I had a friend email me and ask me "
I was just wondering if you could share your story with me how and why you decided to leave Christianity behind? Was it a gradual process over the years or did it happen 'overnight'?"
This is what I wrote to her and thought I would share it with all of you too.
My journey to leaving Christianity behind has been taken by some to be a short process but the reality of it has been more, in my opinion, of a long drawn out process and this explanation will probably be longer than you probably intended an answer. But I want to give you the best answer I can so you understand.
The reality is when I started I really had no intention of leaving Christianity behind.
The idea that I would be where I am today was the farthest outcome that I had expected me to be in. In fact I tried really hard to cling to Christianity through the whole process.
For me the process began with our movement toward Messianic Judaism. Traditional Christianity in most ways seemed wrong....like something was missing. My thought was that if I believed that god existed then I believed that he desired me to be the best Christian that I could be. So my journey began with the thought of "what are god's expectations for a Christian to be one of his followers?"
That brought me into Kosher Law, Sabbath Law, Gentile requirements and the like. I gladly started to understand some of the laws and started to apply them to my life. I applied them to my life because I thought they were the will of god and had no ill or bad feelings about doing such things; in fact I found joy in them.
It was around this time, that I seemed be reading blogs on various Biblical issues and saw that each issue had numerous answers most in conflict with each other. At the time, I viewed such discrepancies as more of a political stance of the specific church of the person making the comment. So, that lead me to the question "What was the real stance for Christians to take on those issues?" I mean, if we are of one body, we should be of one mind and Christianity reminded me of a body with Multiple Personality Disorder. So it was back to the question "What does god want?"
You would think that answers would be easy, I mean we had the book that had all the answers -- but that could not have been further from the truth. Finding answers was hard. Each issue had multiple bible verses and each Bible verse had to be taken to its original Greek Hebrew or Aramaic. In the end, I found out that there was some issues that when all boiled down had conflicting answers. Some Hebrew and Greek words have no English definitions meaning that we really don't know what it actually meant; bible scholars just took what ever they thought it meant or what ever the cause was for the church of that century.
This brought me to the question: "If they did that, what else could have been tweaked to serve their own reasons?" the answer for me was "Start at the beginning and find our the truth. Genesis here I come.
Some of the rules I had were:
1. All scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking and training in righteousness. Which leads to number two
2. All stances had to be supported by other verses besides just one and all verses had to be taken in context.
I had a few others but these were the most important.
Genesis was where the axis started tipping. Obviously the first issue to come up was the old Evolution verses Creation Debate. Having gone to a Mennonite school, evolution was not in the curriculum. So I basically was able to start at square one. I acquired all the books, blogs, Websites and debates I could on the subject of evolution and creation. This process was long and for every point made for evolution there was an answer for creation and visa versa. Then I read a book by of all people Richard Dawkin's called " The Greatest Show On Earth" I was hesitant about reading this because he was a staunch atheist who has a very I would say strong but strong is an understatement, view against god. But I found his book to be strongly informative. It made a very compelling case for evolution and the evolutionary process. It cited experiments that could be researched and you could see if the same conclusions he stated were the conclusions of the scientists as well. This book was the turning point to my acceptance of evolutions ....over time I accepted evolution as fact and creation was a myth.
Up until this point I still wrote on my blog like there was nothing wrong -- bible studies, but sometimes my questions and doubts shone through.
From there the questions kept coming like, "If creation was a myth what about Adam and eve and marriage? Who can get married? Did god create evil? Why does god allow bad things? If god doesn't do bad things why does seem to be oblivious to some Christians in times of extreme distress? Why are we called to be fruitful and multiply and yet some godly people left barren? Is slavery really wrong? What is the role of women in Christianity?"
For every question, there was enough material to make your head spin and you had to dig for an answer; eventually it finally came down to there were a lot of conflicting answers (and sometimes no answers) for the first time I asked myself "What if god was not real? What if god really isn't there?" I was conflicted had I spent all this time to find what god wanted to only find out that god might not exist.
So my efforts now turned to the conflicts that nonchristians had with the bible. I figured that this was a do or die situation -- either I was gonna prove to myself that god existed or it was just a myth. Again I went to books, blogs, websites and debates, and again I had enough material to go through. Eventually over time the Christian self was eroded away until one day I came to the conclusion. Christianity is a myth. And by golly I'm an atheist.
So the short answer is my journey from Christianity was because of the search for truth.
What is your story? Did you become an Atheist after being a Christian? Or did you become a Christian after being an Atheist?
