Friday, 11 June 2010
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Are You Abstinent Out of Conviction or Condition?
A go
od friend and I were talking about our state of abstinence last night and I had to write about it today. Her and I have both maintained celibacy for quite some time and we're proud of it.I chuckled as I asked my friend in pure honesty: "Does it still count if you're abstinent out of lack of 'resources' versus obedience?" My friend laughed and affirmed that she was in the same boat that I was. In one vein, her and I are convicted to remain abstinent but that's mostly because we haven't been in a situation that would test our abstinence.
Does it still count as obedience in God's eyes if you're abstinent out of convenience versus pure conviction?
Rampant sex is a lifestyle for people in my age group. We've even developed phrases like "hooking up" or "one night stand" to categorize the various levels of sexual activity and lack of commitment that go with each. At the end of the day, it's called good ole' promiscuity. No one likes that word (not even me). It's a dirty word. It makes you feel sleazy and used up like a floozy. But at the end of the day and semantics aside, sleeping around is what it is. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" as Shakespeare reminds us in Romeo & Juliet.
First off, I'm not 'holier than thou' by any stretch of the imagination. I have had my indiscretions as my friend has. She and I have rededicated our lives to God and keep each other encouraged via text, email, phone calls on great things we've come to know in Christ. I'm so glad to have her as a friend because I can be completely real with her. I don't have to sugarcoat anything. In one of our moments of honesty, I admitted that I was not abstinent out of some deep conviction of heart. I'm not sure if that still counts for anything in the eyes of God.
As we spoke, my friend brought up a great point. She said that all Christians need to undergo a "spiritual circumcision". This spiritual circumcision will align us with Christ's word and convict us from the inside out and not viceversa. Obedience and spiritual circumcision clearly count in God's eyes. By the end of our conversation, I knew I needed to pray. I needed to thank God for making sex inconvenient right now firstly. Secondly, I need to give God the reigns on my loins and ask Him for a spiritual circumcision. After all, if I'm celibate I mine as well get the blessing to boot right?
Does abstinence count if it's only out of condition and not convenience? Do you need a spiritual circumcision to go deeper with God? Are you abstinence out of obedience or because there's no eligibles in your orbit?
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- From: EBailey
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Comments (27)
I think we have to remember that it's not just abstinence that we should focus on, but purity. We can make ourselves impure sexually while still remaining abstinent. But, yes, I think abstinence and purity should come from conviction, not just present circumstances and lack of opportunity.
Not having opportunity does make it easier to not give in though.
I read a good article from John MacArthur on Pyromaniacs yesterday which is similar to what you're talking about: http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2010/06/do-we-obey-out-of-love-or-out-of-duty.html
I agree, I have tried to shut out all avenues of temptations, I don't date atm and I blocked out all the websites. Any movie with nude scenes, I don't watch...I guess after you have done that, there isn't much way to not be abstinent. With trial and temptation we shall see whether we really are doing it through the power of God as opposed to our own.
Both. But I am consciously taking a time of abstinence to cultivate and strengthen my conviction. I don't want to be a person who just takes the chance to go against my convictions the second my conditions change.
conviction of course, I only don't have sex because of God. I am loyal to him
I think you have a good point in the fact that perhaps God is pulling you from tempting situations right now. I would be grateful for that, as God knows our weaknesses. This happens to be one of my greatest.
If you're abstinent because you don't have the opportunities to hook up, that's probably partly due to your lifestyle choices. You're not hanging around the people that act like that. Not putting yourself in that situation is probably evidence that your lifestyle is based on conviction.
@lightnindan@xanga - *Like*
@lightnindan@xanga - Yes, very true. That is my position....I have a conviction and commitment to be celibate, and therefore I don't put myself into any situations where I would be tempted to behave in another way. It's a conscious choice. It's actually quite easy....just not part of my life or the circles in which I live. I have chosen not to become involved or date for several years now, and am focusing my life on my children and my teaching/home/what God wants me to be doing during these years of my life. Perhaps someday I will be open to marriage again, but nothing before that. He gave us these guidelines for a reason, and the consequences of disobeying are not worth the heartache they cause.
