Thursday, 20 January 2011
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Losing My Religion: My Struggle With Faith and Sources of Hope
This may be so honest it scares people, and it may just scare me a little too, but I've never shied away from baring my soul here on Xanga, and I'm not about to start here. In the past two weeks, I have been asked very serious religious/God type questions by people I didn't expect, and at times that seemed out of the blue. I've been asked what I think about church and God, flat out what I believe about predestination, and being told of someone that lost their faith in God and wasn't sure what to do. Some extremely serious questions, some of the biggest there are, and I'm going to be honest, they scared me really bad.Sure I've tackled some huge issues, with a fire, I'm not even sure where it came from, here on Xanga, but I've been through a lot in the past year or two, and I have to say, the number one reason these questions scared me, was because I've been struggling with some of them myself. What can I tell someone, about an issue I'm not sure of myself? The most curious thing about this whole thing to me, is the timing of it. At least four people in last two weeks, have asked me different, "big questions" about religion and God. I can't help the feeling that God is telling me that I better get my facts down, because things are coming my way, and I better know what I'm talking about, what I believe, and why.
There was a time, maybe a year or two ago, that I nearly lost faith in God and everything that goes with that. There I said it, and don't think it wasn't difficult. I almost walked away completely. Sure I still went to church to make my family happy, but I had become so numb, so dissociated, that I was almost in a haze, during a church service. It all kind of went downhill, when I began seeing the inner workings of the "church" and how "God's People" were treating those not considered "His". I won't bore you with details, but it was a very dark gaze I took, into the realities of religion. If you remember back then, I started posting here, things like "God has no part in religion" and some other things, trying to get to the bottom of the blatant corruption that had overtaken the church.
I almost gave up on everything, including God, but there were a couple things that got me through.
1. Separating Religion from God
It's true, religion had to get tossed out completely, for me to keep my faith in God. I had to fully realize that religion was completely fabricated by men, AFTER Jesus had already come. God/Jesus did establish the "church" when he was here, but religion was established by a bunch of power hungry, Hitlers(no offense to religious people). Then, like bratty 8 year olds, they began breaking apart, because they couldn't agree on "What God said"(in other words, what they wanted to push onto people). Religion has created this net, to catch those who believe in God, by making them believe that they have to join a religion, and it's what "God wants". God set up the church, which is in the most basic definition, a group of people that believe and follow God/Jesus' teachings. Somehow we need to break that definition, away from the definition that people think when they hear the word church(a building with a cross on the top, where a bunch of snobby elitists meet to look holy). By separating the two I was able to realize a few things. I believed in God with all my heart and nothing could change that, I was part of the church(the body of people that believe in God and follow what he says), and lastly, that I was loved by God and all of his "true" followers, even if they were hard to find.
2. God is Real to Me
I know I know, we could debate all day about the flying spaghetti monster and how God can't be proven, and I acknowledge those things in kindness, but I can't deny, or explain to anyone, the fact that God is real to me. Have all the debates you want, dismiss even the possibility of God's existence, but you won't prove it to yourself, guaranteed, unless you have a little faith, and meet God personally. The idea of God, is an extremely personal matter, and I know a lot of religions will MAKE people meet God, but nothing works, but to encourage people to have a personal encounter with the God of the universe. Period. There's nothing else I can say to prove Him to you, but to meet him yourself.
3. Those that Remain
I did meet, throughout these dark days, a few rays of hope. Those people that made me think that God did have people that were honestly trying to do what he actually said, instead of the rules that religions had laid out for everyone. I had some extensive discussions with one guy, and still do to this day, about the kind of church, I've only dreamed of. The one where anyone could come as they were and feel welcomed, where we actually read the Bible and followed what Jesus said, where love was the predominate feature of a world were love has been lost. JG and a handful of others, without even knowing it, brought me back from my christian suicide, and for that I am so very grateful. Be sure to always keep people that bring you hope close, because you never know when you'll really need them.
For those who are offended with what I said about religion, read the Gospels and pay very close attention to what Jesus actually said, and then compare that back to the church. You'll be surprised I promise. For those that want to ask me questions, feel free, I've never claimed to know all the answers and God knows I'm not even close, but I've always made I silent promise to anyone I met, that I would be as open and honest, as I possibly could, and would try to help them, in the best way I knew how. Lastly, for all you struggling with the same issues I am remember this. Don't lose heart, never stop searching, and don't give up on the one that's never given up on anyone in all of time, He'll see you through.
