Monday, 26 December 2011
-
Post-Christmas Blues
By Amy at Make Me a MaryI got the news today of someone’s death, and the text I got simply said ”she met Jesus at 12:27 am”.
And I felt jealous. I cried not out of sadness, but because I long to meet Him, too.
And then I felt ungrateful because one of my most fervent prayers as a mother has been Please, God, don’t let me die and the twins be orphaned … let me live to raise my children and to know my grandchildren (and could I maybe even babysit my great-grandchildren?).
But I get so tired sometimes. As I sit here on the Christmas night looking over Facebook, Twitter, and Instragram, it’s just an onslaught of “sitting by the fire with hubby” pictures and posts and I’m stung by every single one.
I’m worn out with the responsibility of shopping and spending and wrapping and taking pictures, and no partner to share in all the fun and frenzy or even the worship. I’m the one who leads, always, and it’s just not easy because the Lord didn’t design a family to be this way.
Yet here we are, and I think about how it’s been a hard Christmas all the way around. This empty place remains–and still, even still, I try to fill it with the wrong things by forgetting to seek the one and only Right Thing.
And the emptiness overwhelms again, a thousand times again, beckoning me to that dark place where the lies tell me I’ll be on my own forever. And even if they really are just lies, I know I have to face that possibility–
because next time (should there be one) I will not settle.
It’s all goes back to trust, and I know that even if He calls me to stay the course alone, I’m never really alone.
So, I realize it’s okay to long for Home as long as I’m willing to carry out His purpose for me during my time here on earth, however long that might take. But waiting expectantly for His plan to unfold becomes especially daunting in the fog of weariness and discouragement.
With that said, it’s time for some praise and thanksgiving. There’s nothing else like it to get a weary soul out of her funk.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: makemeamary
- Name: makemeamary
- About Me: The title of this website was born out of a prayer I began to pray when I became widowed: "Lord, please help me love you more". Over time, I grew to deeply admire Mary Magdalene for the way she loved her Saviour and was completely sold out to Him, and my original prayer evolved into "Lord, make me a Mary." I long to be at the feet of Jesus, too, learning from Him and taking Him in. I also aspire to be like Mary the mother of Jesus, because she exemplifies a total trust in God and in His sovereign plan, even in the midst of frightening circumstances.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 129 Views: 0 67702 Comments: 0 402 View all posts by makemeamary
Comments (4)
I admire your strength you show through your posts, and I realise that even as you write them you may be feeling weaker than ever, but as you say, you can long for home, I think we all do, but for now we need to do His will here on earth. Stay strong. I can't imagine being a single mum, especially through death, so don't be too hard on yourself, you are allowed to wish for a release occasionally but just make sure you always come back to reality where you are needed and loved!
http://talkingchristian.blogspot.com/2011/12/is-there-good-time-of-year-to-die.html
When my children were but pre-schoolers, and I was still married to their father, I prayed every day that God would not take me until they were at least out of school, since my husband was a rageholic, and I knew they would not be loved like I could love them. I realize now that I have spent my entire life living in some kind of fear, and it hasn't served my health well. I know most of us do the best we can at any given time, but I wish I could remove the fear element that controlled my life, and replace it with faith and joy. Even in the hard times, I always assumed the worst. My father is like that, even now at 89, and when I find him pulling me into his doom and gloom world, I cut our conversations short and move on with my day. You can only control so much in your life, and the rest you have to give over to a higher power. And the ability to do that is such a freeing thing.
Houston Texans Jerseys as well expanded right line associated with NFL fixtures.You will find leather Andre Johnson Jersey Fathead chairs and recliners in several different designs.Every team includes these obtainable,Arian Foster Jersey and you can get some having cup holders and other amenities as well.Some are generally entirely black with all the team Matt Schaub Jersey logo on them,and some have coloured panels showcasing along with of that team at the same time.Justin Bieber Supra Shoes Clearly,cheap nfl jerseys Is also the BEST Presents For Supra Society Shoes Followers,and will probably be very interesting to discover what in addition they produce next.So if you do not know points to buy the actual Supra Skytop III Shoes fan in your life,or sometimes yourself,it's time for your great price cut NFL Fathead or perhaps two.You can get some tips today UGG Boots Outlet ,might love the particular realistic,authentic and also huge Fatheads showcasing your favorite teams and players.cheap North Face Outlet we will help uou find fantastic.
coach factory outletcoach handbags outletralph lauren polo outletpolo ralph lauren outletralph lauren outletralph lauren salecoach factory outlet onlinecoach factory outletsNew Arrivals BagsNew Arrivals BagsCoach BagsCoach Baby BagsCoach Baby Bags OutletCoach Shoulder BagsCoach HandbagsCoach SwingpacksCoach Tote BagsCoach Crossbody BagsCoach Spotlight BagsCoach Patchwork BagsCoach Hobo BagsCoach Business BagsCoach BackpacksCoach LuggagesCoach WalletsCoach WalletsCoach WristletCoach AccessoriesCoach SunglassesCoach JewelryCoach NecklacesCoach BraceletsCoach EarringsCoach KeychainsMens Ralph LaurenRalph Lauren Rugbys PoloRalph Lauren Dual Match PoloRalph Lauren Big Pony PoloRalph Lauren Small Pony PoloRalph Lauren Black Watch PoloRalph Lauren City PoloRalph Lauren Flag PoloRalph Lauren Striped PoloRalph Lauren Sash PoloRalph Lauren Polo ShirtsRalph Lauren Long Sleeved PoloRalph Lauren T-shirtsPolo Ralph Lauren SweatersRalph Lauren SweatshirtsRalph Lauren For WomenKids Ralph LaurenRalph Lauren Accessories