Friday, 13 August 2010
Sometimes it feels like I'm walking through life blindfolded and somewhat lost. Sometimes it feels like I am drowning in a sea that I'm never going to be swim to the end of. Sometimes it feels like I'm caught in the biggest, wettest, loudest storm ever and that there is never going to be an end. All the time I am having to put my faith and trust in someone that I cannot see and someone that I can't even begin to understand.
Despite the blindness of my life, I have hope for my future. I have hope that I am going to do some remarkable, amazing things that may just change the life of others or just the one person. I really do believe that God has some amazing things in store for me; I have no idea what they may be yet and I know that they won't be unveiled to me for some time to come. I probably won't even realize till it happens.
Why do I have such faith and confidence in my God? Well, when I look back on my life I can see how much God has actually been working in it. During the events themselves, I couldn't see. I felt overwhelmed and lost most of the time yet I knew that God was there, I just couldn't understand the purpose.
Looking back, however, I have more of a grasp on the purpose or at least why I had to go through those times. The first major thing I can really say was significant was telling somebody that I may like to go to church more. I don't know what made me say that or why I was considering church- I had never considered that before. The next thing I know, this person asked me to join the newly established music group to play worship in the services and for fun. Naturally, I was nervous but still I said yes. Why? I still do not know to this day.
Now, we move on to the consequences I had to face after choosing to go to church more and join music group. My family is not religious. Not in the slightest. I had such a hard time at home for my decision, whether they meant it or not. I remember crying practically every day because of little comments that they made and by their unreceptiveness. During this time I also had a problem with food. I'm not going to go into that but I'm sure you can all use your imaginations. I just wanted to give up. I thought that if I left church the whole thing would just go away but I stayed. The person who got me into music group helped me through it. Why did I have to go through that? Well, I couldn't tell you why but I can tell you that now I appreciate my church family and even my family a lot more. That rubbish made me more patient (still need to work on that though) and I believe that it also made me stronger and able to see others views more.
The next important thing that happened to me was alpha and this again provided the same complications as above but to a lesser degree. It was then that I became a christian. This then provided challenges throughout school in the sense that telling people what I believed was always met with little comments. At this point, I desperately wanted to fit in and be accepted. To be a christian and be this different was probably the hardest thing I had to do. But now, I am proud to be a christian.
I could go on and on but I'm going to stop. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that even though sometimes it can feel like you are drowning, you aren't. You are being kept afloat by the One that knows best, by the one who knows the way to the shore and to dry land. Life is hard and generally unforgiving but things happen for a reason and its only when you get out of it that you can fully appreciate that.
Has God ever helped you through something and you only realized his touch later on? How do you stay strong when you can't see the light you know is at the end of the tunnel? What does it mean to walk by faith?