Sunday, 21 November 2010
And two weeks ago, I very nearly did. Everything seemed overwhelmingly horrible - the job that I held a certain disregard for, the loneliness at being so far apart from my family and friends and boyfriend, the big and small mistakes that I seemed to be making all the time. It was a bad time in my life, and I look back on it and still shudder at the terrible state of things back then.
This is a complete change from where I am now of course - I've made my peace with the job and started liking it a little more, I've exhausted all means of communication possible and feel like I've properly reconnected with my loved ones and I've learned to roll with the punches, accept my mistakes and move on.
What turned things around for me was something very, very simple: I let go of the control I was trying to maintain in my life -- and left it all up to God.
This wasn't something that came to me naturally; I was inspired while reading a book called "Out of Control and Loving It" by Lisa Bevere. The book, which I was fortunate enough to get recently, basically had one important message - I should stop attempting to control my own life, and instead surrender to God.
And so, surrender I did. It's amazing how much freedom and protection from God I now feel. By allowing Him to take charge of my life (by simply releasing all the problems I was having, praying for His guidance and grace), I've been living with less pressure on myself.
My eyes have been opened and I'm starting to see things that I would never have noticed before - how I was letting fear rule my relationships, how I was allowing worldly standards to define my understanding of success and glory, just to name a few.
It's interesting to see how clearly defined your standards and values are when you allow yourself to fully immerse in the world that God placed you in. At some point, you just realize that what you were doing or how you were doing it was either wrong or right and make choices to change or maintain your status.
Letting go of your own control over life is a big sign of trust in God. As a believer and as someone who has just recently learned what it's like to let go, it's honestly a scary risk at first -- but you should know God well enough to believe that He will step in to take care of you and guide you.
Letting go and letting God - that's definitely something that every Christian believer ought to do. After a mere week and a half of living like this, it's definitely the best thing that could have happened to me right at this moment in time.
Do you live your life with an iron fist of control? Or have you allowed yourself to truly let go and listen to what God has to tell you?