Friday, 08 October 2010
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Can Your Faith Change Your Personality?
By Bonnie at Faith BaristaIs an individual’s personality set in stone or do other factors influence behavior? I say faith trumps everything because faith can actually change your personality.
When I was single, I’d see tons of articles about dating written to help everybody assess a potential girlfriend or boyfriend’s personality. We wouldn’t want to waste time going out with someone whose personality was incompatible with ours, would we?
After I got married, the topic of personality didn’t die down. It only intensified, as marriage experts offered relationship advice, based on the presumption that people really don’t change all that much.
Now that I’m a mom of two boys, I see the same sort of fascination with personality applied to the parenting. I was surprised to read about a study published last month on LiveScience that asserts one’s personality is set for life by 1st grade.
While there are genetic as well as psychological and social factors that create deep impressions into our personality make-up during early childhood, the role of faith is missing from the whole conversation.
The Spark
Faith is the biggest catalyst to changing our personality, but it’s not all that popular. That’s because faith is not intuitive. Self-improvement is.
I used to feel defeated trying to get rid of negative traits I saw in my personality. There was always an initial boost whenever I tried something new to become less stressed and more relaxed. But whatever I did could never be sustained indefinitely.
Failure didn’t stop me. I kept myself busy, inspired to change, always up to something new.
This all felt very self-empowering, until I hit a perfect storm of problems. Fears of losing my job, a growing number of disappointments and spiritual confusion over what God was doing in my life did a number on my personality.
I lost my spark.
You wouldn’t have known on the outside. Everything was chugging along fine. But I felt the truth inside. Something had changed deep within. I had lost my joy.
Joy is the sunshine that brings our God-given, unique personalities to life. Without this light, everything feels flat and muted.
I was working way too hard inside my heart.
Type FaithI don’t have a short story to tell about how I got my spark back. God took me through a dusty road through the wilderness, stripped down to my resources.
Real changes, good or bad, usually happen like a slow drip from the pipe underneath the kitchen sink. Before you know it, you feel a damp puddle where the paper towels used to be stocked. I became more Type A than ever before. I focused on problem solving to get rid of the uncertainty. I fell into stretches of stress and anxiety, managing everything but my inner fears.
It was there I discovered God can restore my spiritual personality.
I learned to depend on Him. I learned to wait, to listen, and to surrender. It became more important to me to feel God’s presence than to have my problems solved.
I didn’t think it was possible to recapture the easy going and care-free naivitee I always wanted. But, God created a new spark in me despite my unbelief. He’s created something that wasn’t there before. He restored love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control in new ways.
I’m no longer Type A. I just became that way because I wanted to control my circumstances.
Once I realized my efforts were futile, I began to see God take control of me. I became Type F (Faith).
It’s better to consider every thing a loss, in order to see God at work in me.
I am now learning to discover the personality God designed in me.
Faith is what unwraps it a little more every day.
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People can change because God changes people. If we believe He can do it, this belief can open up growth. We can be confident God still uses us as we are, while trusting He’s creating something new at the same time.
I want to share a wonderful spiritual principle with you that has given me great hope. It is a promise Jesus makes to develop our Christ-like personality, as we depend on Him.
The Law of Fruitfulness:
“If a man remains in me and I in him,
then he will bear much fruit.”
~ John 15:5
How has your faith changed your personality?Have you seen the “law of fruitfulness” in your life, as you depended on Jesus?
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About the Author
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- From: faithbarista
- Name: Bonnie
- About Me: Welcome to Faith Barista – a blog that serves up shots of faith for everyday Christian living. Are you after that fragrant aroma of Christ in your daily cup? If so, there's a chair here with your name on it. Stay and comment awhile, won't you?
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Comments (13)
It definitely changed my boyfriend (future husband-to-be). Before I ever MET him he was somebody I never would've considered dating let alone somebody I'd plan to marry. Like the rest of the world, he partied, got beyond drunk, acted inappropriately, went to a strip club, tried various drugs, cursed, and stayed in an unhealthy relationship for many years.
