Monday, 23 May 2011
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Forgiveness for Criminals: It's Never Easy
Let's be honest: we can't sleep on it. It doesn't happen overnight to forgive somebody who had wronged us. I posted a blog about the death penalty, and there are people who believe that those murderers, rapists and molesters do not deserve a second chance and should die.I know I sound sympathetic towards them when I say that I believe that the death penalty should be abolished, not only because it also executes the innocent but because those criminals deserve a chance to change and be helped to change. I know I don't exactly know what it's like to have someone really close to me die, be raped or be molested -- and I hope I never will. But I have watched a lot of documentaries about people who commit murder, and the one thing they have in common is that they were all bullied and abused somehow by other people in their lives and some by their parents -- the very people who were suppose to protect them. And by hurting someone else, they feel empowered, and they feel like they are avenging themselves for all the times they had been bullied. Basically, they are driven to do them.
Of course, when those criminals get out, people just see them as criminals. It's harder for them to get a job that way. So they end up robbing and come back to jail and more people think that they can't change.
I guess that therapy doesn't work on criminals because the therapists are just strangers to them; they think they're doing it for the money. They just closed their hearts to anyone because their friends and families had closed theirs to them.
If any of those crimes had happen to me -- except robbing, because it already happened to me -- I honestly don't know if I can see any humanity in his/her eyes if I ever get the chance to see him/her again or be able to forgive. But time is a great healer, so maybe I could.
I have learned in the past that the ones closest to you are the ones who can hurt you the most. And it has been really taking a long time to forgive and forget.
Do you have to forget to forgive? If you forgive and forget, do you not learn from the mistake? Why do you think it's so hard to forgive people?
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- From: f5ye_angel5@xanga
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- About Me: My heart started to beat after 18 days of conception, I wonder how fast people's heart beat when they fall in love.
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Comments (12)
Forgiveness isn't about the other person as much as it is about you. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to be nice to that person, want anything to do with them, or even acknowledge their existence. Forgiveness means letting go of what that person has done to you and not letting that eat away at you anymore.
Further, forgiving someone doesn't mean that you think they should get off scott-free. I still believe very firmly in capital punishment and harsh prison sentences (my personal take on justice is as follows: maximum penalty for every crime, every time), but that doesn't mean I let what they did eat away at me. Forgiving someone does not excuse or exempt them from paying their debt to society, and I truly hope you're not confusing the two.
I know it's hard to forgive (it was hard to forgive my own father for the evils he committed toward myself, my mother, and my younger sisters), but in the end it was better for me to do so. I just wish I would have seen that before he died....
I don't think you must forget to forgive; forgiveness is a discipline which you learn through serving everyone, without exception (including those who have wronged you or are in prison). I think it can be so hard for many people to learn because their idea of forgiveness is abstract and undefined.
But when you define forgiveness as replacing ill-will with love through service (in various ways), then it becomes something that can be built, worked on, and developed!
@StatelessPilot - If you read the parable of the debtor in Luke 7:40 and following, it appears that forgiveness does often include absolving someone of your rightful justice over them. Sometimes the law of the land takes action and we can't absolve that person, in that case, forgiveness then fills a new spectrum of reality. But it seems to me that imposing the maximum punishment for every offense every time is not forgiveness (I'm not talking about the law of the land. our government can do whatever it wants- but I'm talking about Christian individuals seeking maximum punishment for offenses committed against one another).
If you seek maximum punishment, remember, we are also all awaiting a judgment in which we're told we will be judged in likeness to how we have judged others. And the maximum punishment that God inflicts is far worse than what we can inflict here on earth!
@StatelessPilot - Yeah of course not. Just that I think death penalty is to the extreme.
@f5ye_angel5@xanga - I agree the death penalty is the unnecessary extreme. It's like state-approved vengence. I actually wrote a post (indirectly) addressing the death penalty (stemmed from a debate with other Xangans on the death penalty.)
http://ameliahart.xanga.com/731958805/when-hate-is-justified/
Typical bleeding heart liberal idealism.
Some people are evil. They have no interest in being a better person or nice to anyone. They hurt, use, abuse, steal, are cruel, etc.
For every evil person that had a crappy childhood and becomes a criminal, there are three dozen who also had that crappy childhood that hurt no one, do good and kind things to others to counterbalance the void that was in their own lives.
Capital punishment? I have never seen a repeat offender when that sentence is carried out. It is 100% effective in preventing that person from committing further acts of crime, hurt, evil against anyone else.
God does not differentiate between sins. Humans do. With God, stealing a paper clip is just as sinful as stealing a Porsche. It is to sin, to fall short, to miss the mark. None of us can ever make the mark. But we are all supposed to strive for it and model ourselves after Jesus. He did not condone sin or make excuses for it. He often healed someone and told them "go and sin no more".
