Friday, 11 February 2011
Tonight I went to a church worship service with my sorority sister. I've been to a couple of their events/services before. It's completely different from the church I regularly attend. When I'm there, I feel a sense of a freedom, and it's so easy just to let my wall down and forget about everything else going on.
At the service, a girl my age, Bethany, was praying with me and telling me about how much God loves me. His heart breaks for me; He cries for me! When Bethany was praying with me, I kept feeling these chills and tingles on my back that made me twitch a bit. I believe that was God touching me. After Bethany walked away, a drop of water dripped on my face. It definitely wasn't my own tear, and I'm pretty sure no one spit on my face from a distance! It was God's tear. He cries for me! The Lord is always there for me: he offers me the best, but so often I turn away from it. God loves me and he pursues me! It breaks his heart when I reject him.
Like I mentioned, this church is very different from my regular one. I attend a Baptist church; this church is non-denominational, but I would say it's pretty close to a Pentecostal church. The pastor walked over and prayed with me. She knows I've only been there a few times and that I'm not too comfortable with everything quite yet. She prayed for me to just let my mind go and just soak up the Holy Spirit. As she prayed for the Spirit to consume me more, the more I felt like I couldn't control my legs and fell straight down on the pew. The presence of the Lord is so great, mighty, and huge! He is so powerful! I've always seen people collapsing in the presence of the of Lord, but I didn't think it would ever happen to me. Low and behold, I did. What a majestic Savior I have!
Tonight, I felt like the Lord really condemned me about how I hold back from Him. He wants all of me. I need to acknowledge him in all my ways.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not into thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord and depart from evil.
I am so stubborn but I don't know any ways but my own. I'm too set in my ways; it's hard for me to try others. I know it upsets God when I deny his ways- He showed me that tonight! He cries for me! I just don't know what it will take for me to really let myself go and to trust the Lord whole-heartedly.
When have you felt the Lord's presence? What did it feel like? Do you find yourself holding back from God? What can we do to be more trusting of God?