There have been several posts on Revelife recently about Christianity being about having a relationship with Christ. I see where they're coming from, and they're probably right.
But I just don't get that. I'm speaking only for myself, so hopefully this doesn't make me a bad a Christian. I just can't wrap my mind around what it means to have a relationship with God. God is God. God is an amazing, all-encompassing, unfathomable reality. That much I can sense. I don't know how to talk to reality itself.
Other than that, my faith is a logical quest. I became Catholic when I started realizing that my answers to the big questions weren't adequate. Looking for meaning in a transient world was impossible...Looking for ethics and morality in a meaningless world was also impossible. So there had to be something meaningful and eternal. I am and have been committed to intellectual responsibility, reasoning not just accepting. I think that everyone is different and that God and Christ come to people in the best way for that person and that maybe the best way to come to me was in reasoned premises and theology.
I am an introverted, unemotional person. My husband teared up during our wedding vows; I didn't, even though I love him with all my heart. Maybe relationship is not how Christ manifested himself to me. Is that possible? Maybe it's my educational experience; I learned to encounter religion through a scholarly lens and I continue that currently.
Whatever the case, my faith is not about personal happy feelings and encouraging sentiments. It's about reasoned theology, a reasonable worldview, and a strong moral code based on that worldview (which is love). It's also about practice: things and actions that I can do. I can make a point to go to church; I'm not always able to make myself feel God's presence.
I hope that one day I can understand what other Christians mean when they talk about their relationship. I've brought this up to priests who have responded that I should be grateful for the way that God comes to me and that there is nothing wrong with having a reason-based approach. This makes me feel better, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong.
It bothers me greatly because of what Jesus has said: that God has revealed to children what he has hidden from the learned. I believe that faith should be accessible to everyone regardless of station in life. Should my faith really rely on intellectual premises? Or is it ok that I am like that and others are different?How do you approach your faith? Is it a relationship or something else? Got any advice on how to grow in relationship with Christ?