Thursday, 20 January 2011
This may be so honest it scares people, and it may just scare me a little too, but I've never shied away from baring my soul here on Xanga, and I'm not about to start here. In the past two weeks, I have been asked very serious religious/God type questions by people I didn't expect, and at times that seemed out of the blue. I've been asked what I think about church and God, flat out what I believe about predestination, and being told of someone that lost their faith in God and wasn't sure what to do. Some extremely serious questions, some of the biggest there are, and I'm going to be honest, they scared me really bad.
Sure I've tackled some huge issues, with a fire, I'm not even sure where it came from, here on Xanga, but I've been through a lot in the past year or two, and I have to say, the number one reason these questions scared me, was because I've been struggling with some of them myself. What can I tell someone, about an issue I'm not sure of myself? The most curious thing about this whole thing to me, is the timing of it. At least four people in last two weeks, have asked me different, "big questions" about religion and God. I can't help the feeling that God is telling me that I better get my facts down, because things are coming my way, and I better know what I'm talking about, what I believe, and why.
There was a time, maybe a year or two ago, that I nearly lost faith in God and everything that goes with that. There I said it, and don't think it wasn't difficult. I almost walked away completely. Sure I still went to church to make my family happy, but I had become so numb, so dissociated, that I was almost in a haze, during a church service. It all kind of went downhill, when I began seeing the inner workings of the "church" and how "God's People" were treating those not considered "His". I won't bore you with details, but it was a very dark gaze I took, into the realities of religion. If you remember back then, I started posting here, things like "God has no part in religion" and some other things, trying to get to the bottom of the blatant corruption that had overtaken the church.
I almost gave up on everything, including God, but there were a couple things that got me through.
1. Separating Religion from God
It's true, religion had to get tossed out completely, for me to keep my faith in God. I had to fully realize that religion was completely fabricated by men, AFTER Jesus had already come. God/Jesus did establish the "church" when he was here, but religion was established by a bunch of power hungry, Hitlers(no offense to religious people). Then, like bratty 8 year olds, they began breaking apart, because they couldn't agree on "What God said"(in other words, what they wanted to push onto people). Religion has created this net, to catch those who believe in God, by making them believe that they have to join a religion, and it's what "God wants". God set up the church, which is in the most basic definition, a group of people that believe and follow God/Jesus' teachings. Somehow we need to break that definition, away from the definition that people think when they hear the word church(a building with a cross on the top, where a bunch of snobby elitists meet to look holy). By separating the two I was able to realize a few things. I believed in God with all my heart and nothing could change that, I was part of the church(the body of people that believe in God and follow what he says), and lastly, that I was loved by God and all of his "true" followers, even if they were hard to find.
2. God is Real to Me
I know I know, we could debate all day about the flying spaghetti monster and how God can't be proven, and I acknowledge those things in kindness, but I can't deny, or explain to anyone, the fact that God is real to me. Have all the debates you want, dismiss even the possibility of God's existence, but you won't prove it to yourself, guaranteed, unless you have a little faith, and meet God personally. The idea of God, is an extremely personal matter, and I know a lot of religions will MAKE people meet God, but nothing works, but to encourage people to have a personal encounter with the God of the universe. Period. There's nothing else I can say to prove Him to you, but to meet him yourself.
3. Those that Remain
I did meet, throughout these dark days, a few rays of hope. Those people that made me think that God did have people that were honestly trying to do what he actually said, instead of the rules that religions had laid out for everyone. I had some extensive discussions with one guy, and still do to this day, about the kind of church, I've only dreamed of. The one where anyone could come as they were and feel welcomed, where we actually read the Bible and followed what Jesus said, where love was the predominate feature of a world were love has been lost. JG and a handful of others, without even knowing it, brought me back from my christian suicide, and for that I am so very grateful. Be sure to always keep people that bring you hope close, because you never know when you'll really need them.
For those who are offended with what I said about religion, read the Gospels and pay very close attention to what Jesus actually said, and then compare that back to the church. You'll be surprised I promise. For those that want to ask me questions, feel free, I've never claimed to know all the answers and God knows I'm not even close, but I've always made I silent promise to anyone I met, that I would be as open and honest, as I possibly could, and would try to help them, in the best way I knew how. Lastly, for all you struggling with the same issues I am remember this. Don't lose heart, never stop searching, and don't give up on the one that's never given up on anyone in all of time, He'll see you through.
Have you ever gotten closing to losing all hope and faith? What were the things that kept you from losing it all?