I have always feared that my sometimes extreme cynicism denotes an utter lack of trust in God. Though I am made to thrive in God, prime to be forgiven, enabled to go do great things because my imperfections are a channel of Christ's perfect self, I always doubt. It's like the enemy is standing behind me with cue cards.
He knows the cracks in our foundation. We are tooling along, being beautifully strong men and women of God -- then something happens to stop us dead in our tracks. We are reminded of sin and our own sinful nature, and we somehow forget for a moment the great work of redemption in us. I don't know why it works this way, but it does.
For example, I am working on being kinder to people, more encouraging, more uplifting.
I get tired, let some sarcastic or negative thing slip, and then someone says something rude to me. And it all comes back -- the guilt, the frustration. The years of knowing how unkind my true nature is. There Satan is with his convenient cue cards. They say things like, "You are a worthless piece of crap." "You are a miserable excuse for a Christian." "Here is a list of all the rude things you can remember saying." "Everyone hates you." "Look at all the friends who have abandoned you. You weren't worth their time, and you sure aren't worth God's time if you can't even treat people any better." "You should just give up and go hibernate in your room like you always do".
And this kind of thing happens every day to every Christian around you. Satan lies to non-Christians, sure, but sometimes I feel he works much harder against the redeemed. The other ones already belong to him.
Or I gain a few pounds because of my steroids. Here comes depression. The lies are things like, "Who do you think you are? Only nice, young girls deserve to be smaller than a size 8. You are a complete waste of time. Your diet goals are complete vanity; you might as well just quit or go binge, or better yet go take out your anger on those around you. You will never be good enough or dedicated enough to do anything you want to do. Just die."
And a big, super personal one for me -- my relationships with men. Absolutely chock full
of lies and echos of the past. Where can I cling to but my future? What man can I really cling to but my Father in Heaven? God is my safety; He is all I have, and all I need. I won't even begin to list the lies here that Satan tells me about my relationships with men, for I think the post would get too long to read. The point is this: Satan lies to us and tries to keep us from progressing. He doesn't want us to look like Christ. He doesn't want us to become more godly, more trusting, more loving. When he sees we are, he lashes out. He wants to bring us death.
Don't let him, dear hearts. How do we fight? God fights for us. He's given us things to say. Here are some things I use to fight:
Lie: You will never love, you are too crazy and introverted and afraid to be normal.
Defense: For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Tim 1:7
Lie: God doesn't care about your pain and hurt. You are worthless to Him.
Defense: You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"
Lie: You will never marry. You are too screwed up to even want to. You are on your own because it's too trivial for God to care about your love or sex life.
Defense: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
This is why scripture reading and memory is so important. What else do we have to fight lies but with the truth? If you see me believing a lie, please help me find the truth of God's word. I must have stumbled on a good thing, because stress and anxiety and fear have rained down on me the past few days, guys. I am taking a stand, and I'm fighting. Blessed be the Lord God almighty, maker of heaven and earth.