Saturday, 24 July 2010
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How God Changed Me
I was perusing my old Xanga account, mostly to see how much I've changed, and I came across a few poems I wrote. I'm surprised I would have been so open about my feelings back then. One poem in particular I found was written when I was 15. Obviously, it's not all good. But, I still feel like there are some good lines in here. And it's a bit disturbing to think back to how hopeless I felt four years ago. January 13, 2006
In these empty eyes you can see my soul
See it as it is, empty, withered, and cold
It used to be so warm, loving, and kind
This one that I have now is nothing like mine
You should have seen it, when it was in it's prime
It was bursting with love and joy all the time
These eyes used to sparkle, glimmer, and gleam
Now these eyes do nothing, because nothing is what is seen
Everything I feel and the pain that I live in
It's all turn to nothing because that is what I've been in
So far so long a waste of time,
To dust has gone this heart of mine.
I know it's a shame, such a waste of space
But at least I've learned my true place
So if I trace this path on my arm,
You won't have to worry it won't do you harm
You don't have to worry, twitter, or whine
Because holds strong does this bind
I won't try to bother with a silly little letter
Because in a second I'll feel a lot better
Everything I feel will rush out of me
And spots on the floor is all you will seeSo, why did I post this? Because, even in your darkest hours, when you feel as though you'll never be ok, there are opportunities that lay ahead of you. God really took hold of my life in the past few years and showed me how wonderful life can be. If I would have given up four years ago, I would never have been able to meet the wonderful and beautiful people that I have in my life right now. I would have never have gotten the chance to have such a hopeful future, because I would have given up on life completely.
So if you feel as though you'll never feel love in your heart again, just remember that your life isn't over yet. You never know what amazing opportunity is just around that figurative corner in your life.
How has God changed you in the last few years? Taking a look back at your old Xanga or Revelife posts, what is different about you now?
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About the Author
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- From: TruthOfRain@xanga
- About Me: Greetings. You can call me Rain, it's what a few of my special friends know me as. I have been a part of the Xanga community since 2005 and this is my newest pen-name. I write poe[try], reviews of articles/books/movies, and sometimes I simply write about my life.
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True
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Comments (4)
I know exactly what you mean.
I've always been emotional; teen years have merely emphasized this fact. So a few years ago, I teeter-tottered about everything. And occasionally, for long periods of time, I gave up.
Not anymore. :) That's all God.
I am just the opposite. I shut down my emotions and did not deal with them at all. In doing so I closed off my heart to even love. In recent years I have learned to be real and to open up my heart to those around me.
Two years ago, I was completely depressed because of...... a guy. I mean, this guy emotionally beat me to the ground. So stupid for me to have given up on life because of him, but God was really testing me (happened about a month after my rededication). I have to give the Man props, because He can really turn a rebellious heart into a soft and warm one, to the heart of stone, to the heart that loves and is calm and is unbreakable.
To look back at the little poems and notes on Facebook, I would laugh and thank God. I was a little kid, now I'm a woman.My heart identified with your post . When all seemed hopeless , God was there . He was always there even though I didn't always feel He was. God gave us a great capacity to love and be loved. He gave me hope when life seems too overwhelming to deal with. He wants to make something beautiful out of my life - - something beautiful out of everyone's life.
God's greatest gift to me was showing me how much He Loves me. Has always loved me. I was a person who kept all of my feelings inside until they overflowed with destructive tears. Release but not healing release. No matter what is going on in my life or going on around me , God has given me a Sanctuary. My Sanctuary is sitting at His feet while He calms me with His presence. In the past I didn't think He cared about me to leave me in the hopeless situation I was in. But sitting at His feet He showed me how much He loved me. He showed me how to talk to Him and how to find healing for all of the " Stuff " lodged inside of me screaming to come out. Step by step the hurt and pain and despair of my life has been healed. It has been replaced by love ... His Love.
I am no longer on the fast train of life to nowhere. It actually spit me out as I spent more and more time in my Sanctuary . This is where I found - Faith - Hope - Love. What I needed to find life and live life everyday.
What is different about me now ? I am changed in the presence of the Creator of the universe. He has shown me how valuable I am as a daughter of His. I am in awe as I think about being the daughter of the Most High God who is also my friend and confidant and teacher , my helper and He wants to spend time with me. God actually wants to spend time with me !!!!! Awesome ...........