Monday, 13 December 2010

  • I Think I'm Bisexual

    I'm 18 and a Christian. I have a great boyfriend and plan to get married someday. Lately I've encountered a big issue that has grown over the past few months: I been questioning my sexual orientation.

    I don't know what's going on but for some reason in the past year, I've found myself a bit attracted to females and developing small crushes on them. I didn't realize what was going on until I had a full-blown crush on one of my girl friends. It happened so slowly that I didn't realize it until the truth shocked me! I'd been in denial for so long because I hoped it would go away. Despite the overwhelming support I would get if I conformed to society's standards of what is acceptable, I simply cannot accept living a gay lifestyle. I have nothing against gay people and have had gay friends I've loved, but it's not what I want for myself.

    A part of me, however, wonders if I really am bi or if my sexual feelings are just so strong right now that they're free floating. I know there's no way to put a percentage on it, but I'm probably 20% as attracted to women as I am to men. I don't like it and, much to the chagrin of society, I can't embrace it. I'm not sure what has made me this way recently. The feelings aren't extremely strong, and the idea of kissing a female or even holding hands with one in a sexual way is unappealing. What does this mean? Is this more common in straight women than I think?

    If I am bi, then it's just the way God made me. There's no sin in having those feelings, but I refuse to act on them. I only want a relationship with a man.

    Are there any of you who have an attraction to both sexes but choose to live a straight lifestyle? Has anyone gone through a similar confusion?

Comments (68)

  • GettingClosertoFine@xanga

    Wait, you lost me. What makes you think you are attracted to girls if the idea of sexually being one is unattractive to you? Is it just an emotional attraction, because that doesn't make you bi*sexual*...

  • MagisterTom@xanga
    "If I am bi, then it's just the way God made me. There's no sin in having those feelings, but I refuse to act on them. I only want a relationship with a man."

    There isn't sin in the feelings. Dwelling on them, fantasizing on them, and acting on them are sin.
    From all that I've read and heard from people who have seriously studied the subject I believe it is a psychological issue, not genetic. So, God didn't make you bisexual; if anything culture, life experiences and your reaction to them, whether conscious or sub-conscious leads to it. It seems the things that tend to have the biggest impact is relationship with parents, and having been abused in some way.


    Based on you saying you want a relationship with a man, and not a woman, I don't think you are bisexual.
    Don't compare yourself to other women, instead look at yourself through God's eyes and what He has said in Scripture. Oh, and find a more mature Christian woman who has been a Christian for some time to be accountable to and mentored by.
  • TheLizarellaProject@xanga

    @GettingClosertoFine@xanga - I'm confused as hell too, that makes zero sense. 

  • faithbarista

    Sexual temptations come in all forms.  You're tempted, but you have a choice to follow that temptation or not.  A temptation doesn't make you a sinner.  It's how you choose to respond to it.  Keep pursuing that which is good and pure -- and don't let other temptations side track you.  Remember Eve in the garden?   The serpent said, "Did God really say.... (the fruit's not any good)?" 

    Once he got Eve to question what God said (that something forbidden is not good), this was Eve's response,

    "When the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes, and the tree was desirable.. she took from its fruit and ate... then (her) eyes were opened.."  Gen 1:6-7

    Be careful, the more you entertain the idea, you can count on it growing more appealing, until you just want to taste it. And then, you will be hooked and what you have now - that loving relationship that God blesses - will be gone.

    Just because an idea appeals to us, doesn't mean it's right.  All marriages would fail miserably if we went with that.  Instead, we choose what we value and nurture it, protect and make it awesome and wonderful!

  • l0veBabyx@xanga

    @GettingClosertoFine@xanga - agreed. I asked myself the same thing.


    It doesn't seem like there's much to question, but have you talked to him about this?

