Tuesday, 15 March 2011
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"Pray the Gay Away?" - My Take, Part 1
"He created us for something better." -- Alan Chambers, president of Exodus InternationalThere are certain causes/issues we feel more strongly about than others. For some it might be abortion, for others global warming, for others the validity/existence of Barack Obama's birth certificate. Well, for me, something that's been capturing my heart more and more is the issue of homosexuality and the Church. I'm big into Christian music, so I was especially impacted when Christian artists Ray Boltz and Jennifer Knapp came out as homosexuals and decided to pursue gay relationships while still claiming to pursue Christ.
Needless to say, when I heard former View co-host Lisa Ling would be covering homosexuality and faith for an episode of her new show on OWN, I couldn't wait to see it. Her Our America episode, "Pray the Gay Away?" recently went online, and you can watch the full episode here. This post will cover what I took away from the first half of the episode, regarding Christians who deny their same-sex attractions. My second-half review will deal with Christians who embrace their homosexuality; look for that second part to be posted in the coming days here on Revelife.
I admired Ling's curiosity to begin this journalistic undertaking. Her intrigue spanned the entire episode as she interviewed people on both sides of this divisive issue. Her question: can one be both gay and Christian? How is homosexuality reconciled among people of faith? Ling was on a mission to understand the varying beliefs of same-sex attracted Christians.
Ling began her quest with a visit to a conference orchestrated by Exodus International, an organization devoted to ministering "grace and truth to a world impacted by homosexuality." Contrary to what some may think, Exodus doesn't promise to erase unwanted same-sex attractions. Indeed, Exodus president Alan Chambers posed a daunting question and challenge to the conference attendees: "What if your feelings and attractions never change? Will you still serve God?"
An interview with Chambers revealed that he still struggles with same-sex attractions, despite his thirteen-year marriage to his wife. But I loved the point he made about temptation within his marriage: how are his own temptations any different from any other married man's? Sexual temptation is everywhere in today's culture, and it's something we all have to deal with, whether we're single or married. I'm reminded of those sobering lyrics, "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it."
I loved another point Chambers made when Ling asked if he felt he was "living a lie" amid his marriage to a woman. He responded that he was simply denying the minute-by-minute power his attractions once held over him, choosing to live his life through the filter of his faith rather than the filter of his sexuality. And when he did that, he says his sexuality did indeed start to change.
"That's not a lie; that's the truth," Chambers declared. Indeed, who is anyone to tell another his life is a lie? In my next post I'll elaborate on similar thoughts for a man on the flip-side of this issue.
In addition to speaking with Exodus International's president, Ling also interviewed two other Christians determined not to let homosexuality control their lives: a middle-aged black woman named Janet and a young man in his 20s named Christian. Janet boldly told Ling that she no longer wrestled with homosexual attractions; for Christian, this wasn't exactly the case. While he admitted being sexually attracted to women every once in a while, he plainly admitted being way more attracted to men -- creating a conflict equatable to "bleeding out of his eyeballs."
And yet still he chooses to deny his male attractions in pursuit of Christ. I teared up along with him when he described his first encounter with the "passionate presence of God." After seeing his tear-rimmed eyes, I could never be convinced there's not something Special rooted deep inside him, beckoning him to abandon himself for something far greater.
Ling's reaction to Christian fascinated me. While she noted it was hard to watch him repress and seemingly torment himself, she also seemed to admire his resoluteness to walk this path -- making the transition from the drag queen he once was to the man he feels God calling him to be.
I too admire this fellow brother in Christ. We all have our respective "thorn in the flesh," and I have so much admiration for people like Christian who pick up their crosses despite the pull of another path. My heart goes out to him and to the countless many who deal with this particular issue on a daily basis. May we all be more sensitive to this fiery issue and love our fellow man as Christ has loved us.
How aware have you been of Christians wrestling with their sexuality? Do you think the Church at large is aware enough? Do you know somebody of faith impacted by homosexuality? What can we do as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to help those who struggle? What types of things do you struggle with?
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Comments (94)
How aware have you been of Christians wrestling with their sexuality?
