"Alright...you talked in your post of asking the girl's father when you ask a girl on a date. What is the protocol to ask a girl on a date. I would say "Hey wanna go out with me." Perhaps with a bit more tact, but yeah, that's as much effort I go into. What is this about asking a father's blessing? ..."
, who was wonderful enough to send me a message, there was another question, but trying to put everything together would be much too long! So we'll deal with this one question first.
My next few posts will be about asking a girl out, getting asked out by a boy, and courtship/dating and we'll go from there. Hopefully I'll cover everything that llamalima asked within those headings, but if you think I've missed something, please feel free to add your comments!
I think it is also important to note that I have the boy asking the girl out, and the girl getting asked out; this is mainly because I believe that the man should be leading in a relationship, and I think that if you start out with the girl leading -- taking the initiative to start the relationship -- it is unlikely that things will just turn around and the guys will start leading, and the girls start submitting.
I know from my post on submission
that this can be a controversial topic, please do not comment on whether you agree with women submitting or not here -- this is just the basis for what I'm saying.1. Boys: What is the Protocol to Ask a Girl on a Date?
So first of all, I don't think there is anything wrong with "Hey wanna go out with me?" -- with more tact or not. Maybe I'm just not overly romantic. In fact, that's pretty much how my boyfriend asked me out, at a church retreat, no romantic preparations or anything. I'm pretty sure he didn't even have a "with me?" at the end, leading to a bit of confusion later, but it all worked out.
The important thing is: There is no set way of asking a girl out.
Yeah, I know it sucks, but since each girl is different and comes from a different past, they want to be asked out in different ways. For example, a girl in my church who has had a few boyfriends in the past says that she would want to be asked to be someone's girlfriend rather than just "going out" with someone. If someone asked me "will you be my girlfriend?" I would have looked at them and tried not to laugh at their formality and obvious nervousness; I don't see anyone pulling off that line smoothly unless you have dated one-on-one before, which my boyfriend and I hadn't.
All that matters is that you ask her. If you don't ask, she'll just be confused -- and if you don't ask her, she'll never even have the chance to say "yes."Before you ask her out though, ask yourself some questions:
1. Have I prayed about this? And do I think that God is giving me the green light?
2. What would be the point of this relationship?
3. Would my parental figures (spiritual as well as physical) approve of this girl, and this relationship at this time? (notice there were 3 things in that question!)
If the answer to any part of question 1 and/or 3 is "no" then I would say, don't ask her. Continue preparing yourself for a relationship in the future. If your answer to number 2 is anything other than "to see if she is the girl I want to marry," then you should not be asking this girl out.
Make sure you share with your new girlfriend the answers to these three questions as well. It will put her mind at ease, if she should ever doubt your heart.2. What is This About Asking the Father's Blessing?
I think the main question here is: Why?
Really, I think this is the first opportunity for a guy to lend his strength to his new girlfriend, to show her that he can lead, and of course, to win brownie points with the girl's dad, who for most girls is a fairly significant person in their life.
A girl will have to tell her parents eventually that she is dating -- provided the relationship is heading in the direction of "should we get married?" (more on this later). If you as the boy say, "let's go tell your parents," it shows her that you're willing to do that for her -- which for most guys can be quite terrifying -- that you're willing to stand by her, and that you're willing to lead. If she is terrified of telling her parents, it shows that you can lend her the strength that she may need, and if she isn't scared at all, it shows her that you're confident. So either way you win with her -- unless her biological dad is absent, in which case I would suggest that you approach the father figure in her life.
If your girlfriend comes from a non-christian family, make sure to approach both her physical and spiritual father. They'll both appreciate it.
Approaching the father figures in her life also gives you the chance to be mentored by them if you respect them/need a mentor and allows those father figures to have a conversation with you if they so choose. If they choose not to have one with you right then, at least they know you're willing to talk to them.
If the father says no, then you have to have a conversation with them about why. You can ask them what they would like you to do, learn or whatever in order to date their daughter. For many fathers, this can be as simple as "wait, and let me get to know you first," and for others it can be something as ridiculous as "show me your life plan for the next 10 years, and how you plan to achieve it."
No matter how ridiculous, you have to decide if it's worth it. But, at this point you have two options.
1. Back off
2. Do whatever it is he wants you to do
Realize that you will have to respect the father's wishes, as not doing so, would make the point of asking their blessing pointless. By asking his blessing, you are at the same time saying that if he would rather you not date his daughter, you will respect that and back off.Ladies, how would you prefer to be asked out? Gentlemen, how have you gone about asking girls out? Did you ask for a father's permission?