Lately, I have been hearing a lot of disruption on the yoking of a believer or non-believer. The Bible does not encourage it, but at the same time, I read this:
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?1 Corinthians 7:12-16
To be sanctified isn't to be automatically saved, but it brings the presence of God in his or her life that may not have been there before.
I may not be able to convert my husband, but I can help him understand and appreciate the Christian view and understand us a little more. He does believe in a God, so we do have that; however he doesn't have structure of any sort and does not live for God or believe in heaven or hell. He just sees God as the creator and that "god" is the God for everyone. "My god is your god...just not your religion".
I live for God, but I feel bad because I have never really dedicated my whole day to God and lived exactly for him. I am a bad Christian for that and other sins. He and I may not bond exactly through praise of Jesus Christ, but he might pray to God if nothing else. At least God hears him. Even if in denial of Jesus, my husband sees "his" god as the "same" as mine. I don't know how I feel about that, but I pray for him because I want for him like everyone else -- to know the Christian God. But because I want it, that doesn't mean it will happen. You cant force anything on anyone. But, you can always pray for them.
I have had a lot to think about.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a non-believer? What hope can you give to someone who is in a marriage with a non-believer?
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Comments (91)
Lol. Yoking.
I'm pretty sure elsewhere in the bible it says you shouldn't marry non-believers, but hell, the bible argues things both ways in a lot of places. I think as long as you are tolerant of each others beliefs and can respect each other's beliefs, there is no issue. If your values conflict though, this may lead to issues. One may be pro-life, the other may be pro-choice, one may be anti-contraception, pro-premarital sex etc. You can't have conflicting issues like that in a working relationship.
did he show any interest in becoming a Christian before you got married?
i'm currently in a relationship with a non-believer and i keep hoping and praying he'd seek God with all his heart but definitely i wouldn't want him to feel that i'm trying to convert him, the change should come from within. i try to share the gospel and the truth from the Bible and i pray that he would let the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to transform him to a new creation.
it's difficult to believe in God for someone who doesn't recognize the existence of heaven and hell.
i'm sure before you got married you have accepted him as he is. just love him and don't stop believing God can make a miracle. you know the greatest miracle?
The greatest miracle of all is a changed life with Jesus!
As long as you love and respect each other, by all means, you have my approval.
I know a lot of people in interfaith marriages, and if you can make it work, by all means, go for it. A couple of the interfaith couples I know are among the happiest I've ever seen. Back when I lived in Abilene, two of our biggest pipe/drum corps sponsors were an interfaith couple - he's Muslim, she's Christian. They've been married for 40+ years and are probably the happiest couple I've ever seen.
It can work, though it can be a challenge. Just like other barriers that might enter into a marriage (for example in my case: my career), this is just one of them. Kudos to you for making it work.
I am married to a non-believer. I try to show the love of God through my actions and he attended church with me before we moved. He is very distrustful of the church because of some bad experiences, but I hope through my relationship with God I can bring him closer to him.
WHO CARES This goes for anyone in this debate with themselves. Do you love them or is the only thing you care about is his religious affiliation? If you only care about his religion or that's a huge defining factor of your relationship, you honestly should reconsider your motives.
what i find funny is that the Christian in these interfaith marriages want to make themselves out to be the victim, are you kidding? your SO is in love with someone who thinks they deserve to burn in Hell for eternity because they don't believe in the right things. i'll save my empathy for them.
I have been in such a relationship, in fact engaged to someone of another faith, and while at first I thought it would work, ultimately it didn't. He grossly misrepresented himself during our dating/engagement period - claimed to be interested in Christianity, to have my values, etc...and over time, I found out that he was just "being that way" and presenting himself that way to win me over. After I came to know him better, I realized our values were totally at odds with each other, our family and parenting goals were not the same, and his family was not at all accepting of me and my children as Christians. It's probably a good thing we broke the engagement. Love and living my own Chrisitan life/example wasn't enough to sustain a relationship that was so much at odds. If I ever date again, it will only be with someone who shares my faith, as it is so much a part of my life and values that I can't see struggling through those differences again.
