Monday, 05 July 2010
So, I saw Dan's post, "some people are evil", a very thoughtful post I might add. The thing that stood out to me most was what he had to say about how someone could tell what kind of employee someone would be based on how they treat a waitress. This reminded me of some of the things I taught my cousin.
So, here you have it, 10 simple rules to date my daughter, or cousin, or whatever.
1. When you are on a date pay attention to how he treats the waitress.
- If he respects her, that's good. He is more likely to respect you.
- If he flirts with her, that is definitely bad. He doesn't respect you, and may even cheat.
- If he disrespects her, run. He will never respect you if he can't respect the waitress.
- And he better tip her well, if he doesn't run. He doesn't respect her, is stingy or cheap, or isn't grateful for what he is given. Any of the three is bad. (Most guys will hide the tip, I know I do. Try to see it anyway, if he doesn't tip at least 20% you should probably run. More on tipping here.)
2. If he expects you to "go dutch" then this is a definite warning sign. If he asked you out he should be able to pay for the date. There can be exceptions to this however, especially after a few dates. Or if he is a broke college student. He should pay for the date, but don't break the guy either! He shouldn't be sponging money off of her, being broke is one thing, sponging off her is not right.
3. You should feel safe and protected around him, but not suffocated. He isn't your babysitter, but he should always have your best interest in mind. He should never put you in a situation that you feel unsafe in. He should also be more interested in protecting your purity than you are. This means that he shouldn't be willing to go somewhere that he would be alone with you.
4. He needs to respect your parents and anyone else in authority over you. For the sake of my cousin this includes respecting me. This would also include her church's pastor, if she attends, or other spiritual leaders or mentors. (All Christians should be under authority.) This is even more important if she lives with her parents. For the younger readers out there he needs to have her back by curfew and obey any other rules set down by her parents or others in authority in her life.
I know I'm more traditional than many, perhaps more than most, but for the ladies that live with their parents or are in college I think the man should ask her parent's permission to date her as well. (Clearly this isn't always a possibility)
5. This relates to rule #4. He needs to be under authority in his own life and have accountability. From what I've read 60% of males (and 30% of females) use porn on a regular basis. This is totally unacceptable and needs to be dealt with. If he doesn't have any accountability in his life he is likely given over to this or other things that will only serve to hurt him, her, or both of them. He should also have a mentor that his leading and teaching him.
6. He needs to respect his parents. His father figure should ideally be a man he looks up to and listens to. This goes along with rule #5 as well, his father should be an authority figure in his life, but based out of respect for him not fear of discipline or punishment. Also, how he treats his mother is crucial! How his father treats his mother is important as well.
If he doesn't treat his mother well, there is no reason to believe he will treat you any better than he does her. Does he help her out where he can? Does he ever speak ill of her? Would you want him to treat you the way he treats her?
7. He should have similar values and morals to what she has. If you have different beliefs you will constantly clash. As Paul the apostle said, we need to be equally yoked. For Christians this includes not only being Christian, but if possible being of non-clashing beliefs. A Catholic and a Southern Baptist are probably going to have issues. Or a Christian and an atheist will probably have serious issues. This would become even more important if the couple were to get married and have children. What would the children be taught?
8. He needs to respect her individuality. He shouldn't be trying to change her, and she shouldn't be trying to change him. That isn't saying both shouldn't be trying to better themselves, as we all should, but you shouldn't approach someone with the hope of changing them into what you want them to be. He should encourage her to be herself, not someone else.
9. He needs to have a plan for his future. If he is content to work at McDonald's for the rest of his life he probably isn't the one for my daughter. I can understand that some are not financially stable, and I'm not suggesting that everyone should wait until they are financially stable. But, he should have goals in mind, and a plan for the future. The future doesn't mean a career plan necessarily, but he needs a plan for the future.
He should also have marriage in mind. Not that he should know that he wants to marry her before the first date. But, dating isn't just for playing around, his intent should be finding a suitable mate. If he isn't serious enough for this, he isn't serious enough to be dating my daughter.
10. He should own a sword and carry it with him at all times. Okay, maybe that is a metaphor for a bible? Either that or I couldn't come up with number 10. But, having a sword and being prepared to slay anything that would harm her seems like a good thing.
Do you have different standards for dating? Why? How did you come up with your standards?