Saturday, 10 April 2010
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How Do I Stay Sexually Pure in an Impure World?
I am a Christian who has been in a relationship for over a year now, and we are not married yet. I want so badly to do what God says in the Bible is right in my relationship, mainly saving sex and sexual activities for marriage. However, this world and human nature make it so difficult to resist. Not only am I bombarded with sexual media everyday, but our society now accepts premarital sex as something that is okay. They make sex so attractive, and even God designed sex to be such a pleasing thing. I also have human nature, which is telling me that my clock is ticking and I need to do something to secure that my genes are passed on. It seems like everyone and everything is working against me.I want to know, how do people like me, who want to do the right thing but are struggling with it, stay pure? What practices can I put into place when the temptation is so high? And if you have crossed the line already, how do you back up with your significant other?
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About the Author
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- From: cherryluva7@xanga
- Name: Amanda
- About Me: I'm just a girl trying to do God's will and have fun at the same time.
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Comments (92)
Don't put a penis in your vagina. There.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - I second that. That's how you do it.
I'm asexual. Clearly, I win.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - More like don't put anything anywhere. ;)
Well, I think it is important to pray on it. God gives us strength through the virtues of restraint and fortitude and I think we just have to ensure that we keep or focus on that. I understand all this, but living my life by what God and my Church has taught me, especially on something as important as this, is too important. I also hope that my boyfriend is the man I will marry and it's important to both of us. Doing what @ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - says helps too, heehee.
Don't put yourself in any situation that would let you two have too much intimacy. If you're feeling too pressured, set up some group dates. If the media makes sex look so good, stop watching tv shows with it. Stop watching movies that aren't rated G. If you don't want to go that far, start using more self-control. Don't go farther than simple kissing. I don't want to sound crazy and harsh, but if you want to keep yourself a virgin, then you need to take precautions.
Ignore @ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - and @NikBv@xanga - for a moment :-p I would say also that it's critical to read Christian books about sexuality, listen to sermons, and pray. If you are only taking in world's viewpoint, you will fall, guaranteed.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - easy as that!
This is one of many reasons that I'm rather sure I'm going to hell.
Can't have sex before marriage? it doesn't suck, but is hard as hell to do.
So, masturbation right? Nope. That's sin too.
Having lustful wet dreams? Technically lusting after another woman is sin, even if I don't ask to dream about them.
So in the end, I just said fuck everything, and start setting my own limitations, according to my own willpower, because the Bible is just too hard to follow word by word without chaining yourself to a room with a musty old tome that is over 2000 years old.
And technically, you aren't supposed to do that either.
Letting your light so shine before the world my ass.
I can imagine how hard it is to be abstinent. I know that I tried to be for a while [back when I was still trying to be a Christian for my parents]. Around puberty, that drive for sex just kicks in. It isn't like you can stop wanting it.
I would like to throw in that Jesus preached during a time period without birth control or rights for women. So basically, if a woman had sex before marriage, she would be stuck with a baby that would be an outcast, she would be unable to take care of herself or her baby [since women were supposed to only work in the home], or she might even be stoned to death.
I don't think Jesus would preach the same philosophy about premarital sex if he were around today. But in his time period, that was what needed to be preached.
Don't put yourself in compromising situations, that's the only thing that's been working for me. :/ God will get you through it I promise. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and we still cant get married yet, but I've learned the hard way... don't even go near a compromising place! No soft surfaces, no cars, no being home alone, etc. Trust me, it sounds insane but it works... I really mean this with utmost sincerity.
Please read my blog.
I need someone to help me.
I've lost my faith in God, and I want to get it back but it's so hard when you're in living hell.
please help me by reading my blog and leaving a comment?
If you are a believer, you have power from God through His indwelling Holy Spirit. We can't use the excuse of our human nature, for all who are in Christ, are new creations, we are given a new nature, Christ's nature. Paul writes in Romans 6 that we have died with Christ and been raised with Him and sin shall not have dominion over us. In other words, we will be tempted, but we have the power to mortify the flesh and fight the temptation and not give in to it. As God's Spirit continues to work in us, our desires will be more and more conformed to those of Christ, so we will increasingly desire God's will for us, which, in your case, is sexual purity before marriage. Sex is attractive and pleasing for sure, but it is only blessed by God in the context of marriage between one man and one woman. Your body clock may very well be ticking, but that doesn't mean you should ever use that as an excuse to sin against God; you can trust Him to give you children if that is His will for you. Ask God to make you desire and love Him and holiness over all things, including sex and even including your boyfriend. I will be praying for you.
Speaking of sexually pure, my mind has a long way to go. The picture of a ring on the bible at the top of the post reminded me of a ring from my partying and promiscuous days, not a wedding ring (I think).
Don't put yourself in any situation like that. I've been in this situation a few years back. I was dating a guy who always wanted to get sexual and do sexual things. No lie, I did do sexual things with him. It was no problem. That I didn't mind. But as we got much closer and more sexual, I ended up losing my virginity to him. After making the biggest mistake ever and regretting it, it became all about sex. He called me just to have phone sex, or wanted me around him just so he can feel on my body and have sex. After giving into him once to many times. I stop having sex and broke it off with him a few months later.