Years later, he is a Christian now, and all these things we've talk about from his past.. I can't even IMAGINE. The man I know now is the complete opposite of everything there. He's still in touch with some of the friends he grew up with and partied with. They talk about how much he's changed. His family talks about how much he's changed. He's on the worship team at church, reads his bible daily, doesn't not curse or even use inappropriate slang. He doesn't drink or anymore, not even socially. He's the most respectful, honest, and polite man I've ever met. He is close with his family. He's an excellent boyfriend, who is very caring and sensitive to my needs. He's always there for me. He's a hard worker, he wants for us to wait until marriage for sex (as do I), and will not watch inappropriate movies, TV shows, etc. He's very faithful to me, and is very loyal and trustworthy. He is my best friend, he loves God, and strives to live a lifestyle that is honorable to God. We're ready for marriage and have discussed it from a Christian point of view -- such as God's intent for marriage, the family, etc. Of course he isn't perfect, as none of us are but the transformation is amazing considering I can't even imagine him being any other way than he is right now. His faith has changed him so much, and I love everything about him, and that God is such a focus for both of us in our relationship, and that we want to do the right thing.
Of course, since I've been a Christian my whole life and have never done any of the things he's done in his past, I sometimes struggle to accept it. It bothers me sometimes and I just have to keep reminding myself that God has forgiven him, and none of that stuff exists anymore. He's a new creation is God's eyes, so I cannot let the sins God has forgiven get to me. To God, sin is sin so I am equally guilty, even if I haven't done the same things. All I can do is thank God for what he has done in his life, and that he changed and prepared him for our relationship long before we met, and that he is doing a wonderful thing in both of our lives and that we're growing stronger together. He isn't the man he once was, and I'll thank God for bringing him into my life everyday that I'm alive. I can't wait to marry him. ♥
This post is very encouraging to me. I'll be going to college (hopefully!) in a couple of months when I graduate from high school and I plan to explore a deeper Christian lifestyle than I ever have. I really want to connect with God, but l am scared. And the one thing I'm scared about is my personality. I'm not the person I used to be. I'm often pensive, very quite, have-nothing-to-talk about with my friends kinda girl now. It's totally opposite from what I used to be and it kinda scares me. I feel like I got really boring in not time. I'm barely allowed to go out with my friends or anywhere so I feel like i have nothing to talk about what I did ove the weekend and such. Anyway, it doesn't even matter, I really hope that God can work in me to put a personality in me that is brave, strong, not afraid to say what is on my mind, yet easy-going and understanding. I just want to be brave. I think it's the first step in acknowleging God and letting other people know about Him in my life.
-@tradeitall_x@xanga - You're very very lucky to have a man like that. He sounds amazing. Congratulations! And when I'm old enough, I hope to find someone just like that.
I actually disagree, in a way. I think that when you rely on God, he changes your preferences and helps you make better choices, but I don't think that He changes your basic personality. I think that when you trust in God, what He does is help you express your personality in ways that are healthy and helps you "tone down the crazy" in your life. For me, the more I trust Him to help me and to change me, the more "me" I become. I love the same things, I still have the same tendency to talk alot (a gift and a curse), I'm still alternately gregarious and shy, I'm still Type A (though it's more under control now). What changed were my boundaries, my habits and my choices---but what I do is not who I am, it is the expression of who I am or who I believe myself to be.
For example, I am an extrovert, and always have been. Spending too much time alone makes me crazy. I used to get into really unhealthy relationships with other people because of it. But now, I can handle being alone, and I have a lot more respect for both other people's wishes, feelings and schedules and my own than I did before. I'm just as extroverted, and I love being around people just as much, but I am much more sensible, smart and relaxed about it than I was before.
If your faith doesn't change your personality you likely are very new to the faith or are not in the faith. It will change things, Jesus doesn't leave you as He found you.
If it doesn't, you really don't have that much faith.