In my humble opinion, this situation should not have happened in the first place. Unless the believer became a believer while they were married or if one person decided to leave the church that is a different story. But for the believer who is feeling trapped in a marriage. It always goes back to persistent prayer and deep devotion to God. I also remember learning that in a fully Christian God-centred marriage, your number one love is not your spouse. Your spouse is your second priority and first is obviously God. In a deep marital relationship like this there is tons of opportunity to show how great God is to that spouse. I can't speak for being married because I am still single. But I was convicted one day on something. For a while I've been praying for my parents and family to one day be able to sit at the dinner table to say grace together in unity under Jesus. But that day doesn't come if I don't spend enough quality time with my family. Quality time isn't just sitting there and being there. It is taking initiative to get involved with them and once you get to know them better, they naturally get to know you and the struggles you have overcome. In a marriage context, that is even more prevalent. Even though you may be a believer that's backsliding, it is never too late to show your spouse how much you can re sanctify yourself to God.
I humbly give you this advice as it is something I need to do A LOT more with my family and some friends I have.
I hope that has blessed you today.
I will go against what my dear friend here says in this case @StatelessPilot - sorry babe, I love ya, but I have to share my mind here.
I have not often seen marriages of different faiths work. The only time I've seen them work is when both of the people are not TRULY dedicated to their own faith, hence they kind of throw it to the wind and make their relationship about one another... but then, who does that benefit?
I believe that it CAN work, but for instance, my husband was an atheist when we met, and I eventually told him that I would be so "concerned" for him if we dated (we weren't dating at the time)
The reality is this - often people will say that religion does "not" matter, and everything is "okay" for a few years so long as both of them ignore the religious issues (again, does anyone really want to do that?) but then something odd happens... they have kids.
Because of these said children - suddenly religion is a BIG issue...
For instance, my mother was dating an atheist before she was married, and he had no problem with the fact that she was a believer... but he would NEVER LET HIS CHILDREN ANYWHERE NEAR A CHURCH... >_>
My parents have counseled a lot of couples, and I can't tell you how many of these "inter-religious" marriages fell apart when it came to the children. SUDDENLY as if by MAGIC the atheism, or catholicism, or christianity, or Muslim mattered.
Suddenly the children HAD to be baptized in the catholic church, - NO NO! THey are not ALLOWED in church, BUT THEY'RE GOING TO HELL! But- there IS no hell! It just goes back and forth and on and on.
I have had the pleasure of knowing a few children from these kinds of marriages. Honestly? They often have no clue what they believe, and more often they suffer from some serious depression. They are caught between what their parents are saying. One says "don't worry, there's no God," the other is saying, "If my child believes that, then there might be a chance they go to hell..."
Not good.
If you are married and in a relationship like this, then by all means, stay with him if he's content to be with you, but PLEASE think before you have children, or bring more into the picture - those are my thoughts.
@glittershadow@xanga - " Do you love them or is the only thing you care about is his religious affiliation?"
In my religion, your affiliation and practice means your
salvation. Its hard to live and love someone that you feel may never see heaven. Not that it harder to love them, but you find yourself wanting to save them. kind of like that "knight in shining armor" complex that they talk about here and there. It is a GOOD thing to care and not everyone can stay in a situation where they can't be the hero. It hurts to watch someone go down a path that may mean you aren't going to be together in a afterlife. Expecially if they don't believe in a afterlife. Its not just a matter about only caring about thier religion, its a matter about caring what happens to them and committing to yourself to respect thier decsion to walk that wrong path. Its not that its everything, but the love of god and love of worldy people are two seperate things that can impede on each other if not careful. Happens to me all the time.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - I can promise you I am not trying to be a victim. My husband laughs and says that it never bothered him because he doesn't believe in hell anyways lol. My address was to the fact that it is okay to be in the relationship. I had many family members telling me not to be with him because it was a sin. In fact I tell you I am a bad Christian, this topic isn't something I posted to get sympathy - its because people like me experienced guilt. I'd feel sorry for my husband because he knows I secretly want to convert him, although I'd never try and force him! lol
@Conartist@xanga - My husband had identified himself as a Catholic when we first met, but over the years came to the conclusion that he had only had the title and never really believed in Christianity. Sure we could have not gotten married, but as I mention - I am not a "good" Christian. By no means is that right or does it even mean that I am "saved". But I continue to try and live my life for god as best as I can. I don't think my spouse would care to see me do better or worse practice in my faith as our faiths differ. I'd like to take your advice, but didn't really understand how to use what you gave me.