You will not be punished more on judgement day because you agree with the concept of maximum punishment for crime. That may be Karma, that is not Christ. At judgement day, your name is either written in the Book of Life or it is not. It is not like a courtroom, there is no jury, you will not be pleading your case. You have either believed that Jesus was the sacrifice which allowed you to have your sins forgiven, and enter heaven, or you will not have believed that. Real simple.
Here in our imperfect world we make laws and rules for everyone to abide by, to create an orderly society, which allows freedom and peace to exist. When you violate one of the rules, you are penalized by society (all of us) for that failure. It is unpleasant. That is the point. Breaking the rules requires a penalty to be paid by YOU. Most of the time it hurts you financially. Sometimes it hurts you by removing your freedom and wasting your limited lifetime. The more serious the offense, the higher the fine or the longer incarceration you face. Ultimately, the taking of someone's life often requires you forfeiting the rest of your life, either locked up in a concrete cubicle, or losing your life.
We, as a society, decide what a crime consists of, and what the penalty should be for that crime. Don't like it? Change it. Work to abolish (or promote) the death penalty. Unable to, but can't stand it? Move. You can live in a country with societal rules more in line with your beliefs. Perhaps you should live in a country where caning is used, or removing the hand of a thief, or where the law allows the victim revenge, such as throwing acid in the face of the perpetrator.
For those that live in the U.S., the punishment is pretty tame compared to the crimes committed. A sex offender just got arrested for the third time in my community, for raping and strangling some girl. At least she lived. This was his third time. Why was he even out to have that opportunity? Because of bleeding heart liberal lawyers, psychologists, and judges who felt he was "redeemed"...tell that to his second and third victims. Next time maybe they should volunteer to take him into their own homes, around their 13 year old daughters....let's see how fast they'd change their minds...
Having to lock someone up for the rest of their life, or tell them they are going to lose their life, is not a pleasant thing. But the rest of us law abiding and innocent citizens must be protected from such evil to insure an orderly and peaceful society.
Real simple. Obey the law. And quit making excuses for those who choose not to.
I agree. It's not easy, but it can be done. Jennifer Hudson forgave that man who killed her family.
As a person who lost a dear friend to murder, I know first hand that forgiveness is more for me than the murderer, though, sometimes extending the forgiveness frees the person to receive the love and grace of G-D.
I think the Death Penalty is a horribly unnecessary, broken system. Innocent people have been executed in my lifetime and I'm only 30. Don't tell me it doesn't happen in modern day because of DNA because DNA is only available in 20% of death penalty cases. It is applied overwhelmingly along racial and class lines. If you're a poor or minority you are 8-9 times more likely to be given a death sentence. I think G-D had a few things to say about acting justly toward the poor.
I think murderers should spend the rest of their lives in prison for sure. But we have the ability to keep them in prison for life and separate them from society, why must we also support state-funded revenge?
Finally, Just last night I met 7 or the 11 men on death row in my state. It's not as simple as many of you make it to just call them a bunch of evil monsters. Many of them are remorseful and can hardly live with themselves. Many of them were young, foolish, on drugs or dealing with mental illness/handicaps. It does not excuse their horrible, horrible mistake, but it does remind you at the core. These people are also still humans that G-D desperately loves and it breaks his heart that they made such a horrible choice. G-D can make things right. He will judge justly, but at the end of the day our job as Christ-followers is to love and forgive. We lack the wisdom and the purity of heart to decide who lives or dies justly.
My personal reason for supporting rehabilitative justice rather than retributive justice is this: I realize that every person has the capability of committing horrible, horrible crimes. We wield our hatred of criminals...but something tells me that in many cases, had we been in the criminal's shoes, we would've done the same thing. I find that I cannot hate because I know that, at least in some small way, I am not that different from the offender. Therefore I condemn their acts, but aim for understanding and mercy towards the person.
As for the death penalty...I see the reasoning behind it, but in its current state it seems to be a lot more trouble than what it's worth. If America can't live without the death penalty, how do other countries do it?
@Ork58@xanga - I'm just saying that we're only humans. We don't have the right to kill another for punishment. That guy should have just sat in jail for the rest of his life.
@f5ye_angel5@xanga - Came across this post from your recent one. You are right in saying that we don't have the right to kill another for punishment. Assuming by "we" you mean Christians. However, God does give the government the authority to take the lives of criminals. I personally don't like the government taking lives, and I hope they will do so less and less. However, God did give them the right.
@TravelingStranger@xanga - Forgiveness is about the other person as much as it is about you. Forgiving someone means that you have to be nice to that person, and want everything to do with them, and even acknowledge their existence.