I've only recently become rather aware of this struggle (in Christian circles). A friend of a friend has struggled greatly with homosexuality. I've also heard of others. However, this one was "closer to home". He belives God is currently freeing him from this though. Do you think the Church at large is aware enough? Definitely not. Do you know somebody of faith impacted by homosexuality? The afforementioned friend of a friend. Although I don't know much about his faith in relation to homosexuality. I do know he was struggling with reconciling the two, though. What can we do as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to help those who struggle? Love them. Hate their sin. Steer them in the right direction. How? I'm not really sure... What types of things do you struggle with? Feelings of inadequacy. Fighting between legalism and complacency. Lust. Pride. Selfishness. Jealousy. Doubt... (ha, among others... - and it depends on the day for which of these is the strongest)
I watched this episode, too. This topic is very dear to me. I have many loved ones who are homosexual and it hurts me that many Christians can't or won't try to be more empathetic. My heart hurts for our homosexual brothers and sisters in Christ.
Regardless how any of us feel on the issue though, the word is clear. Homosexuality is a sin. However, in the face of it we Christians are called to love above anything else. We should be encouraging those who struggle with this to seek Christ and be there for them to talk to. We shouldn't judge or force anything.
After the episode Lisa Ling was on the Gayle King show talking about this issue. Someone wrote in and said that it's stupid to try to "pray the gay away" because you wouldn't "pray the straight away". That comment, among others, kind of got me angry. Yes, people do "pray the straight away", those people take on a vow of celibacy to serve Christ. It's not unheard of. If you are determined enough, you will do what you have to.
Excellent review...I am very intrigued to see what the second half will show.
Very interesting.
Nice review. I thought her program was much more fair and balanced than I was expecting coming from the Oprah network. She didn't talk to many people who come from my perspective that attraction change is rare (but does happen for some, at least in the form of developing some heterosexual attraction) and homosexual attraction may have a significant biological component for some people, but homosexual practice is still wrong. Ironically Alan Chambers was the closest to that perspective. But she had less than an hour, and I thought she was quite fair and balanced in what she covered.
I, too, certainly admire those who deny their homosexual attractions. I do that, although as someone with bisexual attractions it's relatively easy in that I am quite likely to end up in a heterosexual marriage. I really admire those who end up living single lives even when it's hard.
I tend to think the big problem in the conservative church is lack of awareness of those within our own ranks who struggle with this. That's why I've started becoming much more open in real life about my own struggles. I'm hoping to help set a precedent for thinking and talking about these things with respect to Christians who share my convictions but deal with same-sex attraction, and not just those outside the Church or theoretical moral questions.
Large churches lack the organization or are adamant in ignoring this situation, from my experience.
And I love the bias and outdated terminology they use in this show.
@ashleyannaka@xanga - I'm so glad your eyes have been opened to the reality of this issue among people of faith. It's only been a fairly short amount of time that I've been aware too. I pray you be an extreme source of comfort and love for anyone struggling with this, and that you can sensitively "spread the word," so to speak, so that the Church can gradually get a grip on this issue.
@merquryd@xanga - So refreshing to read "your heart hurts for your homosexual brothers and sisters in Christ." Much love and many blessings to you.
I watched a bit of this show and thought it was very well made and presented good insights into the plight of people dealing with homosexuality.
What I like about it is when one thing doesn't work they don't just shove them all out the door and tell them, "Good luck". It covers both sides whether they are able to overcome their sexual issues or not and that is respectable.
Thank you for sharing this. We have a family member who 2 years ago left her husband and children to be with the woman she is now with, while still claiming to be a christian. It is very difficult to know how to act, how to deal with the pain she caused and yet still love her like Christ does.
I like what the one man had to say, bc yes, everyone deals with temptation on a daily basis! We are just tempted in different ways. I may be more tempted to eat badly while someone might be more tempted to cheat on their wife or something, but we all face temptation. We have to be aware of it. I look at the world and how it is full of people who define themselves by things or define themselves by their sexuality, or define themselves in many other ways, but God sees us differently than what we or the world would define us as. I think that we miss what we were made for and made to be. We were made to trust God, we were made to follow Him, we were made to live a life of faith and devotion to Him. God is who should define us, not anything or anyone else. i really did find it interesting and really enjoyed this. as a christian in ministry it is a very real issue that people deal with. People deal with sexuality and temptations in sexuality, and if ANYONE has argued differently I will beg to differ! EVERYONE deals with it and we need to be able as a church to deal with all sorts of temptations that face people and be willing and have the know how to help! Many times churches shy away from this issue and ignore it, but with it being such a prevelent thing among all people we need to face it head on and not be afraid of the tough issues that come up and will come up! great story, i really enjoyed it, and it got me thinking!
