Wednesday, 28 December 2011
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Is There a Good Time of Year to Lose a Loved One?
Sadly, I know of three families who in the last week have lost loved ones. It somehow seems to be made worse by the time of year. But really, is there a better time of year to lose someone you love dearly?
I remember answering the phone to my father-in-law on a Christmas morning years ago. I immediately sensed something was wrong, but said nothing and handed the phone to my husband who joyfully wished his Dad a "happy Christmas" only to hear back "well it's not very happy for me, my Dad's just died." Awkward.
If you know the person had been very ill and suffered for a while, is it wrong to think and possibly even worse to say, that actually, it's probably for the best?
I definitely have found myself thinking that over the last few days, but then, it wasn't someone I was close to that left me.
If you know the family didn't necessarily have a faith and you have no idea what their loved one believed, there are almost no words on earth to say, because you fear the worst for their soul. You can't exactly offer "they've gone to a better place".
If you find yourself in a place of mourning at this time of year, I have nothing to say that will change how you feel or make it better.
But as we all know, if we are celebrating Christmas, we are celebrating the birth of The Saviour of the world, no matter what we are facing, what our circumstances are or how we are grieving, we can find hope in the birth that took place all those thousands of years ago. If it were not true, the story would have faded and grown old, but the birth of Jesus is faithfully re-told every year, it stands the test of time.
Matthew 1:21 (NIV) She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.
I pray that you will truly find hope in the birth of that human baby conceived by God, who was born, and died, with the purpose to save every single one of us from our in-born sin. There is hope and there can be peace for you this Christmas.
Do you know someone who has lost a loved one this Christmas season? How is death made more difficult for families during the holidays? How can we bless those who mourn this holiday season?
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Comments (6)
Family and friends, hearth and home are the focus of the Christmas season. Losing someone close at this time is made more difficult because of that, it would seem.
It is hard to lose someone any time of year. I know I struggle yearly with lost loved ones who are gone at special occasions and certain times of year.
The best thing that has helped me has been going to Blue Christmas at my church. Being allowed to express my hurt and sorrow. Not having people expect me to "be happy" and wear a mask.
I lost my cousin (at 20 years old) about five weeks ago, so this was our first Christmas without him around. I didn't really feel any different, but it did feel weird to realize he won't be coming anymore.
It's hard to lose someone at any time of year, and even though it's been nearly 11 months since my brother went to be with Jesus, each special occasion throughout the year has brought tears, at least briefly. It's true that he's gone to a better place after a long fight with cancer, but it's not at all welcome to hear anyone say that. The best comforters have been those who didn't say anything but just offered a hug. It's also good to say, "I'm sorry about..." Don't tell me that you know exactly how I feel, or offer words to describe how I "must feel". But don't avoid mentioning the person. It's helpful to be able to talk about the loved one, and if tears come that's okay. Tears don't mean you've said the wrong thing; they may mean you've said the right thing.
Maybe you weren't looking for such a long comment, but since you've been thinking about it here's a little more food for thought.
@thinking_of_coffee@xanga - No, thank you for your comment. A friend of mine lost her 18 yr old niece to annorexia, it has been hard to find the words because I have no experience of that illness, I think she was a believer, so all our hopes are that she is now in a better place, but that doesn't really help them cope with it! Thank you for your advice of just allowing my friend to be able to talk about her niece. God Bless.
Ive lost a couple of friends over the last several years.... one very dear friend in particular passed away 13 yrs ago Christmas eve, after a short but brutal battle with a sudden illness, While it was so hard to let him go, in a way i was thankful that I got to be there with him. There is simply nothing you can say to make it better... and ive found that simply being there and being quiet is often the best thing. The last thing i wanted to hear was how he was in a better place, and all those Christian platitudes.. I wanted him back. i wanted to hit something (I did actually, thanks to my best friend who took me to a gym with boxing equipment. i took it out on a punching bag.. i am thankful for friends who understand me)