragraph makes no sense. You're just agreeing with me when I said women should dress modestly. And short skirts and showing cleavage isn't modest, so I don't understand where your argument is??
But you're right, that goes for men too. And women should control their impure thoughts as well. I didn't mean for it to sound sexist, I pretty much mean everyone in general.Compared to most women I dress modestly, but I don't mind showing my legs off a little or showing a bit of cleavage. God gave me that and I have the right to show it off. I have a boyfriend. I'm not impressing other women. I do it for myself as selfish as it may seems.
I really enjoyed the original article and completely agree with it. I also disagree with the word "hottest" in the phrase because "hot" doesn't just denote desire, but sexual desire. I still struggle with this because my mother uses a lot of shaming tactics when it comes to what I wear these days. I used to be a figure skater, wore barely-there dresses that were made of 100% skin-hugging materials until I was 18 1/2 years old, but now she won't let me wear a sleeveless shirt.
I think the rhetoric concerning the female body in Christianity needs a careful reconsideration and overhaul because yes, women should be modest, but the alternative seems to be wearing uncomfortable, terrible fitting clothing which I am not a big fan of.