@Grtt@xanga - I had to use it somehow =P
@stalkdebbie@xanga - My husband in short - identified himself with christianity because his parents told him he was, but when talking about it - he found that he really didnt know or believe any of it. I'd have to advice you to think about what you want, for me it was a big deal to be able to raise my future kids, if any, christian. My hubbs understood and made it clear that he wouldn't try to get in the way of that. He and I have many different views, but work well together and have been together for 6 years before getting married. I am a lax christian and don't exactly know how secure in god's eyes I am. But hopefully you'll find what you want. You cant convert anyone who doesnt want to be converted, just keep that in mind. it may never happen, if so - can you live with that?
@StatelessPilot - Thank you =)
@musicmom60@xanga - Yea, had this been any other person and I had known his faith issues earlier, I dont know if we would be married today. Ive known and dated the guy for 6 years really, so I really wanted to make sure things worked with him before I committed my life with him. I'm glad you saw the guy's real beliefs before hand, Im sure that it saved you a lot of heartbreak down the road =)
@LKJSlain@xanga - I have been with him for many years and as we are married, had no intention of leaving him. However, I brought up kids a long time ago and told him that if we did get married they would have to grow up Christian and get a good foundation before they would come to choose what they believe. If those terms were not met, kids would not be happening. =) And your right, he has no structured faith and I am a lax Christain, so we might be more compatable than most inter-faith in that aspect..but I am glad you brought these topics up. If I want such a paranoid android and have gone through this with him many times, I'd be sitting down with him right now. hahaha
So I read that your husband was an athiest? Had he turned faith or had you two stayed together? Sorry to be nosey, I'm just a little intrested =)
@wolvenchic@xanga - Cory/David (my husband) is an absolutely amazing man of God.
His family is still atheist/agnostic.
@LKJSlain@xanga - Thats awesome =)
@wolvenchic@xanga - If it doesn't look like it is possible anytime soon. It goes back to prayer. Besides, persistent prayer is one way to help you grow in your faith.
1 My father was "sanctified" by my mother in the manner you are describing and as Paul described in 1 Corinthians 7 as you quoted. He confessed his faith in Christ when he was 84 years old.
2 Scripture says one who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. That "name" is not limited as much in religion falsely teaches. The name of the Lord is the total essence of Almighty God, Our Creator which no human being can fathom. When Jesus said no one comes to the Father except by Me, He was saying a man must trust in God and not in himself to enter eternal life. Religion tries to ensnare us in confusing semantics; but God desires us in family relationship with Him. And it sounds like your husband is open minded to that.
3 Your post suggests you have a personal relationship with the Lord and not just a religious point of view. Such promises high likelihood your husband may one day know Christ intimately as you do.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a non-believer? Yes. What
hope can you give to someone who is in a marriage with a non-believer? I have offered three statements but can offer many more if you write to me. I am saddened to see so much religious smoke in many of the other comments.
@wolvenchic@xanga - well, admittedly i was thinking more aloud about other interfaith posts on here. a few days ago i think, someone posted a blog that had more of a "woe is me" attitude.
regardless of whatever i might believe personally (and i've bounced around between Presbyterian, Wiccan, Buddhist, agnostic, Catholic, Deist, etc.), i don't believe i could ever see religion in absolute terms.... for the simple fact that i have bounced around. no choice was more right or more wrong...it was just whatever i needed at the time. as long as they never expected me to convert just for them, i'd have no problem dating or marrying someone of any faith. i would never end up with anyone who firmly believed that God is meant to be a central figure of the relationship... not because of particular religious belief, but because i'm not interested in the presence of a third party.
not to mention, my loved ones have always mattered far more to me than any deities. if my SO (who i am madly in love with) ends up not going to Heaven, i want to be in Hell right next to him. but again, that's because i could never love an invisible being as much as i love other people.
I've commented on this issue before, so I'll just briefly rehash what I've said on other posts. I'm an atheist and my boyfriend of over four years is a Christian. We have a wonderful, very strong relationship and we plan on marrying someday.
And before anyone asks me about the whole "how will you raise your kids" thing, neither of us plan on having children.