I thought God loved everyone, not just straight people with good jobs and nice homes.
I think this is stupid. We are made the way we are made and if you are attracted to both sexes then that is perfectly fine. People who follow most religions get so dumb about sex and attraction, because "god" tells you it is wrong. God never said that. People who wrote it down said that. It is okay to be straight. It is okay to be gay, AND it is okay to be Bi. If people want to deny their attraction that is fine, but don't pray the gay away. You are who you are.
very interesting, can't wait for the other half, actually am waiting in anticipation!
Being gay is fine. Shut the fuck up. I'd rather be friends with a gay person than a christian any day. Fucking retarded.
@erotyka@xanga - Uh,,i totally agree with Erotyka and DraigStudio...
Ppl who claim that homosexuality is a sin, temptation and watsoever,,,will never realize that homosexuality is born in them,,not by choice..But they will never understand,,unless they are, themselves born as homosexual...
Btw,,Im gay, and Im a Christian, and always a Christian who believe in God...And no matter whatever ppl say about me,,of how God is gonna put me to death or hell,,,I will always believe that God loves me for who I am because he made me this way,,and no other way round...
to those who believe in praying the gay away, i have just one question...
can you pray the stupid away as well?
To all of you who commented negatively on this post I want to thank you for testing my patience this morning. I would also like to thank Tom for having enormous courage in writing this post and for revelife to choose this blog to post.
I believe same sex attraction is something not widely talked about in christian circles. These attractions are greatly misunderstood and the fact that people are so judgmental and rude breaks my heart. Instead of berating the blog for what it has to say, why don't we rejoyce in the courage it took to write it, weather we agree with what it says or not.
For those of you who are okay with gay marriage and want equality for all people, you are NOT setting a very good example of being open to other peoples beliefs by belittling a post like this one.
Well done Tom. I applaud your writing and courage!!
Being gay is a non-issue. Only religious people have an issue. Fine. Believe that it's wrong. But, to try to strip your fellow humans of their rights because you disagree with their lifestyle, which does NOT affect you nor anyone else for that matter, is ridiculous.
Live and let live. There's no such thing as a threat to the alleged "sanctity" of marriage. It's funny how many of the public advocates of that crap have been divorced several times. So much for "sanctity."
Praying won't really do anything, because what Christians have to realize is this god of yours must be okay with homosexuals since he allows them to live. Just because you're homophobic does not mean that this "Great Deity" of yours is. Grow up and realize the gays are here to stay, and I say Amen.
I once felt burdened to pray for someone who had admitted he struggled with same sex attraction. I prayed for him an hour a day for 6 months. He then met a woman, fell in love, and they are happily married.
God works in mysterious ways.
I also really got alot out of this episode. Really appreciated how fair it was and how it did not look down on people who choose not to act on their attractions because they feel its not what God wants.
Anyways great thoughts here bro! Looking forward to part 2!
@MattMad89@xanga - agree! I'm lesbian and I'm pretty sure God doesn't hate me, all the pamphlets that the crazy people give me say He doesn't have the ability to hate.
im bi and i believe in christ. i guess im a sinner. but arent we all? hahahahaha
i think we should stop making "sexuality" into a freaking issue. afterall thats an issue of the flesh and god dont give a daaaaaam about the flesh. love is spiritual or so i believe and doesnt god see the heart? if you love a person honestly and trully and are fulfilling gods wishes do you really think he cares weather this partner of yours is in a female or male body? . so instead of labeling "homesexuality" as a sin and making people struggle with it LETS MOVE ON and focus on beeing better people (:
Umm any God I'd believe in loves all as is. And being Gay is simply the way some are born, like... some have brown hair. It's nothing to be ashamed of and prayer has no impact on ones sexual orientation. It just doesn't...