Thursday, 07 April 2011
There have been many posts on Mancouch, Datingish and the like ridiculing post-pubescent male virgins. "Help my boyfriend is a virgin!" "How to get laid in four easy steps!" and "Why there is no such thing as a male virgin" are just a few of the titles littering the community.
Then there are the self-proclaimed sex-experts like Serenadante. They like to say that there is something wrong with those of us who aren't "getting any" and don't care to. Fox's Family Guy even made an episode making fun of guys like me, and there was the movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin.
Not only do I admit to not having had sex, I'm not even interested in having sex at this point in my life. When I say that, people really get offended. And I don't get why; it's my life isn't it? I can do with it what I want -- at least that's the argument they give to defend those who hop from bed to bed on a moment's notice.
Let me give a couple examples of what I deal with on a daily basis. A school official passes me a condom and I say, "No thanks, I don't need it." With a wink and a nod he responds, "You should carry it in your wallet just in case."
No! There is no "just in case." There is no "if." I simply will never need a condom. When and if I do eventually have sex, it will be with someone I can totally trust. We will be ready for a baby if that is our destiny.
Then there is the atheist who says, "What are you, some kind of fundy?" Not to knock atheism, especially not based on the misbehavior of two or three individuals, but just because one does not chose to live his life according to your morals, does not mean he's necessarily a fundamentalist.
Then there is my doctor. I recently switched from a pediatrician to a regular PCP, and when he asked me about my sexual history, he couldn't believe what I told him. He said, "You can tell me anything you like, but I do need to know the truth."
"I have told you the truth."
That's when he pulls out the condom. Why does everybody want to give me a condom?
Being an openly male virgin at my age and in this culture is like being openly gay in a southern Baptist church. We're ostracized and ridiculed every time we "out" ourselves.
Of course this all leads to the obvious question: why then be so open about my virginity? Think of it this way: how should you react to a gay guy being asked why he would want to be open about his sexual preferences in the face of ostracism and ridicule? Whatever answer you'd give him, I think I could give also.
This is why so many boys/men pretend to have experience when they do not. And most of the time that's what I see -- guys claiming they have experience they do not. But then, most of the guys I meet are teenagers.
Even here on Xanga where people are supposed to be such mature adults, I'm greeted with stupid statements like: "Are you gay?" "Wouldn't it pop?" "You are in desperate need of sex education." "Oh you'll meet the girl of your dreams and then you can't help yourself." Or the most offensive of all: "You're lying."
I think I'm perfectly able to control my own body thank you very much. And that statement is what I think people like Serena and Hector find so offensive. That people like me can control our bodies. That I'm proof that her power base is in danger should more people realize what I represent.
Think about it, if everyone took control of their bodies, their sex-drive and their life in general, then that would be the end of organizations like Playboy, Hustler and Planned Parenthood. That's why we so often say Christianity is freeing. Of course the so-called sex-experts say that's not freeing, but what it seems they really mean is that it's not freeing for them.
What are your thoughts on virginity in today's culture? Is there shame or pride in virginity? Should virgins -- Christians or otherwise -- be ostracized over their personal sexual choices?