Wednesday, 19 January 2011
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Growing Closer to God -- and Farther from Old Friends
As I have been guided closer to the Christian path, I have noticed a struggle with friendships. While my friendships with the ladies of my church and my Christian mentor have grown stronger, my friendships from childhood seem to lack something.I have recently found a strange sense of discomfort around the friends who are my age that are not on the Christian path. It is not as if I want to invite my friends over for a quiet night, sitting cross-legged in a circle, holding hands and singing Kumbaya. I could just do away with some of the empty values that surround me enough in our society.
For some reason, I thought my values and morals were sprouting from my age, experience, and I will dare say, maturity. If that is the case, I would have to argue that my friends who are the same age have had similar experiences and, well, should be mature.
Could it be that I am changing because I have a Christian path that is getting strengthened daily by the Lord? Does God want me to spread His word to my friends who lack a Christian path? Well, of course; how silly of me. Perhaps we have not shared as many experiences as I had thought.
The truth is I do not feel the urge to convert my friends to Christianity; I speak openly about my path and hope they hear it. I am not sure if this makes me guilty of my own situation or not.
Sometimes I am unsure of what to do or how to react. Sometimes I just smile and nod. Evidently, it has become an instinct to appear shocked at an unnecessary swear word. I thought all of this came with age, but I feel my experience is proving me wrong.
Did you struggle with old friendships early on your Christian path? Have any of you found yourself in a similar situation?
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About the Author
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- From: ecstatic_tranquility@xanga
- About Me: I have learned that I want to follow the Lord with all my heart, daily, with every moment.
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Comments (9)
i have to say, i'm on the other end of this. out of my high school friends, i'm probably the only one who ISN'T Christian. they never make any open attempts to convert me, but they seem to perpetually judge me, so i try to avoid them like the plague. why surround yourself with such people? life is too short, and your friends are one of the few things in your life you have 100% control over.
To the author: I struggle with my old friendships too, but it's not so much because they aren't Christian. The main problem is that so many people are either preoccupied with worldly things or don't have the time to commit to a deeper friendship. When we truly follow Christ, God does change us dramatically. However, when we change and others don't, drifting becomes inevitable. I hadn't transitioned to a supportive Christian network before my old friendships broke apart, but I'm thankful to God that things worked out this way.
You know it's really cool that you wrote this because it wasn't my friends I was nervous to be around or who I feel have been struggling, I felt it was my relationship with my fiance. I've changed so much because my relationship with God has gotten stronger and now finally my fiance sees what I have and wants the same feeling. It is hard as we get older and sometimes our childhood friendships seem to dwindle and it could be because we are finding a new relationship that is different, stronger and deeper than our friend's relationships and I've struggled with telling my fiance how I've grown closer to God and to me my fiance is a friend and it's really hard to really know what to do in a situation involving God, you and your friends or your significant other. All I say is to pray about it and see where the Lord leads you. You should be able to speak freely and not convert your friends, but I've learned that even just being you can redirect you to your childhood friends. This may be off topic a little on what you were saying but I felt like what you were saying goes along with your other relationships and yes like you said maturing. Don't convert them, just be yourself and the way you act can go a lot further than talking about it.
I've been thinking about this myself. I also feel that some of my not-Christian friends are turned off by my newer beliefs. Not only is it just new interests and new life, but I feel like there's this stigma which I've entered into. "He's a Christian now... Christians believe in fairy tales and are judgmental and stuff!". Oh well. I really want to be friends with all my old friends. They were some of the greatest friends.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - that is horrible. I really wish your friends did not do that to you. I know you had a hard time with discovering your path, so it would have been nice for you to have been accepted amongst friends. The more you comment, the more I can recognize why you have been completely turned off by religion (or even Christian in general) I will talk about it, when we are talking about our lives, etc... but, I don't get into what I talk about on here - NO WAY! I have to admit, when I lost my faith and went to her about it (not knowing she was atheist) she told me that she felt badly because I was on this "Christian path doing better things." I never even knew she became an atheist (or agnostic, I'm not sure which)... I did tell her recently that I was back on the Christian path because I was happier this way, but that was the extent of it. (I know you an I discussed this before/leading happier lives, etc). But, it's more like talking about a bookclub when I do talk about it amongst friends. :-p
@Azn_Shenobi - thank you for yor comment. Often times, I hear that I should break ties - especially to friends that make me upset. I do not get upset that they are not Christian - you are correct. Some are Christian and just make horrible mistakes. I won't get into details, but one in particular makes decisions that influences the health of others... it's just wrong to me.. and when I voice my opinion, she just gets angry at me for having an opinion at all. I appreciate you sharing your input - as I love hearing from others and their journey. Be blessed...
