Monday, 19 December 2011

• What Are Your Five Least Favorite Christmas Songs?

  By Dean Lusk
  
  Yesterday I was struck with a serious question. I had no choice but to Facebook for my very best friends to consider. You may have read it already:
  
  If "I don't want a lot for Christmas," yet "all I want for Christmas is you," isn't that song ultimately one big insult?

   

  With that, you can probably guess that "All I Want for Christmas is You" handily earns a spot in the list of my least favorite Christmas songs of all time. This isn't an easy list for me to make because I'm so opinionated. Lots of songs should make the list, but only five lucky ones will.
  
  By the way, I thought about making this post about favorite Christmas songs, but that's just not as fun.
  
  I'll be focusing on popular Christmas songs; not the obscure tunes that almost everyone hates. There's a high probability that you will like -- nay, even love -- multiple songs on my list. I'm willing to take that chance.
  
  So without further ado, here is The Dean's List: My Five Least Favorite Christmas Songs of All Time (if you'd like to purchase any of these stinkers for whatever weird and disturbed reason, I've linked them to MP3's at Amazon.com):
  
  

  1. All I Want for Christmas is You
  2. The Christmas Shoes
  3. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth 
  4. Last Christmas 
  5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (the butchered Jackson 5/Bruce Springsteen, etc. version, NOT the unassailable classic song upon which Arthur Rankin, Jr. and Jules Bass based their gripping drama of the same name.)

  I've chosen one song on the list to explain its inclusion. Ranting about each song would be very impractical from a time standpoint. I'd be here too long. Let's run with Newsong's "The Christmas Shoes" (who knew the title had "The" in it?):
  
  There is so much I want to say about this song. It's possibly the most contrived urban legend I've ever heard, which is how this song unfortunately came to life (some will argue that it's based on a true story. I don't believe that for a moment). Shoes?? For a kid's dying mother? I probably shouldn't state the obvious, but very likely, well... she's not going to have an opportunity to wear them. And it's Christmas Eve! The boy should be at his mom's bedside, not leeching off of some stranger on the street. The lone child singing the last line is consumer manipulation at its worst. I can almost hear the producer saying to his associates in the recording studio, "You know what will really get 'em? We'll have a kid sing the last line!" and everybody in the room breaks into kudos for this bit of unexpected production genius.
  
  Enough of that. You get the idea. Now, if my list were, say, a "Top Eight" list, I could easily think of three more songs. Since this is a "Top Five" list, though, I have to make a whole new one:
  
  The Dean's List: I Really Dislike These Christmas Songs, As Well:
  

  1. Little St. Nick (my daughter loves this song. I feel terrible having it on my list)
  2. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas (same comment as the previous song)
  3. Hey, Santa (this apparently isn't the correct name, but I believe these are the first lyrics in the song. A little help?)

  The floor is openfor you to share your list or just to give me some serious grief for dissing your favorite Christmas song!

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