Friday, 13 May 2011

• Church Fail: $#!@ My Youth Pastor Says

  For the following days I will be posting a series of posts on the common fallings and failings of Western Christianity from theology to life within the Church. Enjoy and don't be afraid to poke yourself in the ribs. 

  As a former youth pastor I encountered some of the funniest, weirdest, and saddest occurrences within the Church. Most youth pastors have the tact to keep their mouths shut when they are offended, made the butt of jokes, or heckled in any way. However, these true feelings make their selves known whether muttered under their breath, to their wife/ gf, or fellow youth pastors. If your youth pastor could have said what was on his mind at the time this is what he/she would have said:

  • So at what point did raising your kid become my responsibility? 
  • There’s gotta be an easier, and cheaper, method to get teens here then pizza or ice cream. 
  • So for pastor appreciation month the head guy gets a trip for 2 to Aruba and I get a signed card with a $20 in it? 
  • Is there a way to remove the word “youth” from my title so the 50+ crowd will stop looking at me as a paid babysitter? 
• Ah… paycheck time (opens up envelope). There’s that $400 check that makes my 4 years in college, 1 year in seminary, and $65,000 in student loan payments worth it! Perhaps when I’m 70 I’ll have ‘em paid off. 
• That was the greatest message I have ever given. Too bad I can’t do that on a Sunday anytime soon. Last time I did that the head cheese looked at me like I was stealing his show. 
• People keep asking me when the wife and I are gonna have kids. I already feel like the 30 in that room are my own. I spend more time with them in a week then they do with their parents in a day. 
• I wish the elders would stop asking me to brainstorm new ideas to get a “younger crowd” here on Sundays. What do they think I do with my time? Envision ways to drive younger people away from the church?
• Oh great, another hymn from the 1800’s. Even George Beverly Shea requested something written within the last century. 
• I’m glad the pastor listened to my idea about the church having a website; I just wish he wouldn’t have asked me to operate it. 
• That’s the last time I come to a deacon and elders meeting. Every vision and dream I’ve drawn up over the last 6 months was just shot down because we don’t have “funding”. If half of those elders would actually tithe and give more then a $5 we’d have the funding. 
• This Sunday would be a great time to reintroduce myself to the congregation and see if adults would like to sponsor a teen for camp… Pastor just told me he’d “pray about” letting me speak during announcements. Guess thats a no. 
• The teens were so excited about having their own worship team. Were… The teens were too loud during sister Gert’s prayer request. 
• “Miss Evelyn would you be willing to sit in on youth group? We need help watching the teens.” Real reason: deacons assume since I’m single I’m going to make out with every girl in this room during class. At the same time. 
• I wish these parents would stop undermining everything I’m teaching their kids. I enjoy pouring hours into a message just so you’ll contradict what I teach them… and then later assume it’s my fault their so messed up. 
• People keep asking when I plan on buying a house. Why would I want to make that investment? I've watched 3 pastors leave this church within the last 12 months. Stability isn't a word known around here apparently. 
• As if I didn't have enough to do I now have a website to operate. Naturally because I'm the only one under 40 in this meeting. Something tells me I'll be paying for this un-reimbursed as well.
What did you think of this list: funny? accurate? completely off? What has been your experience with youth pastors? What do you think we can do help them out and better integrate church leadership?

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