Saturday, 29 January 2011
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How Do You Raise a Child with Values in a Valueless World?
A great insightful post by my husband Dean:
All day today I have been pondering the struggles my wife and I will soon be facing as our young, little man begins to get out of the house and explore this world God has placed him on. I am not simply speaking of the skinned knees and possibility of broken bones or, God forbid, a broken heart when he gets older. I am talking about whether or not we are capable of shielding him from the evils of this world just long enough to allow him to grow up to be a good Christian man.
Honestly, Diana and I thought long and hard about whether or not we should even bring a child into this world that has fallen oh so far. Clearly, after plenty of discussion and prayer we decided that, if able, it wasn't an option to have kids. So after making the decision to have kids, what does one do? I understand that the Bible tells us to raise our children to have fear and admonition for The Lord. And that it is taught, in the parable of the prodigal son, that is possible for a child that has fallen to return to The Lord. However, how do we know we are doing a good job?
With today being a Wednesday, we are going to be eating dinner a little early (I made cheesy tomato and seafood etouffee) and making our way to midweek Bible class. I know that this is a good start to raising him the right way, but with the world out there as bad as it has become recently what are some of the other things we are going to end up doing? Should we forgo traditional school (even Christian/Private schools these days leave me with my jaw dropped when it comes to the behavior and actions of the children that attend) and home school instead? If that is the case, I am asking a lot from my wife, who I know at some point would love to put her nursing skills back to use. And if we do home school our children, how do we keep them involved in social activities and sports? What if my son wants to go to college to play baseball, this is extremely difficult if he doesn't play at a traditional high school. Or maybe this would be over-sheltering him and cause a type of "shell shock" when he gets older and actually sees the world for what it is. How, in this world of internet and cell phones and lingerie commercials during children's programming, do I keep him from seeing things he shouldn't be viewing? Even most kids movies these days are inappropriate (i.e. Shrek, Monster House, and etc.), including profane language and sexual innuendos. Its seems regardless of our efforts, short of moving to the forest and canceling all contact with the outside world, he is going to come in contact with these sins anyway.
What about when he is a teenager and 90% of the world around him is taking part in immoral sexual behavior, how do I make sure he knows the severity of possib
le punishments and regrets to indulge his human desires prior to marriage? I thought about following him around on all his dates and making sure he is never in a room alone with a girlfriend, but then I am failing to trust my son to make the right decisions? So I give him a little bit of slack in the rope, and like the typical teenager he chokes himself with it. Is it better to prevent the action completely or punish after the fact? Oh, but you might say if you raise him the right way, he won't make those mistakes, at least not the big ones. However, now we land right back at my first question: How do I know we are doing a good job and raising him the right way?Do parents ever get to stop worrying about these things? Do we ever receive some type of clue on what path to choose or what road to take? I don't know the answer to any of these questions but I do know that all is possible to those that believe in Him. So I keep praying and I keep hoping in the end I end up with a young man that I can love, trust, and more importantly respect.
JEESH, parenting is hard!
What do you think? As a parent or potential parent where do you fall on these questions? How do you know what to do to raise your children well? Do you have concerns about the world we live in?
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About the Author
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- From: forreal16ac@xanga
- About Me: A marine wife to my high school sweetheart (5.16.08), mommy to a sweet little boy (12.15.09), and striving every day to be the best to both.
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Comments (14)
Well yes, parenting is hard. But our jobs as parents are to prepare our children for the world out there, to help them make the right decisions, allow them to feel the consequences if they falter, to love them because they are who they are and accept them for their individuality. To shield and mold in your ideal of perfection sounds perhaps less threatening to a parent, but that is not part of God's design. Good luck in your journey. Know it is one frought with potholes, but that you are their to help change the tire. You might like to read my post from today. I don't pretend to be a perfect mother, nor do I pretend to have a "perfect" daughter. But isn't that the way it should be?
Oh dear...I just came back with an edit because I didn't directly answer your title question. I don't think we have a valueless world. They may be different than the ones your parents grew up with, but there are values. And every time you withness something that goes against the values you hold important, use is at a "teaching moment!" Jesus walked among sinners, as do we, and set an example of how to react with courage and love.
