Monday, 14 November 2011
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The Trophy Generation Gets Married
By Sharon at SheWorships
One of my favorite shows on television right now is 30 Rock. Lately I’ve been catching up on old episodes on Netflix, and I recently watched a clip that I thought was both hilarious and thought-provoking.
In case you’ve never seen the show, it follows an SNL-like t.v. show created by head writer Liz Lemon, played by Tina Fey. Alec Baldwin plays Jack Donaghy, Liz’ boss and the head of NBC. Jack also serves as a mentor figure for Liz. In this particular episode, Jack looks for another employee to mentor because his fiancée is uncomfortable with his and Liz’s unusually close relationship.
As it turns out, Jack has a hard time replacing Liz. No one fits all the requirements he has for a pupil, and in one scene we learn why the junior execs in his company are especially unqualified. Jack finds none of them to be worthy of his mentorship, sighing, “There’s something wrong with this generation.”
No sooner does he finish his sentence than a young executive walks through the door with a fabio-esque haircut and his eyes fixed on his Blackberry. After shooting off an e-mail he looks up at Jack and casually declares,
“Sorry I’m late. BTdubs, I gotta leave for my ironic kickball league in about ten. Also, I’m not interested in this position unless I’m going to be constantly praised. And, I won’t cut my hair.”
I don’t know why that scene makes me laugh so hard! Probably because his self-absorption and self-entitlement rings a little true. While it’s clearly a caricature of the self-esteem movement’s fruits, it’s not that far off the mark. Social commentators don’t call my generation the “trophy kids” for nothing.
Much has been written about the cold reality facing entitled Millennials (born between 1980 and 2001) who enter the work force. Having been coddled and praised all the way through college, the real world is a real shock to them. Entitled people don’t make for good employees either. They don’t receive criticism well, they expect higher pay, flexible schedules, excess vacation time, and affirmation for fulfilling their most basic job requirements.
What I’ve begun to wonder, however, is what marriage will be like for this generation. Granted, not all Millennials are that sheltered, but for those who fit the bill I wonder what will happen when they say “I do?” Marriage, after all, isn’t necessarily great for self-esteem. God has used it to humble me mightily. And how will marriage square with a mentality that an academic dean at Stanford described as follows: “They really do seem to want everything, and I can’t decide if it’s an inability or an unwillingness to make trade-offs.” An unwillingness to make trade-offs? Trade-offs is the bread and butter of my marriage! This does not bode well.
As Americans get married later and later, we are only beginning to witness the interesting mix of matrimony with instant gratification and self-entitlement. For now, what we do know about the “Get a Trophy for Participating” Generation is enough to sober the next generation of parents. As we think about raising children who will be good spouses, and more importantly good Christians, we have to weigh the importance of self-esteem. It is not that self-love or success are bad things, but they are not ultimate things to which all other things must bow.
In a world as crazy and broken as ours, it’s easy to want to shelter our innocent children and keep them from being broken. That is part of a parent’s job. But as Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” Amid the self-esteem movement, how will we raise up disciples who are ready for this kind of call? I’m not sure the self-esteem movement is prepared to answer that question.
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About the Author
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- From: sheworships
- Name: Sharon
- About Me: Sharon Hodde Miller is a North Carolina girl, born and raised! She is originally from Charlotte, NC, and she received her undergraduate degree and Masters of Divinity from Duke University. Sharon has worked for Proverbs 31 Ministries where she was a contributing writer to the ministry’s daily devotions and radio broadcasts. She has written for Relevant Magazine’s online articles, Lifeway’s Collegiate Magazine, Ungrind Webzine, and she continues to write and minister to women all over the world about being a Christian woman in an ever-changing culture. Sharon currently lives in Durham, North Carolina with her husband, who is currently pursuing a Master of Divinity at Duke Divinity School. If you would like to contact her regarding a speaking or writing opportunity, if you have any questions, or would like to submit a blog topic, please e-mail her at sharon(at)sheworships(dot)com.
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Comments (6)
I know I'm putting the applications from folks in their 30's and up at the top of the pile now and working my way down to the 'youngers' because as you said this generation has some serious work place issues and I don't have time to be a mother and guidance couselor and run a company. If you're qualified and older than me I'm ten times more likely to hire you than if you have the same qualifications and are my age or younger. I've wasted far too much money and time on "adults" who act like spoiled little kids in the workplace. It's been my experience that 9 out of 10 people between the ages of 16 - 30 aren't anywhere near ready for a grown up job. I feel for them when they marry, poor little kids are suddenly going to find themselves face to face with someone else just as spoiled as they are.
I think you've hit upon a very interesting topic. My guess - fewer will marry, choosing instead to enjoy the more transient nature of live-in relationships.
Those who do marry will probably fare about as well as the current 50%, but I suspect more will part on friendlier terms.
(PS: Do you read your comments?)
"Trade-offs is the bread and butter of my marriage! "
if that's true, why do so many end marriages from previous generations up in divorce, or just generally miserable? maybe this generation will be the ones who finally get it right, because they don't see marriage as necessary to simply survive in our culture.
since when is marriage SUPPOSED to be miserable? since when is misery something to desire? sure, if you're Christian you practically get off on being a martyr. but some of us actually want happy lives and are willing to sacrifice whatever isn't a necessity (like marriage) to have it.
@drawmafreezone@xanga - the funny thing is that research shows that more and more businesses are catering to our "selfish" tendencies. as one of the so-called trophy kids, i don't mind being labeled as selfish. everyone is. and i'd rather be selfish than stuck in a dead-end job for 30 years because i don't think i can find anything better. so... if by "grown up job" you mean anything like the kind of jobs my parents ended up wasting their lives in... yeah, i'm not ready for that :)
I actually thought that generations were only considered to be about 10 years these days. I thought that 1980-1990 was called Generation Y, as in, post-Gen X, and 1990-2000 were the Millenials.
Regardless of generation labels, the self-esteem movement has done some serious harm to a few, but there are also a lot out there who are excelling like never before. And things like having tattoos and long hair are quickly becoming less important when considered against things like ingenuity and creative problem-solving- things that could be good in marriage.
@BookMark61@xanga , @sheworships@revelife - Sharon - do you read your Xanga comments? Guess not.