What I'm trying to say is that, if you do have sex make sure you're making the right decision. Don't do it because its popular and everyone else is doing it. At least make sure he's really the one for you and thats he's going to be with you for the rest of your life. Once you do it there's no going back. Wait as long as you can. Don't give up.
@SlackerSociety@xanga - Nobody is perfect. We all do sinful things.
Make an actual contract of what you do and don't want to do and have accountability partners check up on whether you followed through with your promises after each time you're together. And don't set the fence right at the edge of the cliff--that way, if you do fall over it, you won't be gone.
A good idea is to never be alone with your SO! Go to restaurants, go to group things like bowling or skating or whatever. Don't be alone in a car, or alone in your homes together. And if you feel you are going to far, then you are. Stop. Go get around someone, call your parents, call your best friend, whatever.
A lot of it comes down to getting God's heart on this matter. Pray, read his word, read some good books about purity and Godly relationships... ultimately, simply realize that God tells us to do these things because he loves us SO much.
But as for some really practical things you can do...
* As many others have said, be careful to stay away from situations in which you could easily be compromised. I realize you probably don't want to spend ALL your time with your boyfriend hanging out in public places, but you should be careful to not spend too much time alone, in private places.
* Make yourself accountable to someone. Get a friend who you can trust and who will "kick your butt" if you need it. Don't just pick your bff who will likely agree with anything you say, pick someone who is willing to hit you with the truth when you need it most. Maybe a trusted adult would be a wise choice. It's good to have someone you can talk to about anything and everything.
* I realize this may not work for everyone, but for me, a purity ring is a nifty little reminder of my vow to God to remain pure. For some people, visual cues are a good thing.
* Try not to fill your mind with media that will peak your interest in sexuality. I realize this kind of media is everywhere, but it is also easy to avoid if you're thinking about it. Fill your mind on things that are pure, lovely, and good. It's not easy, but having a pure mind makes it a heck of a lot easier to have a pure body.
Those are just a few tips I have for you. It's not going to be easy... but it will be worth it, I promise.
What do you call "sexually pure?"
If you are a Catholic, even thinking about sex is a problem. And who can help that, sometimes?
Do you define it as having not done anything sexual?
But kissing can lead to impure thoughts!
Basically, what I'm saying is that religion sometimes puts down a hard line, one that can be so easily crossed that many give up and cross it anyway.
If you really want to avoid all that, then do as everyone else says and never be alone together. However, I couldn't stand that prospect myself, so I've always set my own boundaries, and made sure that my SO knows where I stand, and how far is too far for me. It may not be perfect in the eyes of the church, but it works well enough for me.
I have given this talk to so many people it's not funny. The problem is that no one wants to LISTEN to these ideas/thoughts...
You know that you're when you're alone, the temptation will be there, hence, don't be alone. Go on group dates, make your dates all public outtings where at least there are people around, don't EVER close your door when you're in a bedroom together. Try to spend more time with your (or his) parents, getting to know the family, etc.
Don't try to "be alone" to "get to know one another"... this is a trick of satan to get you two to start fooling around. Your spirit is willing, but your flesh is weak, you KNOW this... so, don't listen to it. If you really want to talk deep things, do it at a park or on the beach, where there will be no chance of you guys sleeping together.
There is no "going back" but there is room for forgiveness and mercy. :)
I think a basic attitude is not to trust each other to be alone! If you are together, make sure it is in a place that is either too public to allow for unchaste behavior, or that there are people around to ensure that nothing happens. Pray together, talk to each other about your struggles. Talk to your priest/pastor about your struggles. The more about your struggles and temptations you bring into the light, the less shame will push you into dark places.
There is a terrific book by Christopher West called, "The Good News About Sex and Marriage." I highly recommend it; it has changed people's lives.
Feel free to message me any time if you have questions or need someone to talk to!
I would also say that @Masked_Melody@xanga has offered some very good advice. God bless her for it! (And you, too!)
the world isn't impure. it's just you and your raging hormones. if you want to remain sexually pure, then don't put yourself in that situation. it's so simple. and stay away from kids.
If you've already crossed the line and you're genuinely committed to staying pure until marriage, then you might as well end the relationship there and then, rather than 'backing up'.
I became a Christian 3 1/2 years into a relationship (having lost my virginity to the guy 4 months in). Despite initially saying that he was fine with my choice to no longer have sex until we were married (he had already proposed to me by this point) he then cheated on me with his next-door neighbour's wife and then dumped me, citing the fact that I would no longer have sex with him as the main reason.
It is impossible to 'back-up'. And you can only stay pure until you're married if both of you believe in it.
pray, hope and don't worry...date only those who believe the way you do...it is difficult to remain pure when you are in a relationship but remember, there is never any real love without responsibility