Saturday, 05 February 2011
By Bonnie at Faith BaristaHave you ever made assumptions about dating that God changed?
Once upon a time, when I was single, I actually believed I had the gift of singleness. It wasn’t because I preferred being alone and it also wasn’t because I didn’t want romance in my life.
I was 29 years old when I seriously entertained the possibility. Because despite my outgoing nature, I hadn’t found a single love connection in my many years of dating (or lack thereof).
The mere logic of my situation persuaded me to at least consider the idea: does God want me to be single?
As my 30th birthday approached, I decided to take a bold step. I wasn’t going to wait around to get blind sighted by my gift of singleness. I grabbed it from the shelf and wrote my name on it. I took up the Apostle Paul’s challenge to choose singleness as the preferred lifestyle of ministry.
Ha! I thought. Now, I’m safe. No uncertainty. I’ve got my goal. It’s Jesus and me.
Before you think I’m a saint, let me confess to you now. Singleness was an easier choice for me. I knew how to do single. I grew up in a single parent family and have always been independent. Having someone to love and to hold felt like a luxury. And well, in lieu of luxuries, I cherished the idea of adventure, as a free-floating agent.
My dear Pastor Rich put a dent in such simplistic daydreams.
“So, you got it all figured out, huh?” Pastor Rich leaned back in his creaky padded chair.
“Sure. There aren’t a lot of people who can embrace singleness.” I was confident. No one’s gonna convince me I’m in need of anyone.
Pastor Rich stares at me intently, a soft smile curling around his mouth.
I braced myself for the ol’ fatherly chat, date-some-nice-guy and don’t-be-so-picky. Here we go… I took an invisible breath, but kept calm and cool.
“Have you asked God what He thinks?”
He got me. I never did ask God. I just assumed that’s what He wanted.
I didn’t leave Pastor Rich’s office changed and repentant. I was still happier living with my plans and preconceptions about singleness, my desires and also God’s will for me.
Little did I know, three years later, I would run into someone who would change my mind about my gift of singleness. It took more faith for me to risk my status quo happiness, in exchange for a relational happiness that wasn’t guaranteed.
No one can say that God will definitely lead any of us to find our marriage partner, but no one can say He can’t either.A Star To Follow
Could I possibly find someone who could steal my heart, keep it safe and love me back?
Or will this desire — if I let it out — be so painfully unquenchable that I’ll want something I can never have?
God did not give me a definitive answer.
All I heard Him say was –
Open your heart and keep following me, Bonnie.
– if there is someone for you in this lifetime, you’ll find him here with me.
– if there is no other, trust that I’ll be that Someone for you in the end.
As the world crowds around us, plastering red hearts and chocolate dreams in our periphery, we can hang onto the One hope we have in God’s love for us: Jesus Himself.
I don’t know if you’re newly single or been on the single journey for a season.
One thing is for sure.
We travel the same road of faith — holding tightly to the only one who knows the future — even when everything else may be uncertain.
I learned a life-changing lesson in Pastor Rich’s office that day. As I wear my wedding ring today proudly, I remind myself to always go back and ask God what He thinks. Even when I think I’m 100% sure I’m right.
Because after all, I’ve been proven to be wrong, when I think I’m right.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
~ Isaiah 55:9
What were your assumptions about dating that God changed?