True 
Comments (105)
Have you read "The Everlasting Man" by G.K. Chesterton? I would even mail you a copy if it would help you to read it. What do you have to lose? I would also recommend "Surprised by Joy" by C.S. Lewis and I would mail you a copy of this as well!
I admire your pursuit of the truth, but I think you took a wrong turn in there somehow. Are you satisfied, deep down, with the results of your pursuit? Do you feel complete now?
Please feel free to message me with questions if you have them; I don't claim to have answers but I imagine we could have a very interesting dialogue!
Once I saw the hypocrisy within the church and within the church goers themselves, my faith started to wane. How could these people be going to heaven when they are the complete opposite of what was being breached? Human dogma ended it for me. I'm not an atheist though, I claim agnostic. But I don't really care. If there is a god, he'll realize that despite my faults I've been a good, caring person. I don't need to blindly follow what some other human says in the name of god. Who is he to tell me what to think? Priest, pope or whatever. He's still human. He has no more of an idea than I do.
So I'll continue doing what I'm doing. I love life and I do a lot to help those around me. If that's not enough, and if those people who repeat the words without the knowledge of the actual MEANING get to heaven, well...I'll be glad I'm not there.
The abandonment of tradition and faith opens up so many more doors than it closes. There's a beautiful, complicated world out there and it's a joyful mandate to pursue its understanding without being hamstrung by superstition.
Thanks for sharing!
If you look at man, you will be disillusioned about faith in God. Men (and women) do disappoint, and fall short of perfect living out of faith. So you become what you choose. You will then find supports for your "beliefs".
I considered the Bible as more important than man's theories, and it led me to deeper faith in God. I concluded that the New Testament is NOT separate from the Old Testament. Therefore I would read the Old Testament in light of the teachings of Jesus in the 4 Gospels. I also considered reading the instructions and teachings in the New Testament, in light of what is clearly taught and illustrated in lives, within the Old Testament. I found that there is no other explanation than that there is a God who made this world, and a God who as a Father wants relationship with me.
I am hoping that you will deeply consider your steps away, and reconsider. I think that you think deep, feel deeply, and have a good personhood. It makes me sad that you would turn your back on God. You could not have actually understood how much He loves you.
I understand how you got to where you are. In college we learned about different world religions, and I learned how each religion took from each other what they wanted. How can it be divine if man is picking and choosing? And obviously there are many different religions with conflicting views, like you said....so they can't all be right. How do you know which one is right, if any?
This is what I go by...science answers how and religion answers why. I think you have to view religion and science hand in hand. I believe in God....a God that takes many forms. What I mean by this is that I don't think any religion is necessarily right or wrong...just that God has many faces. He is all powerful...he can be many while still being one. I believe in basic good...treat others how you want to be treated, don't judge others, forgive those who hurt you, etc. I believe God is in all our hearts. He's not something that can be defined by words or pictures. He is infinite, and the only way to begin to understand is through our hearts. Our relationship with God is not defined by religion, but by our own actions. It is something personal that no one else can understand.
I'm a Christian, so I do find your conclusion a little bit sad, but thank you for coming by it so very honestly! A lot of people have not done anywhere near the amount of thinking and searching for truth you have done.
i'm really proud of you for sharing your experience, as i know how hard it can be. coming to agnosticism was a 10-year journey for me, with a lot of stops in between (Wicca, Deism, Catholicism, and Celtic Christianity just to name a few).
in my opinion, if the Christian god exists, he knows precisely what i'd need to convert. if he doesn't love me enough to give me that so that i might be saved, i don't see why i should feel sad for not believing in him.
@pb49r@xanga - How unfortunate that the very men you cannot trust to appropriately represent your faith were evidently entrusted by your awfully human deity with the inscription and transmission of its most valued document.
@Lordv16@xanga -
Once I saw the hypocrisy within the church and within the church goers themselves, my faith started to wane.If you were going to church and you're not perfect, why would you expect every one else to be? The church is filled with imperfect sinners that are saved by God's grace. And even if there are some "really bad" examples of Christians, there are also a lot of really good Christians in the church. If you want to be agnostic, that's ok. I just think your reason is faulty.