Have you ever gotten closing to losing all hope and faith? What were the things that kept you from losing it all?
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- From: Simbathe2nd@xanga
- Name: Dan
- About Me: If you don't know me come on over. If you do know me than this is pointless. Right?
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Comments (23)
I not only got close, I did lose all hope and faith "in the church".
What got me through is that I refused to let go of my lord and savior.
My faith in Jesus just grew stronger, Even though I honestly tried to
get rid of it.
I agree with your intire post.
If you truly want to know Jesus you need to dump religion.
I lost my faith 4 years ago and have been struggling to maintain what I had before I lost it. The world looked like a baffled science in my eyes - it was truly miserable. What got me throught it? Recognizing true miracles God gave me throughout my life... Some things that happened to me were impossible by logical, wordly explanations. Therefore, I have faith. Thank you for sharing your journey. Be Blessed...
I stopped having faith in a god years ago, but I've never lost hope.
Amen.
I just came back from philosophy and it amazed me how few people actually think things through. I'm not talking about religious people, but also those who think science and faith contradict each other. No one was able to justify why we can rely on the scientific method even though they believed in it. The arguments for God's existence were really weak too.
Plus, no one was willing to address that we don't know all the answers, regardless of whether the source of knowledge came from science or faith. So many of us are caught up in our pride that we aren't willing to admit that we are all still learning.
You can't find God by getting rid of His Church. The gnostics tried to find the God behind the God thru their secret knowledge, like the way we might pull open a curtain to see what lies behind. We need the Church.
@monobeam@xanga - You say we cant find GOD by getting rid of His Church.
Tell me then, Who
What
When
Were
And/Or
Why is His Church.
I believe myself, (You dont have to) that the organized, Denominational,
Theological, Constructed, Religious church of today is the false church
spoke of in the bible and needs to be shed in order to truly know GOD.
Actualy no mater if its church as you believe or church as I believe
makes no difference, If it prevents you from following GOD the way
GOD specified then it is the false church and needs to be dumped.
Do not believe what I believe, Do not Believe what your parents, preacher, church
has taught you to believe.
Open His word the Bible and read it for yourself, Then you decide.
You spend your whole life teaching your children that when a stranger comes
and tells them that you told them to come get them for you that your children
are not to go with or believe that person without receiving that word personaly from you.
Why would you do any differently with GOD.
What kind of example are you giving them when you do exactly what you told them
not to do.
Just because these organizations, buildings, theologys, preachers, ect tell you
that GOD (your Father) sent them to lead you to him does not mean its true.
Open His word and get that straight from him first before you believe.
Also contrary to what you stated, We Do Not Need The Church.
The Church did not die for our sins.
The Church can not forgive our sins.
The Church is not the way to GOD
Jesus said No One Comes To the Father Except Through Me.
He Did Not Say
No One Comes To the Father Except Thropugh The Church.
I can not and will not tell you that I have the truth, I will however tell you
that the only place you will find the truth is in His Word and the only
way you can do that is by reading it yourself.
I didn't know what hope was until I lost my faith completely.
I've never understood the concept of a struggle when it comes to faith. I think that anyone who genuinely calls him/herself a truthseeker has to be fearless in doing so and doesn't struggle to believe in anything. If you have a reason to believe or disbelieve something, do so, and leave whatever may happen to comfort you behind.
If you needed the church to find GOD then
GOD sent his son to die for no reason.
If the church is needed to get to GOD
then Jesus is just a big waste of time, and
his death accomplished nothing, He is nothing.
I dont know about you all but all I need to
find GOD is Jesus.
Believe what you will but my faith and loyalty belongs
to my King, Jesus.
God is always there. The people in the church are only human, but God is there when you aren't. What those who stray from God can really relate to is the Prodigal Son. GREAT story. I suggest you read that again.
i just want to repeat what someone else said, because it hit home for me...
"I didn't know what hope was until I lost my faith completely."
when i was Christian, i had nothing to look forward to. i hated my life but was taught it was the life God wanted for me, and that it was impossible to change anything or do anything He didn't already know about and approve of.
Your doubts about religion have to do with your particular denomination, not Christianity or religion in general.
I'm Catholic for example. We are routinely pilloried by other Christian denominations.