@christianjewel - Yes, definitely, thank you for sharing this. My boyfriend is not on a Christian path - I think he is still learning about what path he wants to take - but it was important for me to make him see my path. Sometimes he'll poke fun at me, like when he comes home and there is Christian music playing... but recently, he has become interested. I listen to a Christian radio station, and he's getting pulled into some of their topics. The Christian path is kind of fun when you are learning new things... but it's more fun when you get to enjoy it with someone. Your comment was completely relevant and I thank you for sharing. Half the reason I like to submit my blogs is because I love hearing other's stories. Thank you for sharing your path. Be blessed...
@nodnarbassoon@xanga - I think sometimes the "depth" I feel on the Christian path is when it turns into, "silly her." So, I only talk about that with my friends on a Christian path (who all happen to be very much older than me by about 30 years). :-p After reading comments, I was actually enlightened to more of my own thoughts - HA! It really is the moral of my friends that make me uncomfortable... and that being on the Christian path, I try my best not to judge, but I am truly just hurting about things my friends do. I don't think they are getting damned to hell, or the "crazy Christian" thoughts (if that makes sense)... I just always wish they would cherish and respect their life more. Does that make any sense? Be blessed on your Christian path...
@ecstatic_tranquility@xanga - well, to be fair, i tend to overdramatize :) i think some of them are judgmental by nature, and their religious beliefs just make them feel justified in it. and, because of their beliefs, we just have very little in common. i'm more liberal, more interested in going out or drinking, less interested in the marriage talk they all seem wrapped up in. the religion just adds a level of discomfort.
i think the bottom line is, you shouldn't try to hold onto friendships just for the sake of a past you might share. your friends should be relevant to your life as it is now. and it's up to you to figure out that criteria. for you, it may come down to being a Christian. for me, it's more or less come down to being more interested in low-key things (i'm broke so expensive bars and dinners are out of the question). i don't think any criteria is better or worse than others... it's all relevant. you just need to be honest with yourself. and them, if the situation calls for it.
the better question is: do you believe you would still feel distant from your friends if you weren't Christian? not that your morals would change... i know plenty of non-Christians with Christian-esque morals.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - what?! you are making me think?! haha. It's more of their outlook on their morals that upsets me. There are particular things that truly upset me. Some justify horrible lies that can affect others for a lifetime. I don't like the idea of that, but it's the part of me being Christian, that makes me uncomfortable with it - does that even make sense? I guess another example could be that I'm maid of honor for one of my "best friends." Of course, I am throwing her a bachelorette party and I will be the only one not drinking. Granted, I don't NOT drink because I'm Christian, I don't drink because someone in my life has a drinking problem, so I support that person by not drinking, too. But, I don't like telling people that, so, I'm selfishly uncomfortable with people thinking I don't drink because I'm Christian (and then I also get uncomfortable when people think that I think I am better than them because of it). I guess it's a multi-level, or even seperate-account discomfort. :-p
You prove a good point, though - religion or not, one should surround themselves with people who are currently a good fit. I am not sure if I stay friends with them out of length of time, or because of their good qualities - it's not as if they don't have those. :) I'm trying to answer these questions - I'm still unsure what exactly makes me uncomfortable around some of my friends. And I'm wondering if it is my Christian path that's turning me off of some of them or maybe it is just "the drift."
@ecstatic_tranquility@xanga - i think drift has a lot to do with it. my high school friends and i had one thing in common: high school. after that, though, it was very difficult to stay friends with some of them because it felt like i had nothing to say to them. i'm sure it's partly jealousy... but out of them, i'm the only one still living at home because i can't yet afford rent. i also don't have a nifty full-time job related to my degree, a husband, or kids. when it seems like that's all their lives revolve around now, i have nothing in common with them.
i think the trick is that, when it comes to such things, your reasons for whatever you do (not drinking, for example) shouldn't really have anything to do with generalizing the negatives. some of my married friends can only express their happiness in that state by talking about how horrible it is to be single... not just for them, but for everyone on the planet. that makes it difficult to be around them. that kind of attitude is just a turn off for me... whether it's going vegan, going organic, abstaining from sex until marriage, abstaining from alcohol or drugs, etc. i see a lot of people support their decision by bashing the other side.
it makes sense that certain things make you uncomfortable because of your religion, but i'm just wondering how much credit you can give it. if as an agnostic you'd suddenly be okay with things that really have nothing to do with religion, i just wonder how much you really are against something. i've gone from Protestant to Wiccan to atheist to Catholic to deist to agnostic, but my overall morals have never really changed.
Running with the winners is important!