@musterion99@xanga - I'll take nothing away from the true followers, the real examples, my issue is the awful ones. And no, I'm not claiming to be perfect, nor do I expect others to be, but the churches I attended, until I came up age to step out? They were disgusting places. Filled with some of the worst people who use god as some sort of shield, as if them going to church makes them a good person. How can you go to church every sunday and miss the entire point. How can you come out of church and talk about the niggers in the front row, or the tits on the girl in the parking lot. That's my problem. It's absolutely repulsive and I'd rather bow out than be associated with their blasphemy. My reason isn't faulty in the least, and it's not my only issue, it was only one of the MANY that I decided to write down.
@Lordv16@xanga - I agree that what you described is repulsive but believe me, there are many churches that are not like that. Sure every church is going to have some bad apples. Well, thanks for responding back.
As a fellow atheist I applaud your search for knowledge. Sometimes it's ok to say "we don't know" rather than "it's some god's work".
@Ancient_Scribe@xanga - I am very happy with where I am.
I've long thought about how different people can research an issue and come to different conclusions. I know people who say they've researched Christianity/God/etc. and everything, to them, pointed to atheism. On the contrary, all the research I've done has pointed me to Christianity (not all of the traditional beliefs, but Christianity nonetheless; and I'm still learning about any overlapping truths in other religions). What makes me wonder is this: are we reading the same material and coming to opposite conclusions or are we reading biased material that facilitates the arrival of a particular conclusion? Or are some of us balanced in our approach and others are biased?
Because if someone just read Dawkins' "The God Delusion", Sam Harris' "The End of Faith" and Christopher Hitchen's "God Is Not Great", I'd assume that atheism would be a no-brainer. If you just read Henry Morris' "The Genesis Flood" and any number of Lee Strobel's books, you would conclude that the scientific establishment is wrong about many things due to their rampant atheism, and you would find many rational reasons for supporting Christianity. It's terribly important that we expose ourselves not just to authors/preachers/professors who are terribly adamant (i.e. dogmatic) about their beliefs/theories but those who are wary of both extremes and yet are able to synthesize seemingly discordant ideas.
If someone told me they were an atheist because of "The God Delusion", I'd counter them with a miniature library of books to read. If someone said they were a creationist/IDist after reading Strobel's "The Case For A Creator", I would do the same. Neither of these hypothetical people has been very critical of their beliefs if they so unhesitatingly came to their conclusion (I'm not saying you did this; for all I know you read things by the best Christian evolutionists, the best Christian textual critics, etc.).
In short, not that you're going to necessarily turn away from atheism anytime soon (or at all), but know that all of the problems you've had are resolvable. Albeit if you asked a Christian who is anti-gay marriage, believes in an inerrant-Bible, and is a creationist, they might disagree.
@Lordv16@xanga - It's really interesting that you describe your church experience that way. I've heard quite a few people say similar things on Revelife. It makes me curious what's the difference between the churches I go to and these churches. Is it the denomination? (I go to non-denominational services) Is it the region? (I live in California) Is it completely sporadic? Very bizarre and unfortunate.
@kk_grayfox@xanga - just to let you know, I have read all of Strobel's books.
@Kristenmomof3@xanga - " just to let you know, I have read all of Strobel's books."
That's fine, but they're probably the last place I'd tell a seeker to look. Not that I didn't find them enjoyable and launching pads for further research, with the exception of the Case for the Creator which is terribly inaccurate. I discovered Michael Brown's "Answering Jewish Objections to Jesus" series through Strobel, which you might appreciate since Brown is a messianic Jew. They're all very scholarly and cover a a huge breadth of material.
I was just giving Strobel's writings as examples of somewhat uncritical arguments that a dogmatic Christian would refer to, much in the way a dogmatic atheist would appeal to the God Delusion (likewise, not that I didn't enjoy aspects of the God Delusion, but Dawkins is terribly ignorant about certain issues regarding God/religion, though obviously he articulates evolution beautifully). Strobel is a popular writer, definitely with his biases, and I don't think he ever claims to be more than that. I sort of think of him like Bill O'Reilly (or perhaps most news anchors): entertaining, some good ideas, but definitely one-sided and sometimes spouting false information.
