Monday, 13 December 2010
I'm 18 and a Christian. I have a great boyfriend and plan to get married someday. Lately I've encountered a big issue that has grown over the past few months: I been questioning my sexual orientation.
I don't know what's going on but for some reason in the past year, I've found myself a bit attracted to females and developing small crushes on them. I didn't realize what was going on until I had a full-blown crush on one of my girl friends. It happened so slowly that I didn't realize it until the truth shocked me! I'd been in denial for so long because I hoped it would go away. Despite the overwhelming support I would get if I conformed to society's standards of what is acceptable, I simply cannot accept living a gay lifestyle. I have nothing against gay people and have had gay friends I've loved, but it's not what I want for myself.
A part of me, however, wonders if I really am bi or if my sexual feelings are just so strong right now that they're free floating. I know there's no way to put a percentage on it, but I'm probably 20% as attracted to women as I am to men. I don't like it and, much to the chagrin of society, I can't embrace it. I'm not sure what has made me this way recently. The feelings aren't extremely strong, and the idea of kissing a female or even holding hands with one in a sexual way is unappealing. What does this mean? Is this more common in straight women than I think?
If I am bi, then it's just the way God made me. There's no sin in having those feelings, but I refuse to act on them. I only want a relationship with a man.
Are there any of you who have an attraction to both sexes but choose to live a straight lifestyle? Has anyone gone through a similar confusion?