Friday, 26 November 2010
[Disclaimer: If you have no faith in Jesus Christ, then the point really isn't about waiting to have sex till marriage; that's just legalism. The point is that you have to trust that there is a magnificent, loving God who created us and knows us fully better than we know ourselves. And that he's forgiving, wants what's best for us, and wants us to follow his precepts. Essentially, if you believe in God, he will bless you for waiting till marriage to be sexual.]
I'm 21, I'm a virgin, and I'm getting married in January 2011.
It's definitely not the trend to wait for marriage, but I think its worth it for a number of reasons, and personally, finding the one has made me all the more happy I did choose to wait.
1. Saving your best for the best. I believe God can design people to be puzzle pieces to each other. I believe there is a such thing as "the one". And saving sex for the one is like ensuring that you've got something special to give to the one that you've never given to anyone else.
2. You learn about taking control of your desires. Me and my fiance have definitely not had it easy with waiting. But we've learned that laying down your desires for the sake of keeping your partner sexually pure will help your way of thinking. It teaches you the experience of laying down your instincts, what you really feel like doing at the moment, to protect each other. (ex: having sex with your husband, even if you don't feel like it. Taking the time to please your wife instead of using her to please yourself quickly. Not cheating on your husband or wife, even when it feels right and natural. Not quickly giving into other desires, like getting easily angered, impatient, holding resentment, etc.).
3. You don't have an issue with STD's. In terms of STD's, sleeping with someone is like sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with. Its nice to not have to worry about hidden STD's (ex: certain strains of HPV that one may carry without knowing it).
4. Emotional attachment. For most girls out there, physical intimacy without a doubt leads to some sort of emotional attachment. In fact, there are certain hormones that are emitted the first time a girl has sex that some say trigger feelings of attachment. But when girls have sex with guys outside of marriage, and the relationship doesn't work out, it either tears up their heart and leave them scarred, it leaves them utterly confused, or it deadens them inside and only makes the act of sex seem more meaningless, and not a big deal (even though it is the most climactic physical act!). Unfortunately, often times physical attachment is often the reason girls can't leave abusive relationships.
5. The goal of sex should not be to make someone fall more in love with you, sex should be the natural expression of a love that is already there. And I personally believe that true love means "I will not only love you today, but tomorrow, and every day after that. Unconditional love, after all, is the most precious.
6. Sex is just better when after marriage. From reading the book "The act of marriage" by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, I've discovered some interesting statistics. The gist of it is that couples who wait, report their experiences and the authors conclude that couples who wait experience better sex during the marriage. Why? I honestly don't know exactly. I think that guilt has alot to do with it. People either feel guilty, or empty themselves of guilt and feel empty. Honestly, If guilt wasn't an issue, then why are people so desperate to justify themselves all the time?
Even if you are not a virgin, I think that with the right faith in God's ability to bless you for turning to keeping his precepts, saving yourself for marriage is valuable and has the power to restore. I am not marrying a virgin, but he has changed his heart since the last time he had sex, and God has forgiven him, restored his heart, and given him the strength to wait, not to mention totally blessing us both.
I can say that maintaining my virginity or even avoiding sexual behavior has not been easy. But I've personally found so much emotional and physical strength from waiting. I've learned patience, sacrifice, and true love.
Its well worth it! What do you think?
Did you or do you plan to wait for marriage to be sexually active? If you didn't wait, do you regret it? If you did wait, do you think it had a negative or positive impact on your relationship with your spouse and with God?