Our faith is particular. That is you have to believe certain things to be Catholic. But Catholicism is quite clear about the unity of the family of man and that God's love is unconditional.
Also, filling up your day with just being grateful will usually set a foundation for meeting doubt and questions that are normal parts of spiritual growth; and for enjoying Sunday worship.
@When_We_Were_Both_Cats@xanga - "Why is His Church."
His Church is because we need it, because the Father Send the Son for us, to seek us out because we do not seek God out. The Church is the way, God's way, not mine, not the Pope's, God's. Sure, imperfect people are in it, and have authority over the flock, but we are all gathered around, circled around, one leader, and that Person is Jesus. Sure, there are many priests, but there is only one Priest; many Masses ("do this in remembrance of me"), and yet one Mass; individuals, yet a communion of believers.
Individuals with no Church following Jesus do not make a communion of believers...
I enjoyed reading your post...you actually discuss many things that Christians experience...Faith is difficult, sometimes we may think that it would be easier to just give up, and live a life that is the most pleasing to us, without feeling accountable to God, and/or condemned. When I would go to church there were people who went through great trials and tribulations, and although I would be glad that they were still giving praise and thanksgiving to God, I would be in amazement of how they still stood firm in Christ especially when everything appeared to be "falling apart", but as I grew as a Christian I realized that we are not immune to those trials and tribualtions, and that being a Christian also meant that we would not always have a comfortable, and easy life. We will experience things that may lead us to question our love, and Faith. but I appreciate what you said " Don't lose heart, never stop searching, and don't give up on the one that's never given up on anyone in all of time, He'll see you through". ...I know that is easier said than done, but it truly comes with total dependence on God, and knowing that with a mustard seed of faith He will send The Comforter (His Spirit) even in the very nick of time...God Bless
I love your testimony. Very beautiful. And you speak a lot of truth. I've had my fair share of disagreements with "the church" (being raised in church especially). The greed of the church heads, annoying church politics, rules up to my eyebrows about things that have little or no relevance to the truth (as I later found out), and the judgement if sed rules werent followed. Actually, I've been the main source of gossip over something false and even had some of what I like to call "gossip prayers" ("prayer requests" said to spred gossip rather than prayer. ex: "oh did you hear so-andso did this-and-that? It's terrible she's definitley backsliding we should pray for her").
But, despite all of these things I found that the answer is not turning *away* from the church but rather sift through until you find the good stuff. When that gossip was going around about me, i didnt stop going. Why? Because I wasnt there to please people. I was there because I loved to worship, learn, and hear Gods word. I like what's taught there and I was not about to let peoples opinions of me stop me from hearing it (and continuing to go has helped me learn enough to answer a few "big questions").
What many often forget is that Gods church isnt a building it's a body. Going into a church every Sunday doesn't make you a christian or a part of Gods church. "Its not a religion, its a relationship" All people who have relationship and love and faith shared with Him. That's His church, His bride. My favorite thing my grandma says "theres only one thing wrong with churches, they're made up of people". And because of that fact, no matter what church you go to, you'll find something wrong with it. So instead of turing away, find a church you feel God wants you to be at and try your best to contribute make it that dream church you spoke of. You'll never know until you try.
God bless you my brother
I've completely lost all faith and hope in religion in general. I was raised in a protestant christian family and was pretty much forced to believe in "god" and "religion." But after being taken away from my birth mom at the age of 2, never knowing who my birth father was, remaining in foster care for 5 years before being adopted, dealing with my adoptive dad passing away a few short years later, becoming depressed, dealing with an eating disorder, dealing with a hateful adoptive mom in my short 17 years of life, and praying to "god" for my life to get better, I finally turned my back on the church because they had already turned their back on me. I just can't fathom why there would be a "god" that would allow that many bad things to happen to one person before they even reach adulthood. And to think that my life hasn't even been that bad compared to the lives of others. So tell me, what kind of "god" would allow the horrible things that go on in the world today to keep happening? Why should most of us have to go through pain everyday of our lives, yet put a smile on our face to keep people from noticing. I would bet my life that if everybody actually showed how they were feeling for just one day, we would see how many people who seem happy on the outside, are secretly hurting on the inside. So, yes, I may have lost all faith and hope in religion and this "god" that everybody keeps talking about, but ask yourself this. Why do you believe there is a god? Why do you believe in the religion you believe in?