I like how you and your friend encourage each other like that. It's neat to have a spiritual sister to talk about these things with and share support with.
Also, like the other commenters, I commend you for structuring your life in a way that makes it more difficult break your commitment to abstinence. God may be keeping you out of certain situations but I am sure that you have a role in choosing that as well. You are not allowing yourself to be dragged away and enticed.
Personally, answering the question, before I was married I was abstinent first out of lack of opportunity and then, as I dated the man I would eventually marry, abstinence was more and more of a choice. (It was a constant, daily choice not to put ourselves in situations where it would be easy to have sex.) And of course, now that I am married, it's the other way around- abstinence would be wrong and sex with my husband is the right thing to do. The difference is that it's easy and fun to follow this marital conviction! Since I was and remain convinced that God would be pleased by my waiting, and that this, His way, would be best and happiest for me and the long term happiness of my marriage, the conviction was easy enough to come by.
I don't know if it's a matter of abstinence "counting" or not. God isn't sitting up there trying to discount you when you are doing what He asks. It probably just makes Him happy to see how you are committed to following Him. I think He might appreciate your thoughtful, purity-oriented lifestyle
a lot more than He'd appreciate it if you regularly decided to put yourself in a tempting situation with a guy only to veer away from the final act at the last second. Sure, when your conviction is tested by temptation you yourself learn a lot about how strong that will to do right is, but I don't think it's necessary to explore that if you don't have to! Being abstinent now when there isn't opportunity may strengthen you for whenever you do have a romance going on, for when you will need your conviction to keep that relationship in a state that God can smile on in every way.
Heart DOES matter! Obedience is better than sacrifice is the phrase that rings in my head! If anything I've probably done it for so long for wanting to be different from everyone else who just HAD to have sex...I have always liked the idea of being able to say to my future hubby that he's getting something very precious that NO man before him has ever had! It is a matter of purity, for sure, and thats where I've failed time and time again and had to repent to God for it. Heart DEFINITELY matters!
I have to agree that I disagree with the idea of "condition". Just because we aren't being tempted doesn't make our obedience worth anything less than the obedience of someone who is in very tempting situations. Why walk up to the edge of a cliff and hope you don't fall when you can just stay back and have no risk at all?
Now. On the other hand, it is true that all our commandments and laws that we are given are only given because we are too weak or ignorant... simply not prepared enough for God's higher laws without this structure to help us. The real meaning behind these earthly laws is to help us grow to love God and to do his will out of love and desire not simply obedience. That being said, firstly being obedient will help us grow to understand and love God and our hearts will grow to where before our minds had to force our habits. We do want our hearts to be in the true spirit of God's commandments but that should not cheapen your obedience.
I'm abstinent because...
1) I know that when you wait to have sex until your married it makes your sex life so much better!! Because you don't go bringing baggage into the sexual aspect of your marriage relationship, things get wild a lot faster. You get to have crazy awesome prince-type sex. There are no memories of other people, no hang-ups to work through. Its just YOU and YOUR WIFE(husband for females) getting ridiculous and enjoying the hot sexy good time that ONLY holiness makes possible.
2) Circumstances don't matter whether you can or can't have sex. The heart of the matter is matter of the heart. Understanding what sex represents in the context of marriage and how God is glorified above all and how things are so much better in your life when you have faith in His Will is where true joy and peace comes from.
basically what im trying to say is understand what sex is all about in order to truly see its BEAUTY. If you don't understand that then being abstinent will just seem like some stupid religious tradition.
if anything is unclear about what i said please let me know. i just dont want to type a whole lot and lose people. =] Praise God though. Soli Deo Gloria.
conviction, I have been asked out by many girls! but have chosen to wait for the right christian girl in marriage
Conviction. I've been propositioned several times for sex, most recently by a woman wanting me to do some BDSM. That doesn't appeal to me at all, but several others do. I do it because I'm a Christian and have maintained it for that reason.
