By Dean LuskI'm going through a place where I feel like I should be doing
something. I'm not quite sure what, though.
I feel as though, if I don't do anything, my friends, my family, and my Church family will not only fail to grow stronger in Christ, but will they weaken, crack, and eventually fragment. Shouldn't I be teaching deep spiritual truths? Explaining the mystery of Christ in a way that will turn heads? Speaking out against religious hypocrisy? Giving an irrefutable apologetic for organic Church life? Pulling some previously-unrealized message out of a well-known parable Jesus gave? Writing a cutting-edge article or book for Jesus that will suddenly and overwhelmingly redefine American Christianity?
But I realize that even if I were capable of these feats, none is right; not now, at least. So I sit, wallowing in my own inaction, because the Holy Spirit is not in any of those things for me. Matter of fact, I feel pretty certain that there's instruction not to do (or try) any of those things.
Candidly, this makes me feel useless. It gives me the sense that any good influence I may have had on people for the sake of Christ is quickly fading. It chips away large chunks of self-esteem. There are spiritual plateaus, and I'm walking on one right now. I almost feel like God is not talking to me.
I'm not depressed, and I'm not back-sliding. I'm just here.
Maybe the reason God doesn't intend for me to do any of the things I mentioned is that they all feature me. What can I do? Because, of course, if I don't do something for Jesus, all will be lost.
You know, that is so arrogant. Maybe that's why God has me here right now... To remind me that I'm the one who needs Him, not the other way around.
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Comments (2)
You are needed.
But this is a great thing! God calls us to periods of rest before he calls us to periods of action. I mean, the Israelites were in the desert for 40 years before they were directed to move into the promised land. Moreover, look at the caterpillar. It lies in its cocoon, and there really is nothing more inactive than that, yet it is the time when God works the most strongly with it, to turn it into a butterfly. God is working in you right now, on you. Eventually, he will work through you, but not yet. You aren't ready yet. Also, who would you want to do those things for? If you were to right a book, for example, that revolutionized American Christianity, chances are that you would be glorified more than God. (Look at Billy Graham, yes, he won a lot of souls for the kingdom of God, but it seems that Billy's name is the one that is so cherished, not Jesus) Perhaps you are called to work in quieter, more subtle ways. I was with my minister one day, ash wednesday to be precise. I was aalone with her in the chapel, and I was planning on killing myself that night. She kept me around a good amount of time after her little private service with me was over, just...talking, rambling on about things that never really mattered. I never said what I was planning, but she had a look in her eyes, a look that I can only explain was the holy spirit shining through her. It saved me, and I didn't kill myself because she loved me, and I couldnt hurt her like that...it was so strong. perhaps you are called to act in that way...and you might not even know.