Advice for Christians dating non-Christians? Don't be a missionary dater. There's a line between discussing your faith with your significant other and constantly telling them that they would be so much happier with Jesus, that you're so worried that they're going to Hell, etc. etc. No one likes a missionary dater. Honest discussion about religion > pushing someone to convert.
If you don't like it DIVORCE HIS ASS. I'm not trying to be rude...Well I am. But is your relationship based on religion or your husband. If you truly loved him, you would let him believe in anything he wants. He respects you as well as your religion, but you don't seem to do the same in return. Why must a relaitonship be based on religion? You knew what you were getting yourself into when you married him. GEEZ.
@wolvenchic@xanga - No offense, but that's really fucking stupid. I'm a born-and-raised catholic by association with my mom. My dad's not religious and my mom is. They've been together 30 years almost and they very much love each other. They get along perfectly fine. If you want to fucking care so much go ahead, but it's not healthy for you or your relationship.
Love is love. Religion isn't love. People of all denomination of faith love. He most likely doesn't deserve you if that's the case because it's somewhat selfish.
@StatelessPilot - O yeah, I understand that part... However, like with me and my husband, what I told him was that I had said that I would just be horribly concerned for him if we decided to be together. Regardless, I have only seen it work in very few situations.
Hope you're doing okay btw... :)
You are missing out on ample Biblical evidence of Universal salvation, and holding fundamentalist thoughts hostage to your husband's disbelief. Relax. Luke 3:6 ALL mankind will see God's salvation. John 1:9 The true light that gives light to EVERY man was coming into the world. John 12:32 When I am lifted up, I will draw ALL men to myself. Romans 3:23-24 ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 5:18 Just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for ALL men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life to ALL men. I could drag this out and go on for quite some time, but I've spent two decades going from church to church, studying with each church, and concluding that fundamentalist belief in and of itself is not how Christ lived while on this earth. The notion of hellfire and damnation was included in scripture around the year 600, when Rome added it's latin translation to the original Greek and Hebrew texts, which, have layers of meaning within their own languages. My take is that any church who wants you to worry about someone not "saved", something that they feel they are equipped to do, is not really delving into the truths that Christ preached.
I would like to note that the scripture referenced, 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 has a specific context. That section, when read with the rest of chapter 7, discusses Paul's opinions on marriage. Apparently the church had asked him some questions (verse 1 "Now for the matters you wrote about...") When he gets to verse 12, he isn't writing to people who have been believers who are getting married, he is writing to people to became believers after they had been married. One person changed and the other didn't. I haven't indepthly studied this section, but from what I have studied, I don't feel comfortable applying it to a believer knowingly entering into a relationship with an unbeliever. God holds marriage to be a binding act, and the church in Corinth wondered about whether they should get married, what to do about divorce, and what to do when one party in a marriage turned to follow Christ but the other didn't. Paul's opinion was that the best option was to stay together, because "how do you know, husband/wife, whether you will save your wife/husband?", but he said that if the other spouse wanted to leave, as a believer, they were not required to keep that bond.... but that's all kinda off topic really. You're already married and wanting to be a better Christian, aka more like Jesus, so the verse applies to you at this time in your life.
As for encouragement to you, I'd say get yourself around a strong group of Jesus-loving and -following people to help you along. Grow in your understanding of God's love for you and for the world. Living life to follow the example Jesus set down isn't an easy thing. The tension between what we are used to doing & want to do and what we should be doing is a really obnoxious thing. I dislike living in that tension. But its what I'm to do. And what any believer is to do.
(To "sanctify" can mean either active dedication and service to God or the act of regarding or honoring as holy) The more sanctified (actively dedicating your life in service to God) you become, the more of His awesome love shows through you to those around you, including your hubby. With God as your center, your motivation, that which you strive for, all else falls into place. We have a loving God who knows every thing that will cross our path. Romans 8:28 says "For all things work for the good of those who love God and have been called according to His purpose." That whole section of Romans 8 expresses God's love and the way He works in our lives. For me at least, with that knowledge comes peace. If I am striving to do my best through His ability to make me do good, then I have a hope that since God knows what He is doing, He will take care of everything and it will ultimately turn out okay.
Since you can't force a conversion on anyone, be a loving representative of Jesus and God in your marriage and trust and let Him do the rest. <3 :)
If your religion means enough that you don't feel comfortable in the relationship, you probably never will. But if you love him, keep going. That's all I have to say.