  • etoile_violette@xanga
  • LadyofIlluminati@xanga
  • Adrenaline_Unknown@xanga

    Whether you can be born of verisimilitude of sexualities isn't the point. If it turns out you're bi, then God wanted it to happen.If he really didn't want you to be bi, then you won't be. I think Christians believe things happen for a reason, so let that be it.

    And that's what college is for  "Experimentation" and stuff. (I'm a boring kid, so I'm still a goody two shoes.) And if you don't want to be in a relationship with another women, then don't! Just because you have feelings toward women that seem strange to yourself doesn't mean you have to do something about them if you don't want to.

    Why am I the only one saying all these "Duh!" facts, ehm?

  • Adrenaline_Unknown@xanga

    P.s. It takes doing to figure out what God wants, and doing includes making mistakes. Do only what you want/feel comfortable/feel is right, and if it wasn't meant to be, you'll soon find out.

  • Shy___Away@xanga

    I have gone through the same thing. I always had crushes on females, growing up, but I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home, so the thought of being bisexual, or being sexually attracted to them was not even something I considered (or let myself consider). It wasn't until I shed a lot of that close-minded behavior, and became sexually active in my late teens that I realized that my sexual feelings were not only confined to men. It was hard to come to terms with at first, but at the end of the day, I'd rather be at peace with who I am, than worry about being judged by others. It's up to you if you want to act on any of your feelings- as long as you remain in the church, you will probably experience too much guilt to make it truly liberating. I had to leave the church to have any sex, homosexual or not, because my guilt would have been unbearable. I'm much happier now, and married (to a man), so it's not as if my bisexuality took over my life. But the fact that I've accepted it as a part of who I am was a very important step in my life.  

  • Azn_Shenobi

    @Adrenaline_Unknown@xanga - "It takes doing to figure out what God wants, and doing includes making mistakes. Do only what you want/feel comfortable/feel is right, and if it wasn't meant to be, you'll soon find out."


    It takes a relationship with Christ to understand that our feelings are not objective enough to determine if something is right or wrong. It takes a relationship with God in order for us to even begin to understand God's will.
    @Shy___Away@xanga - "It was hard to come to terms with at first, but at the end of the day, I'd rather be at peace with who I am, than worry about being judged by others... as long as you remain in the church, you will probably experience too much guilt to make it truly liberating."
    So I'm assuming that you left the church, not because of the judgement of others, but because of the dissonance between what you learn at church and what you "desire." Sin is tempting because it is desirable. If we only learn rules from Christianity, we'll forget the rules to justify ourselves. But if we only learn rules, then we have not yet understood Christianity. The fact is that we will fail because we, as humans, have a sinful nature. 
    But if we truly know Christ, then we will change, just as two people would in a relationship. Since Christ does not change, we become more like Christ. If we just follow rules, we are essentially saying that we can do it without Christ's forgiveness. And because we can not reflect God's perfection without a relationship with Christ, we will fail and feel guilty.
    I just wanted to clear that up. Anyhow, I am glad that bisexuality has not taken over your life.
  • Katja88@xanga

    It happens.  I've had some girl crushes, but I never acted on them, so they never went anywhere.  Ask yourself, are you happy with your boyfriend?  I think that's what it comes down to.  It doesn't matter if you're attracted to boys or girls, as long as you love him.  

    I'm not sure what God thinks, but I know He wants you to be happy.  So, for now, no worries!  If things change, well, you can reappraise when you get there.

  • vicdaily@xanga

    Mmm, kind of normal. I think a lot of the "feelings" towards the same gender are a result of society's acceptance of that behavior. So no, God didn't make you that way, but we are susceptible to temptation and these feelings happen to be a part of those temptations. I would suggest ignoring the feelings and focusing on bettering your relationship with God and the reflection of that relationship in your relationship with your boyfriend.

  • blonde_apocalypse@xanga

    If you decide to marry, then you've chosen to express your sexuality with one person for life.  I don't see that it matters what form the other options that you could choose to act on if you wanted take.  Trust yourself and your God.

