I lost my v card when I was 16 to a boyfriend I had at the time. We loved each other. I don't regret it at all. First time sex is awkward and a tad painful. I'm glad that I got that out of the way, slept with a few other guys that I was in relationships with, and learned what I liked so by the time I met the one, my bf of 3 and a half years, sex was just downright awesome.

I do give anyone credit for remaining a virgin, however, whether is for personal or religious reasons. After all losing your v card before marriage is more of the norm. Honestly to each his own. I'm religious but I really don't think premarital sex is a sin (in my book at least).

I have heard both sides of the fence. People who waited before they got married say they have good sex-and I've also heard of people waiting until marriage being dissappointed in bed. I don't really know what to do myself-I've been holding out for 26 years fighting temptation left and right. I have seen some bad effects of premarital sex on both men and women many times but hearing that people who waited aren't having good sex kinda surprised me. Sometimes I wonder if it's REALLY worth it waiting for all these years-is it truly gonna be a magical event when I'm physically intimate with my wife for the first time or are my hopes too high?

I don't see why any of this isn't possible in a committed relationship.

And I didn't know people actually took Tim LaHaye seriously about anything. How strange. Anyway, how would those people who waited until marriage know that they're having better sex..?

I'm 19 & a virgin & sometimes I'm kind of embarrassed about it when my college friends are all talking about their sexcapades, but then I think that someday some guy that I really love is going to get the best gift I could possibly give someone. 

@llamalima@xanga - Lol. I've read the Bible and I was raised Catholic, but you can't believe everything you read and are taught. I've taken those Catholic values with me, but know that some things just aren't going to send me to hell. Being a good person is what counts.

@llamalima@xanga - I think the better question is what do YOU think qualifies a person to be a good person because clearly you are judging me for my beliefs already. I think you should give me a list and I'll see which ones I can check off the list so I can "prove" to you I'm a good person.

I am caring and loving. I put others, including animals, before myself. All I know is I can die knowing I've done good. I can die happy knowing that I've been a good person, even though you may feel the need to question me.

I'm also wondering why you are challenging me anyway because I was extremely nice in my first comment. I never said it was stupid to be a virgin. I said I give credit. I don't judge whatever the decision is, but somehow my opinion has somehow hit a nerve.

Very good, encouraging article.  The only thing I might add is that you made 2 remarks about men using women for sex vs women's emotional attachment with sex... just wanted to say that while this is the stereotype the reverse can happen to and men can and do become emotionally attracted through sex as well.

I think it all depends on the person as to what their experience would be either way. I personally don't intend to have sex outside of marriage, but that's a person choice that has nothing to do with anything except safety in my mind. I don't want to acquire an STD/STI, nor do I want to get pregnant. All birth control has a fail rate, no matter how unlikely or rare. The best way to have a zero percent fail rate on such things and to be absolutely positive I do not acquire an STD/STI is to just not have sex. :p

@bekkabrutality@xanga - Fair enough.  In my experiences though, that's just what happens sometimes.

@sierrraa@xanga - Having better sex with your husband when you've waited is actually a given.

You know that it's better because you don't have a past of nasty to sift through. It's just you and your husband. No past memories, no guilt or shame, no comparisons, no bringing up other images during the time that's supposed to be yours and your husbands.

I don't know if you know this, but men in particular bring up images of other women when you're not doing it for them.

My husband and I don't have that.

Something else is that it's better because you LEARN about yourself, your sexuality and what you want/need with ONE person and ONE person only. Which means building intimacy. An intimacy that you can't buy or trade with anyone/anything else. You will both grow together, and it will ONLY be you.

It's amazing.

Something else that tends to happen happen is that virgins actually (statistically, not always of course) know more about their OWN sexuality than people who don't wait. I actually knew more about sex when I got married (as a virgin) than my mother who went through the free love movement ;)... I most DEFINITELY know more about sex than my father who was in a band in the seventies and DEFINITELY slept around (a lot more so than my mother... think leaps and bounds) -
I know more about who I am sexually and what I want than a lot of my friends who've been giving it away right and left. I also know where to take a stand and protect myself and sexual relationship with my husband. I think this has something to do with the fact that when you sleep around, you're sort of losing yourself in other people... although I'm not sure. (Don't take my word for it... I'm only sharing what I myself have experienced)

Regardless. That's my two cents.

Study Theology of the Body. i keep telling you all this, but who listens?

I'm not having sex until I can fully trust my SO in the case that something goes wrong. Does that mean marriage? Perhaps, but I hope not. Marriage would put me in some legal and financial restraints right now that I'm not ready for. If everything goes according to plan (which it won't, but humor me) there's no possibility of marriage for me until 25.

Congratulations on your engagement. I hope the marriage goes well.

i'm only going to go after the points you make that you seem to want to apply to ALL couples, regardless of belief (or lack thereof).

2. i'm not seeing how having sex means you are incapable of controlling yourself.  just because you have sex, that does not make you a raging nympho who has to get laid 24/7.  being able to control yourself means setting boundaries---whatever they may be---and following them.   that has nothing to do with marriage alone.

3. unless you can prove to me that ALL married couples remain faithful, there's no reason to rely on the notion that marriage keeps you or your partner STD-free. 

4. women being overly emotional after sex is a dumb reason.  first off, that's not true for all women.  second, i find it to be a character flaw, not something to be proud of.  perhaps if young girls were taught the realities of sex, instead of abstinence-only education, they'd be better equipped to handle sex when they decide to have it before marriage... because, let's face it, most do.  and a lack of knowledge won't protect them. 

5. you don't have to be married to be in love.  marriage acknowledges a love that is already there.  it doesn't create it from nothing.  if you love someone enough to spend forever with them, you certainly love them enough for sex.  so why does it matter which comes first?

6.  i speak from personal experience when i say that is not empirical truth :)

long story short, i think you're just being judgmental of people who choose to have sex.  your disclaimer at the beginning is pointless, because your post is not solely about religious reasons to abstain.  and rather than make your decision on its own merit, you adhere to generalizations that judge others to make yourself feel better about your own choices.  whatever happened to doing/not doing something for no other reason than that's what makes you happy?