By Dean Lusk
I'm going through a place where I feel like I should be doing something
. I'm not quite sure what, though.
I feel as though, if I don't do anything, my friends, my family, and my Church family will not only fail to grow stronger in Christ, but will they weaken, crack, and eventually fragment. Shouldn't I be teaching deep spiritual truths? Explaining the mystery of Christ in a way that will turn heads? Speaking out against religious hypocrisy? Giving an irrefutable apologetic for organic Church life? Pulling some previously-unrealized message out of a well-known parable Jesus gave? Writing a cutting-edge article or book for Jesus that will suddenly and overwhelmingly redefine American Christianity?
But I realize that even if I were capable of these feats, none is right; not now, at least. So I sit, wallowing in my own inaction, because the Holy Spirit is not in any of those things for me. Matter of fact, I feel pretty certain that there's instruction not to do (or try) any of those things.
Candidly, this makes me feel useless. It gives me the sense that any good influence I may have had on people for the sake of Christ is quickly fading. It chips away large chunks of self-esteem. There are spiritual plateaus, and I'm walking on one right now. I almost feel like God is not talking to me.
I'm not depressed, and I'm not back-sliding. I'm just here.
Maybe the reason God doesn't intend for me to do any of the things I mentioned is that they all feature me. What can I do? Because, of course, if I don't do something for Jesus, all will be lost.
You know, that is so arrogant. Maybe that's why God has me here right now... To remind me that I'm the one who needs Him, not the other way around.