  • Broken_Beautiful@xanga

    @GettingClosertoFine@xanga - @TheLizarellaProject@xanga - @l0veBabyx@xanga - I completely understand what she means...  Her attraction is a double-edged sword.  I've been there and have had the same struggle.  For me, I was attracted to one girl in particular.  I wanted so bad to act on the attraction, but I know that God forbids that kind of behavior.  So while I so desired to be intimate with her, I didn't act on the temptation b/c the thought of doing something that was such an abomination to God was appalling...  Attracted yet unappealing.  I base the "abomination to God" on Romans 1: 18-32...

  • caroliiineee@xanga

    @Broken_Beautiful@xanga - I think they were more confused about her saying, "The feelings aren't extremely strong, and the idea of kissing a female or even holding hands with one in a sexual way is unappealing."


    Because being bisexual means you are attracted to them in a sexual way and she says that she isn't.
  • SexyGamerGirl@xanga

    @MagisterTom@xanga - I have several gay friends and none of them have ever been abused. But they have all cited to liking the same sex since they were little and having no interest in the opposite sex. So I'd have to disagree with you there. Not saying that abuse can't cause someone to embrace homosexual tendencies, but I do feel that many people are born that way. I mean, what child with no abuse would choose to like the same sex over the opposite?

    Anyway, you are confusing in saying the thought of kissing or holding hands with a girl is unappealing. Sounds to me that you are far from bisexual. Just because you sometimes find girls attractive doesn't mean anything. It's much more than that that would make you bi. Plus, you are saying you don't want a relationship with one, so why even worry? Not that you should worry if your mind changes either.

  • StrokeofThought@xanga

    Of course, having a certain kind of desire on a regular basis doesn't mean God intended for you to have that desire.  The course of Nature has run quite amok from what God wanted.  People have habitual desires for lots of things that aren't good for them.


    I really think everyone is bisexual to a degree, they just don't admit it to themselves.  It's not hard to be attracted to different sorts of qualities in the  different genders.  The point of the marriage, though, is that it's good that all the qualities of a man and all the qualities of a woman unite in the ultimate relationship. 

  • LKJSlain@xanga

    I have chosen to live a straight lifestyle :) talk to me if you'd like (message me)

  • GettingClosertoFine@xanga

    @Broken_Beautiful@xanga - But here's the thing. You're saying you wanted to be sexually intimate with this girl. The author of this article doesn't. I know bisexuality exists--I have it myself. 

  • Oikakete@xanga

    http://pewterrose.xanga.com/736899607/kinsey/


    Ever heard of the Kinsey scale? It's actually pretty rare for someone to be a complete 0 (only attracted to the opposite sex). It's not uncommon to be a 1 or 2, straight with a few exceptions. You don't have to worry so much about labeling yourself. The blogger I linked to is a lesbian with a boyfriend who still calls herself a lesbian. I go to a Christian school with a straight girl who was engaged to another woman. Said woman was just starting the female to male transgender process, so they still called it a straight relationship.
    TL;DR: only you can label yourself. You can be straight and have an occasional emotional attraction to women.
  • AphoticxIllusion@xanga

    @Shy___Away@xanga - I'm glad you embraced yourself for who you are. A lot of fear in religion is you believe what you know, what you grew up in and around. A lot of people could not do what you have done. 

  • AncoraImparo@xanga

    Well you'll never know for sure until you try. Explore, you are young yet. I used to be where you are now and I turned out aight.;)

  • emptyspiral@xanga
  • xmzchoix@xanga

    Hm. I never went through the same situation as you since I've always
    been sure of my sexual orientation. And I didn't really choose the
    "straight" lifestyle 'cause I do want relationships with women. I'm just
    too terrified of how people will start to perceive me so I only act
    upon the feelings I have toward men. Sorry that my answer probably didn't help your situation at all...lol

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