As a potential parent (I hope!) I worry about these things from time to time, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that I've lost faith in this world, or that it is valueless! That to me is a fairly cynical take on life itself~! I wouldn't want my kids to view the world that way at all!
I have all these concerns and then some! My son is only 2 but I worry so much of what the future holds in this world. Every day it seems more things become more ok. Promiscuity, premarital sex, drugs...these things aren't portrayed as bad things anymore and that scares me because I still see them as bad.
I don't know how to NOT worry about these things. So I'm with you there... My dad told me a parent never stops worrying.Good luck and God bless.
@nyfemme@xanga - @ultravioletskies08@xanga - I just want to clarify that my husband's original post does not say "valueless" world. But thank you for your input! http://forreal16ac.xanga.com/739895184/raising-a-child-in-todays-world/
@forreal16ac@xanga - I understand your need for clarity, but I don't find a difference in it other than the space of a word, thus I stand by my original assertion. Personally, I think the less focus you put upon the bad, the better. I'm DEFINITELY not saying ignore it (that's what really creates huge problems - and I think it's just as bad as abuse), but I just mean, teach them faith in the world as well as God, teach them love, and teach them reason. Everything else will fall into place. They'll have faith not to give up on others, the world, nor God; the love to see that there is much more to life than those big bad things, and the reason enough to possess that strong faith and love in the first place. Good luck~!
Pray, read the Bible. How does God say we should raise our children? The answer is in His Word. And only those who study His Word will show true success in this area.
i think it depends on what your values are. it's a little snotty of you to judge the world as valueless simply because YOUR personal values are no longer at the forefront. personally, i think society as it exists now is the best time for me to try to raise a child. why? because i want my kids to have values that are applicable and realistic... not just something based on the authority of tradition. i want my kids to fully understand why they should do and not do things... not just because Mommy and Daddy said so. i love that society has, from my view, stripped away false values that have no real benefit to humanity, values that only seem to survive on ignorance.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - good for you! I would go so far as to say that things haven't really changed all that much -- the things the author raises, including sex before marriage, extramarital sex, porn, stories of good vs evil (commericals, movies, and the actual war) --- were certainly around at the time of Jesus and well before, albeit in the form of books and plays!! Humans are humans, the only thing different is our technology. What kind of child would emerge if he were "sheltered" via home schooling, no TV and technology at all, and no exposure to the ethical questions real life event challenge us with every day? I sure wouldn't want to be that person. Sorry for rambling!!! your comment just got me thinking, lol!
@xhalesx - This is actually a very serious question, my hope is you take it as such. I've been on Xanga for a long time, but just started venturing to revelife. I am an Italian American Catholic. My brand of Catholicism seems to be very different than that which I see from some on Revelife. In Judaism, the "Conservative," and moreso the "Orthodox" branch of the faith immerses themselves in the Torah. That is the way of life: Study of the Torah, almost to the point of excluding all else. Which brand of Catholicism teaches emersion in the bible and reading the bible as way of life.
Glad to know you've put so much thought into your kids' future. We've raised 4 kids, and home schooled the 1st two for a few years (now, we have 2 in Catholic school and one in public school). The kids got a lot out of being home schooled and it was a good bonding time for the family; there wasn't an issue of being too sheltered -- the library helps here. TV: there are many good dvds like Veggie Tales, and some good tv channels like EWTN. Our world presents many challenges, but there is also great opportunity --- you can provide an environment to raise good kids... so the next generation is better than ours.
I'm not a Christian and sometimes I think about raising a child in a world like this. But what am I to say? My mother brought me into this world and I turned out totally fine. I think it has something to do with parenting and how parents raise their kids.
It is a struggle to raise kids today. It causes me to continually pray, study parenting and love my children.
Educate your child so they can make responsible decisions for themselves. Sheltering your child will only make them ignorant and more prone to harm.
You will do your child a great disservice if you shelter them so profoundly. The role of a parent is not to control, but to guide.
I have obtained a book titled "Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right" by a Christian author, Tim Kimmel. The book is written from a Christian perspective, that teaches from the Word of God. I personally believe that it is a blessing for those who care about the well being of children that the Lord has given us.