Sunday, 27 June 2010
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Five Steps To Being Late For Church
By Brett at GodlySheepIn many ways, Naomi and I are a great combo. We compliment each other with our strengths and weaknesses. Punctuality is not one of those ways.
Together, we have a tendency to be 15 minutes (I like to say “fashionably”) late for everything. Even when we get a jump start on getting ready, something happens to put us back on our 15 minutes behind schedule again.
That’s the problem with going to a very punctual church. Even when you’re pulling into the parking lot a few minutes before, you’re late.
And those who are always on time have no idea what it’s like to be in our shoes, how the church fails to cater to the tardy, the painful process we endure each service.
In order to educate, here are the steps that transpire when you are late for church.
1. Becoming Late – No one seeks to be late for church. It’s never the desired intention. Maybe it’s the weekend mentality, but Sundays and timeliness seem to fall apart. Everything goes wrong. Coffee pot brews extra slow, showers become a time warp, everything in the closet is wrinkled, anything you want to wear is in the laundry, and suddenly it feels like a good time to organize your email inbox. Despite running around and yelling, you still find yourself…running late.
2. The Parking Spot - After breaking laws of speeding and driving like you’re in a Jason Statham car chase in your effort to go to church, you pull up to the building only to find that you have to park next to the buses, or creating your own spot on the lawn, or at the gas station next door; tacking on extra minutes to your lateness. I propose a section of parking spots next to the handicapped and pastor parking for those arriving at start time or later. Those who got there early have that extra time to walk to the doors. It only makes sense.
3. The Entrance Timing – Some churches have entrance ushers who assist in your timing of entrance after the service has started. Others are left unmanned, leaving you to enter on your own judgment call. Here are some quick tips on when to enter:
- During Prayer – Never. You might as well go in doing cartwheels and blowing vuvuzelas.
- During Worship Song - Maybe, but awkward. Are you supposed to sing and walk? Seriously feels like you’re in a musical.
- During Meet & Greet – Shoot for this. Walk around, shake hands, no one is the wiser. Note, that it is difficult to find a seat that you’re sure isn’t taken. (See #5 The Seat)
- During Sermon – Ooo that’s really late. Best to just walk around the hall and let everyone assume you signed your whole family up for hall duty that week.
4. The Walk of Shame - However you time the entrance, there will be that walk of shame. That time where you try to avoid meeting anyone’s stares, while frantically looking for a seat to sit in. If you can, scan the auditorium for available seating before you even enter to find the shortest route possible. The one thing you are trying to avoid is re-walking it because you didn’t plan, thought you saw a seat up front, only to have to double-back. You might as well set up camp on the floor.
5. The Seat - Here is the when you realize what help ushers can be. Find an usher and give him your best sympathetic and apologetic look. Look disheveled, like this is your first time ever being late and you’re lost. Throw him the signal for how many in your group like you’re ordering a table in a busy restaurant, and watch as he parts rows to find a void of seats. If you don’t have an usher, you’re on the hunt. See a lack of heads in a row? Make sure there’s no Bibles laying around acting as place cards. Keep an eye out for folding chairs in the back, and don’t be afraid to create your own row on the fly.
Did I miss anything? What other lateness advice would you give?
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About the Author
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- From: godlysheep
- Name: Brett
- About Me: I look to share tips and ideas for church, ministry, and life in general. The goal for the site is simple: To help Christians in their ministry and personal life by offering information, ideas, devotionals, and tips from other ministries and fellow believers.
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Comments (24)
I love the idea about close-up parking spaces for the tardy. ha ha! Great idea.
We are not ALWAYS late, but it's never been easy, as a single momma, getting three kids buffed and shined and to church on time. MUCH easier now that I'm down to 1 kid, and she's more efficient than either of my boys were as far as getting ready for things.
We don't even try for 8 am services - there's just no way.
A lot of people at my church are 3-7 minutes late, always. So...it's never awkward to walk in late. Usually you just walk in during the songs and no one notices. It's a fairly charismatic church, so most of them have their arms raised and eyes closed anyway... :P
Though, at the Baptist church I attend when I am in my hometown, to be late there might be more of a crime. I've never been late though. I'm fairly punctual. I have noticed a few people coming in late, but seats are very easy to find in our new sanctuary. I think they thought we had a LOT more members than we do...hahaha
Whenever we were late........... we would come in during the worship song. YES a musical
I actually prefer going late; it cuts out some of the awkward talking before. (I like hightailing it for the door right after the sermon, too.) Going in during the singing is the ideal entrance time, for me/my family.
At our church it is large enough that many people are late. We have the lights dimmed and songs at the begining of the service. We also have ushers available to help find seating.
I am one of those early for everything type people, so for me to arrive right on time is running late for me and it drives me bonkeres.
@Megan - I have three kids and things can and do go wrong. We frequently run late on Sunday mornings and it's people that think like you that make me want to just say forget it and stay home. But, I know God knows my heart so I suck it up and head in the door. I don't get to decide what time church starts (I would never schedule an appointment that I had to take all three of my kids to for 9am).