Honestly, I'm about ready to give up on it, though. There are just too many problems with the Christian position, and, frankly, it isn't working on a personal level. All my options have been a). people almost a decade older than me, b). people a decade younger than me, c). people who are passionately non-Christian, and/or d). people wanting a hook-up. I've gotten about to the limit. I'm 30, and if I want to have children I'm going to have to find someone soon, and I'm losing faith in its value.
Does it count? Um, yes. I actually agree with @Megan - part of it IS keeping yourself out of tempting situations, whether you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or not.
Abstinence..such a fascinating term. I'm guessing that to you it means no sexual intercourse. But, usually abstinent people..especially if they are in their 20s and above, still are really not abstinent. They may not have had actual penetration, but there has been a lot of touching, looking, seeing above and below the belt..and certainly sexual contact.. How could that be abstinent?
Just sayin' and observing.
PS Remember Bill Clinton's famous phrase, " I had no sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky". While technically, there had been no penetration, there was sexual contact.. So, what is the big deal and what is the difference anyway??
Christy
@lightnindan@xanga - So true.
As another commenter mentioned, basically anyone could find someone to sleep with if they really wanted to. So the fact that you haven't had the opportunity to have sex probably means that you aren't putting yourself in situations where you'll be tempted. And that is evidence of obedience. Also, purity and abstinence are not the same thing. Shifting your focus from abstinence to purity might help resolve this issue.
Personally, my choice is based on conviction. I've turned down or avoided opportunities to "hook up" with someone because I knew it went against my convictions. My reasons, however, are both spiritual and practical. The first and most important reason is that the Bible says it's wrong. The other reasons are all practical: - we weren't in love- avoiding pregnancy- avoiding STDs - avoiding the resulting emotional complications.
I believe that God made the rules He wrote in His word for some simple, practical reasons. And therefore, my conviction is that it is in my best interest to be obedient to God because He had my best interest in mind when He made the rules.
Lastly, go you for having an accountability partner! You are really blessed to have a trusting, encouraging relationship like that. Keep encouraging each other!
before i began having sex, i was abstinent because i wanted to wait until i met someone i really felt in love with. the guy i lost my virginity to was my first everything... first date, real kiss, and anything between kissing and sex. i never had any goals to wait until i was married though, because i didn't want to.
@greatredwoman@xanga - I was wondering if someone would bring that up. And you're right, it's not abstinence. If you think about it, it's a big slap in the face to those who saved EVERYTHING for marriage because they are the ones who have actual restraint. Waiting until marriage just to have intercourse isn't that much of an accomplishment if you can get away with everything else.
I'm abstinent and I'm married. My husband is overseas in Afghanistan and there is only one person I want to be with for the rest of my life and thats why I married him. I abstain from sex now because I made a vow and I'm not going to go skank around while my husband is gone. He doesn't deserve that and I have more respect for him and myself. So mine is abstinence out of choice and condition. I don't ever want to "have sex" or make love with anyone other than the one who made a promise to me.
@lightnindan@xanga - Your response is awesome! It totally makes me feel like I'm making a conscious choice and not just a coincidence of circumstance. I'm excercising my right and will power. Guess my heart is in the right place huh? Again, thank you SO MUCH.
@CrystallineFigurines@xanga - Me too! & God is good to steer me clear of this. The Bible says He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to handle. And the situations that do tempt us, He will give us an out. :)
@musicmom60@xanga - He gave us these guidelines for a reason, and the consequences of disobeying are not worth the heartache they cause.
PREACH my SISTER!!!
@wanderer - DO NOT LOSE HOPE ! Our God can and will provide the highest and the best for his child. Coming from a culture that still arranges marriages, I'm reminding you to continue pray and wait on the Lord. the God of our forefathers, Abramham, Isaas and Jacob. it's never good to pray for something then leave to carry out our answer our pray. Jesus never turnanyone with a petition, a need; so we know He hears all our requests. he knows your desires; it hard to fight against culture but you're not alone. we're not alone. i'm praying for you. the holy spirit will too.