What I've been taught is that it's not about religion, it's about a relationship with Christ....unfortunately a lot of people don't see that.
I discovered what the true church is like when I went to a nondenominational house church consistently last year. We would sing while everyone arrived, and then have a Bible study/discussion that usually taught me something new from the Bible that made perfect sense. We would then go around the circle and say what we needed prayer for, and a couple of people would pray for each person.
There weren't very many of us, and none of us were perfect. We didn't even try to be. Some wore jeans, and nobody cared. The focus wasn't on us, it was on Jesus. We were like family, and we cared about one another deeply. We still do! I became extremely close with an older lady and a few others, and I'm still in contact with them and we pray for each other. The house church disbanded eventually because more and more people were going with their families to other churches and it just seemed like it had served the purpose God wanted for it, and it was time. But I have very fond memories of that supportive family. It was what church is supposed to be like, I think. It brought me closer to God. It wasn't about the religion or stingy do's and don'ts... if we love God, we will obey what He tells us to do, nothing else.
The question of god and religion is a trivial. No one can prove or disprove this. But looking around and studying the universe can give one a conviction about where to stand!
Did you miss the part in the bible where God commands you to be part of a Congregation? God created the church to help you get to know him more.To grow, the only Purpose in life of a real Christian is to glorify him with your life in everything you do.I agree that almost everyone now days is just playing religious, but it's all in the bible. Just gotta read it. And it's also hard to find a good church these days that is not legalisticin its foundation on God's word. God is a relational being, and the decision to fallow him means to give him your life. In return he saves you from eternal damnation. You really want to know what Christianity is all about, read books, read the bible, Ask questions until you get adequate answers. I personally have my answers, they make all the logical sense to me. And I for the time being am rejecting them, because I'm addicted to my life.
Hi Simbathe2nd and others with similar feelings on Church matter and struggling with Church vs the teaching of the Bible. Although I am an agnostic, and currently investigating heavily into all matters of faith, I feel truths in what you said in regards to faith and religions.
Also, I would recommend you check out Jehovah Witness (jw.org) for similar sentiments and feelings, especial point three in your posts. I am not a member myself but have friends and know a little of their fundamental belief (i.e. follow the teaching of the bible and not man-made doctrines). Maybe you'll find comforts and strengths and like-minded Christians like yourself for supports. Best wishes to you Simba :)
- VQL
i struggle with religion, i never had religion when i was growing up. I was very rebelious and wild, i had a friend recently introduce me to religion, she didnt do it in a very good way we were talking about the end of the world and she told dont worry before the end of the world your kids will go poof! I kinda freaked out granted she had missenterpreted somethings but thats what got my started. I have been trying to have complete faith for a few years but even though i never had religion but i always had it in the back of my head that god was not harsh that there was no either you bow down to me or i send u to hell. i always seen it as people with good ententions good hearts you know didnt go to church every sunday they cuss live normal lives but believed in god wouldnt be sent to hell. but now that im trying to find myself and my relationship with god i pay attention to life more and see things different theres one particular story that has me questioning faith. If you are and adult an sin your punished and so on and people are made to make there own decisions and choose what they want. But a story i seen its called Baby Briana is one of the biggest reasons i question faith for the simple reason of something like that should never happen. sure people make there own decisions adults sin and make mistakes sometimes things like that happen to adults but they know god they know they must go through hardship to finally meet god but baby briana wasnt even a year old. I struggle with religion because i cant seem to understand why god would let that happen a child is innocent it knows no wrong it knows no good or bad a child that small has never sinned never lied cheated stole so for the life of me i cant understand why god would not have taken that precious baby girl before she endured all that she did.... this is why i struggle is that reason that kind of situation should never happen and i dont know how to move past it. (baby briana the news story is on you tube if you dont know what im talking about look it up and maybe you can help me because i just dont understand) I am only 19 and im very confused ive made alot of mistakes and im trying to right my life but im stuck
I have to disagree with you on #
1, all organized religion (mainly the catholic faith) is formed strictly from divine tradition through the Bible. The only true deviations from said divine tradition would be the other sects who believed that tradition was rubbish (i.e. Martin Luther). However, there is no scripture without tradition and there is not tradition without scripture. There were no such "
power hungry Hitlers" making stuff up on the spot, that's just plain wrong. Otherwise very insightful article : )