@kpsmom3@xanga -
Children are not an excuse. Millions of people make it to their Mass or other church services with children every day. Do you use your children as an excuse for being late for work, too? Does your husband? I don't appreciate the condescending nature of the "people like you comment." Stop thinking that you are different because you have children. You aren't.LOL my husband and I have the SAME problem. Of course, if anyone else has autism, obsessive compulsive disorder, small children, elderly family members, just sheer and endearing ditziness or absentmindedness, or any other such curves life has thrown at you, getting out the door even close to on time for anything really is pretty much not an option no matter how hard one tries...which especially sucks if you're like me and desperately want to be on time because any form of attention is torture. I find laughing at myself about it like you are brings others to laugh with me (rather than at me, or not at all) and keeps me focused off my grand entrance and on the reason I'm there--to worship the One who actually does understand, with enough grace to not hold it against me.
The parking spaces idea just sounds like an all-around win to me. A "late" tag similar to a handicapped tag for habitual sufferers would be a nice touch as well, ha!
Or you could just go to an LDS church--as I found out when I met my husband, Mormons are to late as Baptists are to potluck. Simple math concept, really.
@Megan - I find it interesting that you are calling me condescending...maybe you should reread your comment to me.
@Megan - @kpsmom3@xanga - how bout stop arguing? about CHURCH? please? i think the point is to try your best and make the best of what youre given. if youre doing that, fine. if youre not, do better. there. settled.
@kanam@healthkicker -
I responded once to her. That's hardly an argument. Settle down.@Megan - Now that I can agree with you on!
@kanam@healthkicker - It's okay for people to disagree, even Christians.
@kpsmom3@xanga - You are absolutely right on all counts!
@Megan - Do you have children? Just curious.
@musicmom60@xanga -
No, I don't, I'm 18 and I am not married. But I sit in Mass every week and see people with children (being Catholic, sometimes quite a few of them) show up in plenty of time every week. They don't have a problem. I assume they are able to plan their time out well enough to show up on time. I will concede something to @kpsmom3@xanga - though. Catholic Mass is held usually four times on a Sunday, so they have time choices which maybe you don't have. I'm not judging, I am just saying plenty of people with children make it to church on time.@Megan - true that there might be more choices for attendance. Also, don't Catholics have to go to the church within a certain range of their residence? I thought I remembered hearing that somewhere, that basically you are "assigned" to specific locations/churches, so maybe the people you see regularly don't live that far away. We have always had a longer drive to church, sometimes up to 30 minutes, and sometimes things just do not go as planned, when children are involved. You really do have less control over your time, especially when one child is disabled, another becomes sick, someone needs a diaper change JUST as you are walking out the door, whatever.....it happens. When mine were small, I remember it feeling like a giant wrestling match just to get them all ready at once, by myself, and then when we got there, to keep the two boys separated and from acting up and bugging each other....especially when one of them is autistic and had no boundaries...sometimes it just didn't feel like it was worth all the effort, on those days when we weren't on time and couldn't get anything out of the service anyway. But we hung in there, knowing God is a God of grace, and that he would rather have us there, late, disheveled, out of breath, any old way, than not have us there at all.
@musicmom60@xanga -
Well, I think it changed from assigned parishes at Vatican II, but most people do go to their local Parish, true. And, yeah, I don't claim to know anything about getting kids together, though my baby sister is only 7 months old so she's not all that hard for my dad and stepmom to get situated. And I understand people will be late sometimes, but if it's a regular thing, then they should start getting prepared earlier. I guess part of my issue is from a Catholic perspective in that every part of the Mass has meaning, there is no music at the beginning that is intended to let people get themselves organized or show up late. Showing up late is most likely interrupting the procession or the penitential rite.@musicmom60@xanga - @Megan - yay i made you get along!
just btw. i responded once to you. and didnt use the word condescending. settle down what now?
@kanam@healthkicker - lol, getting along is great!
Some people honestly need to chill. If you were going to church in, say, South America, you could be 37 minutes late and nobody would care. In fact, it is expected for you to be late because nobody shows up on time. Showing up late is better than not showing up at all. Some churches might say service starts at nine, but only start service at nine thirty, so either way it works out. I know how you feel though, we once visited a methodist church, walked in fifteen minutes late, were started at because we realized that there weren't enough seats for us in any given row and they had never seen us before, so we had to inconvience two rows of people. Then they gave us 'flu kits' during the height of the h1n1 scare. There's nothing like hand sanatizer and mini packs of tissues to say 'God loves you.'
if you hate the vuvuzela, then you'll enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF_uPHrNZ5U
I attended one church once that not matter what time you arrived, you were greeted and hugged and made to feel welcome.
Our church has parking lot ushers that save the closest spots for the handicapped and women with smaller/many children. I don't condemn you for being late because I have been but I don't think you should get parking that could be given to someone that REALLY needs it.