I accept biblical inerrancy, because it's been translated by humans over 500 times. And the greek text for so many of our common place phrasing is simply not the same as how we use it now, particularly when speaking of hell and damnation. But, getting away from religion for a moment, if we look at quantum physics, long after stars die, photons of their energy, i.e., their light-continue to exist. Astrophysics tells us that 12 billion year old photons exist after the big bang theory. Do humans not share the same energies as stars?
very interesting post! i tried for a long time to be a christian. i wasn't raised in the religion, but since a lot of my friends were very religious i thought i wasn't normal and i wanted to fix myself. i tried sooo hard, waited for some meaning or peace to dawn on me. but it never felt right. whenever i prayed i felt like i was just talking to myself. i felt silly. all the ritual and worship in church, it all kind of creeped me out. and i tried MANY different churches. lutheran, catholic, babtist, evangelical, unitarian... i even read up on other world religions. buddhism, hinduism, judaism, islam, jainism, confucianism. buddhism was the one that spoke to me the most. all this time during my search, i still labeled myself as an agnostic. i wasn't sure of anything. then i had a near death experience a few years ago. nothing profound happened to me when i was so close to death. all i saw was a void. infinite blackness with no feeling. it was empty. there is nothing out there. there is no beyond. it scared me, because i had been half heartedly clinging to the possibility of an afterlife out of my own human fear of death. eventually i came to terms with it, and i can't really say that i believe in any sort of god. its the most natural and fitting conclusion. even buddhism allows for the non-existence of god. so that was my path to atheism. i finally feel at peace with my beliefs and like i'm not clinging to unhealthy delusions. i think religion is fine for those who benefit from it, but its not for everyone. "religion is the opiate of the masses" if it calms you down, great, but don't try and push that stuff on me.
My doubts hardly ever come from anything about God or the Bible itself, but I very easily become annoyed and feel hopeless when I have encounters with many other Christians. It's the hypocrisies and arrogance of the people who are supposed to represent and stand for what they believe that bring me down and make me want to leave the church (though I'm trying to be patient and tolerant and I do understand that I shouldn't judge others and I can't expect perfection). I also have been struggling a lot lately with what the Bible and Christians say about living with your SO and sex before marriage and other things that have left me almost with the conclusion that what Christianity says about lifestyles isn't what I believe at all.. I don't know. I am definitely questioning some things, though. Thanks for your story.
I think most non-Christians' problem with Christianity is that they know a whole lot of stuff, but just don't have any relationship with God. I saw that coming right from your introduction. You had a desire to behave in a certain way to please God. You read all the books and put a very extensive effort into educating yourself. But you make no mention of actually nurturing some kind of relationship with Him. The Christian who stands along side God but never talks to Him or looks Him in the face is a sad one indeed. Unfortunately, most Christians are like that. And they are no different than the Hindus, Muslims, Buddhist, Shinto, Atheists, Agnostics, Jewish, and "Christians."
No wonder you "broke up" with God. Your relationship can't survive if you are too distracted with chasing assumptions, other people's advice, and trying to read into everything God might possibly want from you. It may have been different if you had invested that energy into spending time with God Himself. He doesn't want your ability to obey laws. He just wants to love you.
Ah well. I guess it's too late now.
@TheFatDancer@xanga - Exactly what I was going to mention!
OP: You wrote about the things you did, but didn't mention a relationship with God. Being a Christian isn't just about doing things, it's about being in love with God and following Jesus.
I won't even read your "reasons" because you are rejecting a false Christianity. It is false because it is NOT Catholic. so, dude, you haven't rejected Christianity - because you haven't been exposed to it yet.
Protestants can get to heaven if the Catholic Church somehow saves them. So, dude, you still have a chance. Maybe someday you will see the radical difference between what you are calling "Christian" and real Catholic Christianity. In other words, its a good thing you dropped those "so-called" Christianchurches, you just may be on the right track now. But if you reject the Body of Christ, like Judas did at the Last Supper, then I would say you were in trouble. Catholicism is those people whom Jesus gave the cup of His Blood to. That's whom the Catholic Church is, whom they are, whom we are.@kk_grayfox@xanga - I'm so glad to find another thoughtful Christian who feels this way about Strobel.
are you SURE you've found the truth? just because there's a lack of 'evidence' for God in your path for proving His existence doesn't mean that its complete opposite is true. i think you should rethink your logic on this.... i am agnostic myself but that's just due to socially driven reasons that every religion pisses me off... i am extremely spiritual. i mean, look out at the stars and tell me have we been able to find alien life? no? so does that mean, then, that aliens do no exist? no, it doesn't mean exactly that. i hope that your path that led you to atheism is much more complex than what you have explained in this blog.... extremism is what caused all these sociocultural problems in the first place. i'm just posing othe alternatives that are OK too... it's OK to be spiritual and not believe in "god" - when really "god" can stand for whatever you want... it's really just about the belief, not what you call it... are you absolutely SURE you can just turn your back on every thing you've grown to believe in and take the COMPLETELY OPPOSITIONAL stance??